Hello everyone, and I hope you all are having a wonderful workweek and a lovely afternoon. It has gotten a lot colder in my area after having had such warm, sunny weather last week. I am writing because I know a lot of you have given me advice and feedback before, which I appreciate, I really do. I really do feel like I have no place else to turn to really vent or let my feelings out. I thought I had that with a former teacher friend I used to work with, but it seems that recently she hasn't been around either. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It started when we were having a conversation by text early one morning before work. It was a continuation of a conversation we'd had by both phone and then by text the night before. We were discussing how both of us despise Mr. Trout, the mean science teacher who sabotaged me at the previous school I worked. Mr. Trout was a bit of a bully. My friend RA worked with him too and he seemed to treat her better than he treated most of us there, and especially better than he ever treated me. He was a very chatty, talkative guy and always trying to rope colleagues into long conversations with him after school in the hallways, the parking lot, etc any chance he could. While most of our colleagues would try to avoid conversation with him because we were unhappy with him for talking behind our backs and his other usual backstabbing tactics, RA was friendlier to him than most because she hadn't encountered any bad from him (yet) to her knowledge. Unfortunately, even RA was not immune to Mr. Trout's backstabbing trash talk. About midway through the school year, she was out of work for a few days due to being sick. One of those days was a staff PD day, just staff no students, which left extra time for chat among colleagues. Mr. Trout started questioning why RA wasn't there, then brought up all this stuff out of nowhere, about how he thought she might be a lesbian because she always talked about having a female roommate at her house, and how he had Googled her maiden name and found lots of absurd stuff posted about her online, presumably from a bad-pick former boyfriend or guy friend. He claimed there were pictures of her online, pictures that are rather embarrassing and not stuff a teacher would want to have out there, that the same nutty guy had posted without her permission. He told us this more from a place of entertainment and amusement than from a place of concern. It almost seemed like he was trying to throw her under a bus on the one PD day that she wasn't there in presence. He kept trying to get us to look her up online or look at the pictures on his phone that some crazy ex-boyfriend had posted of her. Nobody cared to look because all we cared about was that RA was a dedicated teacher and easy to get along with at work. Finally, one of the teachers Mr. Griffin told Mr. Trout off. I didn't mention any of this to her until almost three years later, and even then I mentioned it very vaguely and simply because I felt really awkward and uncomfortable with divulging something so awkward and potentially mortifying. Let's just say she was very unhappy and angry. She didn't say much, but she did tell me that this news had ruined her day and that she was no longer going to be nice to Mr. Trout from now on. I think she even tried to write a bad teacher review about him on a teacher review website where some people had written unpleasant reviews about me (to this day she swears that the one coherently written review was Mr. Trout pretending to be a student, especially since the review about me tooted Mr. Trout's horn and used wording Mr. Trout is the type to use).
Anyway, the topic of Mr. Trout came up in conversation last night and all the backstabbing, unfair things he had done to everyone. We talked about how he always played Principal's Pet and would then gossip about people to the principal after school, but then would weirdly badmouth the principal to us and talk about how our school needed a different principal. We talked about how even after they had a falling-out, somehow he still went back to being Principal's Pet eventually. We talked about RA's speculation and fear that maybe the real reason she got force transferred from our school was because Mr. Trout had told the principal about all that unflattering, mortifying stuff that crazy guy or ex-boyfriend had posted of her a few years earlier. She mentioned that nowadays it would be illegal to post pics like that without someone's permission, and she wondered if the same applied to passing around pics like that at a workplace? I guess she thought about it overnight and woke up with a vengeance to go after Mr. Trout. She texted me early the next morning, telling me that given the content of what that nutty guy had posted about her and the way Mr. Trout was so fixated on it, that what he had done by trying to pass those pics around at work could constitute a form of sexual harassment behind her back. (not to mention the huge age difference between them too) I responded that yes, what he did to her was sexual harassment.
She then texted, "Yes and I'm making a report to the union on it." then "You all have been warned." and then "So they might call you or Griffin or [Principal] in to testify. [for a disciplinary hearing on an employee's misconduct] Eh probably not. Knowing the district's crappy union, they'll probably just discard my report like used trash since I don't work for the district anymore."
I was stunned, frozen. She was throwing all of this on me, when I already have so much on my plate I'm dealing with, not to mention trying desperately and frantically to improve my job situation and build better rapport with my new workplace, expecting me to just accept it? The only thing I seem to be doing right at my new job is keeping my attendance in good standing, perfect standing in fact. I can't lose the one thing I'm actually doing right at my job. Plus, if I testify, I'll look like a snitch.
Word will get around that I'm a snitch and that I try to get other teachers in trouble, and that could further jeopardize my job too. My heart started racing. This happened almost 4 years ago, and she's known about it for almost a year, and she's suddenly springing on her desire to have a trial on him now, involving me?? When I have so much other stuff to worry about right now?!
I texted back: "What?? Now I'm going to have to take a personal day off to testify?!? Now everyone at [my school's name] is going to know my business!" and then "What did you do?"
RA: "I never f--king called the union yet"
RA: "Chill out. All u care about is chance of using a personal day?? You're as bad as the mom who didn't call 9-1-1 for her kid because she was too low on phone minutes."
(The 911 thing is in reference to some kooky article she found online recently from several years back, about some idiot mom whose kid died because the mom was too afraid to use up her limited cell phone minutes to call 911, with the mom now facing criminal neglect charges. She had shared the article with me while coining the mom Idiot of the Day)
RA: "If u had to testify, it'd be a 1% chance of ever happening. And it would definitely be coded as an approved business leave, where you don't even need to use one of your stored personal days. The same way I had it when I got subpoenaed by the union to testify about the test cheating scandal I witnessed at that one school I used to work at. Basically it'd be a free day off, doesn't count against u or your personal day count. And just like how 911 doesn't use up any cell phone minutes. But your reaction shows your true colors."
Me: "Don't compare me to someone that doesn't want to use their cell phone minutes."
Me: "I postponed jury duty til the summer so I wouldn't have to go thru the hassle of taking a day off, getting emergency lesson plans together, etc."
RA: "You're using your summer off for jury duty? You sacrifice everything for this thankless job. Well, it's your choice how you want to waste your time."
Me: "So if I'm forced to testify against him, my administration here would find out why I had to testify and then they'll think that I'm too much trouble"
RA: "NO! They aren't even allowed to discuss matters like that with outside people. That's like discussing patient medical records or a jury talking about what's going on in an ongoing trial. Sheesh. I'm not going to back down from reporting Trout just because you want to be a pushover to your biggest workplace bully."
RA: "Well I'm sick right now and going through a huge ordeal with my dr office which is making me stressed and feeling sicker. I can't deal with this BS from you anymore."
Me: "What does that mean?"
Me: "And I'm sorry you are feeling sick."
RA: "Now I see why no guy in your life sticks around. Your priorities are all whack. And to think I thought you'd care to help a friend while at the same time getting justice for your bully."
Me: "That hurt, what you just said."
Me: "Likewise I thought you'd understand my situation and what I'm going through right now."
RA: "All those guys who just disappeared, maybe they had the right idea"
Me: "What does this mean, you're going to disappear too? After I've already been through so much this year? Great, I guess I'd have to add you to my long list of losses."
RA: "It is what it is."
She never texted anything after that. I didn't respond because I admit I was already feeling aggravated, plus I had to get ready for work, for the job that I must still report to even if I do not like it, because right now attendance and punctuality is the only saving grace I have left. Everything else in my job and elsewhere is falling apart. I need to get something done right! When my workday ended, I looked at my phone but she still hadn't texted back. Sometimes she'll leave long, like paragraph-long or more, messages for me to read during the day about things she found or afterthoughts she had about our conversation topics. This time she didn't. This happened almost two weeks ago by now and still I haven't heard back from her. I'll admit I didn't reach out to her at first because I was angry and also genuinely scared how something like this could affect my job if she did call the union on Mr. Trout and the union decided to take her seriously and escalate it to a disciplinary hearing on him. I also feel like she just doesn't get it, doesn't understand or know nearly the stress I have to deal with at this job, now that she's out of teaching and working a conventional office admin 9-5. I needed some distance and some time to cool off. I did try reaching out to her about a week ago but never heard back, unusual for her. It seems she's still on social media daily, updating posts, so nothing bad happened to her.
I guess she decided we aren't friends anymore. It sucks because she was literally the only close friend I had. This year has been nothing but losses for me, no gains, no positives. I am really hoping 2023 is a lot better. I am so tired of feeling so alone with everything.