I've read on here that,if you choose to attempt reconciliation, you MUST forgive.
This is for the new BS members who might read that..
That is absolutely not true. At all. Forgiveness is NOT a requirement for reconciliation. I have said this many times,over the years. And many reconciled members have agreed with me.
My husband's first affair was nearly 15 years ago. The 3 to 5 year timeline for healing was spot on. I went through all the normal ups and downs,etc.
It took me awhile to reach acceptance. But, I did.
I DID forgive some things. But there were some things that were so insulting to my sensibilities, that forgiving such things was impossible.
Not forgiving certain things didn't mean I held it over his head. It didn't breed resentment. It didn't mean I was unable to heal. It didn't mean I didn't do MY work to reconcile. And it didn't mean we were in false R.
It meant that I DID my work,and was able to recognize that certain things were just never going to be "ok." For ME, forgiving means letting go,and saying it's ok. And some things will never be ok. I WAS able to forgive myself for not being able to forgive everything.
Forgiveness is a very personal thing. And,it means different things to every individual. I did not need to forgive in order to fully heal and truly reconcile. YMMV. But,don't listen to anyone here,an MC, your WS, or anyone else who tells you if you want to reconcile you MUST forgive. It's not true.
Of course, your ws has the choice not to stay with you,if they require complete Forgiveness. That's their choice. I won't say anything more on that,because that isn't the intention of my post.
61 comments posted: Sunday, November 19th, 2023
I've read that I could restore deleted texts,and pictures, via the cloud.
I've tried using my own phone. I have succeeded in backing up/restoring over 18,000 messages. Far more than what I can see in my messages app, so I know it worked.
I'm having trouble opening those messages. I've googled,and followed the suggestions, and still can't open the restored messages in my cloud.
It restored data to several apps..call log,messages,calendar, gallery,etc. But then I go to the dashboard, and it only says 3 apps synced..Reminder, wifi,and Samsung internet.
1 comment posted: Wednesday, October 25th, 2023
How hard would it be to hack someone's Google account?
I am NOT doing this.
I know the excuses that will come my way when I confront him,about the odd phone in his "devices" in his Google account. I want to be prepared with as much info as possible when he comes at me with excuses. I am prepared for everything else. I'm pretty computer savvy,but want to make sure I know what I'm talking about. I need to retain the upper hand.
*He does not have 2 step verification turned on.
221 comments posted: Tuesday, October 17th, 2023
Porn and men..question
I've recently discovered my husband is back to watching a lot of porn. I've not felt well for a few months,but this has been going on for well over a year.
To piggyback onto another thread here..
I'd like to ask the men here what they are thinking when they watch porn,while taking care of themselves.
We have had more than enough debates over porn here. I'd really appreciate it if this thread didn't turn into that.
I'm not asking why you watch porn. I'd appreciate it if those who don't approve of porn, stayed off this thread. I don't want this to become a discussion on the harmful affects of porn.
I really would like to just stick to the question, and only this question. I really want to know. And,while I know the answers may trigger some of us,I'm asking those people not to respond. We learn more when we listen. Of course,I know the answers will vary,and no one here can tell.me what my husband is thinking. I'm extremely curious.
Men..and please,just the men, what do you think about? Please be honest, no judgement.
16 comments posted: Tuesday, October 17th, 2023
How do I find what sites a username has been used?
63 comments posted: Saturday, July 8th, 2023
After 48 hours,and no response I've figured it out on my own.
0 comment posted: Sunday, July 2nd, 2023
Heads up to anyone who is checking the AP's Facebook page.
Facebook had a technical glitch today..anyone's page that you check on, they automatically send them a friend request from you.
And,anyone who is looking at your page, you will get a request from them.
Supposedly it's been fixed. I'm too scared to test that!
6 comments posted: Saturday, May 13th, 2023
Women dont understand..Vent
Quite often, a BH will tell us silly BW that we just don't understand the following...
The hit to the ego.
The hit to self esteem.
The hit to self respect.
How deeply being cheated on affects us in the bedroom.
How much it hurts to know your spouse shared their body with someone else.
How much it hurts that the WS spouse got into great shape for someone else.
How humiliating it is to have been cheated on.
The gut wreching pain of knowing your spouse said they loved someone else.
Blah blah,fucking blah.
This,and so much more has been said,ad nauseam over the years,on these forums.We are told we don't understand,and that men have it SO MUCH worse,after being betrayed.
So..to THOSE men who feel this way..
I'd like to ask just how do you think a BW feels? And please don't say you don't know how we feel because you aren't a woman.. ..
save it. You certainly seem to know how we DON'T feel. So how do you think we DO feel? How do you think infidelity affects us?
0 comment posted: Thursday, February 24th, 2022