Newest Member: KstinTX


I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.


Because of some other issues I was having, my doctor ordered a CT scan. A VERY large cyst was found on my left ovary. I was given an immediate appointment with my gynecologist, who did a vaginal ultrasound, and also ordered some blood tests.

The cyst shows all the characteristics of a benign cyst,and zero characteristics of a malignant tumor. The blood test also showed I do not have the tumor markers for ovarian cancer.

However,because of the size,and location, I was referred to an oncologist gynecologist. She has said we need to remove the cyst, and has scheduled a hysterectomy, for next month. She doesn't believe I have cancer.

All of that said...

She has given me the option of keeping my right ovary. Remove everything else..but we can leave that ovary. There are advantages,and disadvantages, in doing so.

I believe I've been in menopause for the last 2ish years. It is a bit hard to say, because around the same time,I developed thyroid disease, so missing periods,and hot flashes became the norm. If I have been in menopause for a few years, then I'm probably not producing much estrogen anyway,so taking that other ovary may not be so jarring. However, I do have heart issues,and I've read that taking both ovaries can contribute towards heart disease. I am on the fence about losing that other ovary. Has anyone been through this,and decided to keep that ovary? Or had both ovaries removed during the surgery. What was your experience?

Also..what can I realistically expect after surgery? The doctor told me I'd been able to return to mostly normal activity within 3 days. I've watched videos of women who have had a hysterectomy, where they are documenting their recovery. 3 days seems extremely ambitious. What can I expect? Of course I know everyone is different. I'm just trying to be as prepared as possible.

Are there any things you can recommend to help me in my recovery? I've gotten a hysterectomy pillow, heating pads,loose pants,etc. What items helped you?

And..yes..I've spoken with my doctor about the pros and cons of having that other ovary removed. I have also done my own research. I'm not asking for medical advice,exactly. I'm asking for opinions, and thoughts, from those who have BTDT.

The surgery will be a robotic hysterectomy.

I am 51 years old.

55 comments posted: Monday, January 8th, 2024


I've read on here that,if you choose to attempt reconciliation, you MUST forgive.

This is for the new BS members who might read that..

That is absolutely not true. At all. Forgiveness is NOT a requirement for reconciliation. I have said this many times,over the years. And many reconciled members have agreed with me.

My husband's first affair was nearly 15 years ago. The 3 to 5 year timeline for healing was spot on. I went through all the normal ups and downs,etc.

It took me awhile to reach acceptance. But, I did.

I DID forgive some things. But there were some things that were so insulting to my sensibilities, that forgiving such things was impossible.

And..that's ok.

Not forgiving certain things didn't mean I held it over his head. It didn't breed resentment. It didn't mean I was unable to heal. It didn't mean I didn't do MY work to reconcile. And it didn't mean we were in false R.

It meant that I DID my work,and was able to recognize that certain things were just never going to be "ok." For ME, forgiving means letting go,and saying it's ok. And some things will never be ok. I WAS able to forgive myself for not being able to forgive everything.

Forgiveness is a very personal thing. And,it means different things to every individual. I did not need to forgive in order to fully heal and truly reconcile. YMMV. But,don't listen to anyone here,an MC, your WS, or anyone else who tells you if you want to reconcile you MUST forgive. It's not true.

Of course, your ws has the choice not to stay with you,if they require complete Forgiveness. That's their choice. I won't say anything more on that,because that isn't the intention of my post. tongue

66 comments posted: Sunday, November 19th, 2023

Samsung cloud

I've read that I could restore deleted texts,and pictures, via the cloud.

I've tried using my own phone. I have succeeded in backing up/restoring over 18,000 messages. Far more than what I can see in my messages app, so I know it worked.

I'm having trouble opening those messages. I've googled,and followed the suggestions, and still can't open the restored messages in my cloud.

It restored data to several log,messages,calendar, gallery,etc. But then I go to the dashboard, and it only says 3 apps synced..Reminder, wifi,and Samsung internet.


1 comment posted: Wednesday, October 25th, 2023

Google question

How hard would it be to hack someone's Google account?

I am NOT doing this.

I know the excuses that will come my way when I confront him,about the odd phone in his "devices" in his Google account. I want to be prepared with as much info as possible when he comes at me with excuses. I am prepared for everything else. I'm pretty computer savvy,but want to make sure I know what I'm talking about. I need to retain the upper hand.

*He does not have 2 step verification turned on.

248 comments posted: Thursday, October 19th, 2023

Porn and men..question

I've recently discovered my husband is back to watching a lot of porn. I've not felt well for a few months,but this has been going on for well over a year.

To piggyback onto another thread here..

I'd like to ask the men here what they are thinking when they watch porn,while taking care of themselves.

We have had more than enough debates over porn here. I'd really appreciate it if this thread didn't turn into that.

I'm not asking why you watch porn. I'd appreciate it if those who don't approve of porn, stayed off this thread. I don't want this to become a discussion on the harmful affects of porn.

I really would like to just stick to the question, and only this question. I really want to know. And,while I know the answers may trigger some of us,I'm asking those people not to respond. We learn more when we listen. Of course,I know the answers will vary,and no one here can what my husband is thinking. I'm extremely curious.

Men..and please,just the men, what do you think about? Please be honest, no judgement.

Thank you.

16 comments posted: Tuesday, October 17th, 2023

Someone..anyone..?? Help

How do I find what sites a username has been used?

63 comments posted: Saturday, July 8th, 2023



After 48 hours,and no response I've figured it out on my own.

0 comment posted: Sunday, July 2nd, 2023

Women dont understand..Vent

Quite often, a BH will tell us silly BW that we just don't understand the following...

The hit to the ego. look

The hit to self esteem.

The hit to self respect.

How deeply being cheated on affects us in the bedroom. rolleyes

How much it hurts to know your spouse shared their body with someone else.

How much it hurts that the WS spouse got into great shape for someone else.

How humiliating it is to have been cheated on. duh

The gut wreching pain of knowing your spouse said they loved someone else.

Blah blah,fucking blah.

This,and so much more has been said,ad nauseam over the years,on these forums.We are told we don't understand,and that men have it SO MUCH worse,after being betrayed. THOSE men who feel this way..

I'd like to ask just how do you think a BW feels? And please don't say you don't know how we feel because you aren't a woman.. laugh laugh ..
save it. You certainly seem to know how we DON'T feel. So how do you think we DO feel? How do you think infidelity affects us?


0 comment posted: Thursday, February 24th, 2022

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