I can't really believe I am making this post.
Start off with, no, he didn't cheat again, but he has enormously betrayed me.
Most here know my story: Very problematic attempt and R with no real work being done by him. I moved a month ago and we have been separated, but since then he had been doing a lot of "the work".
So anyway, one thing that I mentioned before is that we were arguing a lot because he had promised to buy a house with me and then didn't do it. It felt to me like a lack of commitment, lack of keeping his word and generally made me feel like I couldn't trust him still. It was the prime reason I left in the end.
I basically felt like "this guy has put me through all of this, and now he can't buy the home we promised to buy together five years ago?". It is what pushed me over the edge to leaving.
So a couple of weeks ago, a week AFTER I had already left, he said to me he was thinking of buying the house. As in, him, on his own. No discussion, no partnership, no consideration of my needs or feelings. So I went completely insane with rage. I was like "so you can't buy the house together, but 30 seconds after I am gone you can suddenly buy it???". It was a huge fight, and I told him buying our dream house without me was a huge betrayal and I would never forgive him for it. He apologised and said it had been a silly idea of something he was doing "for me" in the hope I would "come home". I figured that idea was well and truly scrapped!!! He grovelingly apologised.
Anyway, I mentioned a few days ago we were talking and I was setting out some things I would need to see from him - actions to see he was doing the necessary work and that maybe we could try again. We have had some really close, intimate conversations over the week and I have also provided a lot of support for his ongoing health problems.
I was finally at a point of thinking maybe he was going to finally do it!
Maybe me leaving made him realise he was definitely going to lose me, and he would finally listen to me and give me everything I need! I even went to bed feeling a little hopeful the last couple of days! WE even discussed the future and where we might buy our house and so on.
Anyway, he confessed tonight:
He bought the house.
He bought the FU***NG house.
After that conversation where I went nuts over him even discussing it, he went to view it, he made an offer, the offer was accepted and now he has bought a FU**ING house without even discussing it with me.
After I outright told him I would consider that an unforgivable betrayal that showed he was happy to commit to buying a house, but just not together, and that it was OUR dream house and he needed to sort himself / us out first and then build on a SHARED future that we both agreed. When I said it, he listened, he apologised, he told me he loved me, and then he went and bought the FU***NG house anyway.
And worse, he lied about it all week too.
When he sent the message I was sent right back in time to when I got the text message to say he was having an A.
I almost couldn't breathe.
Lied to, duped, betrayed AGAIN.
After I had outright told him I would be devastated by this, he did it anyway. And it dawned on me how I used to do that with the AP. I would cry, beg, tell him PLEASe do NOT break NC because it will destroy me - and each time he big fat went and did it anyway.
I put it down, then, to him clearly being in the middle of a mental breakdown and probably in the fog a bit too, but now there is no excuse.
I have a spouse who genuinely just does whatever he wants and doesn't think about how I feel or what I want.
I am really just feeling like I am experiencing another DDay.
I have packed all his stuff up out of my house. I have smashed every picture of us into the garbage and I have had a garden bonfire of all our sentimental stuff and memories.
It is like DDay all over again, and after all this time of me trying so hard and all his excuses I am just broken.