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My husband of 21 years kissed and had a sexual texting affair with my mentally ill, sociopathic, alcoholic sister for 6 months, who just last week killed herself before I found out. Do I win a prize for this one???? If so, I give it back. Oh, and he cheated on his first wife with me, so I guess I deserve some bad karma, but I think this is karma on steroids.

I'm very sorry about the loss of your sister. Also sorry you have felt the pain of betrayal.

What is your plan?

Sorry that you've had to find SI. There are some posts pinned at the top of the forum that you may find helpful. Also, the Healing Library has a ton of information available and includes the list of acronyms we use?

I'm sorry for the loss of your sister. Adding infidelity to the mix can be very hurtful. Are you in IC (individual counseling)? If you can find a betrayal trauma specialist, that can be very helpful. You'll need to work through the grief of your sister's loss as well as the loss of the M (marriage) you thought you had.

If your WH (wayward husband) had sex with her, you may want to both do STD/STI testing to make be sure to take care of your health. If you have problems with depression, anxiety or sleep, please see your doctor for meds. They may not need to be taken for a lifetime, but can be helpful to get through the initial pain.

If that's your real name in the signature line, you may want to edit it out. We're an anonymous site, so we don't want real names displaying.

There's no justice in infidelity, and nobody deserves to be cheated on. It does take about 2-5 years to heal, so this is more of a marathon rather than a sprint. There's a lot of work to be done, so be sure to take care of yourself at this time.

Hydrate, exercise and keep posting.

That’s terrible I’m sorry for your loss. As for your husband he sounds like a predator and a sociopath, that’s not normal behaviour. Run away and divorce I don’t see how you reconcile with that hanging over your heads.

You need to take your name out of your signature line. Try to stay as anonomyous as possible for your own protection .

If this is your first time visiting this website you will find a really good Healing Library with a large number of really good articles.

I hope all goes well with you.

  Moving to General

Married men typically don't have affairs to sext,and kiss. They're in it for the sex. Both of you need to be tested.

I don't know how you reconcile after something like that. Your own sister. He knew she was troubled. And she committed suicide. His actions contributed to her issues.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for letting me post this. I am contacting an attorney tomorrow and will be protecting myself financially and physically. It’s hard to realize that the man I have loved for 24 years is a perp and a predator, but when people show you who they are, believe them.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

I am glad to see you have an appointment with an attorney. If you have not done so, I think some counseling will help you navigate and unpack this. You have a rollercoaster of feelings coming so prepare with a good support team for yourself.

There are quite a few on this site that have unfortunately experienced double-betrayal so you are not alone. There is also a 'Double Betrayal' thread in the 'I can relate' section. So while this experience can feel so lonely and isolating; you have a great resource in SI to help you sort through it all.

How in the world did all this come to light all of a sudden with your sister's passing?

I am normally pro reconciliation but here there is probBly too much and certain things are unforgivable.

Maybe try to work on your future choices. You knew he could cheat but the circumstances are really too much.

I hope you find your peace.

I have her phone, my sister was not tech savvy so I had the passcode to her phone so I could manage it. When the police gave it back to me after the investigation into her death, I went through her messages. She never deleted anything.

I went through her messages

Oh goodness! I thought maybe your WH had a guilt-induced confession. What did he even say when you discovered this? I can not even imagine.

I agree with jajay...your wh definitely has issues. Not only was this your sister, but I am assuming he knew the struggles she was having and yet since engaged with her.

I'm beyond very sorry for your loss and for your being betrayed by your H and your sister. I can't imagine how painful your thoughts and feelings are.

Protecting yourself financially and physically is of the utmost importance. At the same time, processing your feelings will be crucial to your healing, IMO. Have you made plans to do that? Do you have support from a good IC or other counselor, preferably from one who is bound to keep what you say confidential?

OMG what a way to discover the A. I am sure the A he had with your sister caused her to mentally decline and I am so sorry for your loss. Not only do you have to deal with the betrayal from both your WH and your sister but also her passing.

This would be an automatic move to divorce for me. There is no way I could overcome betrayal with a family member.

Be sure to really take care of your health during this time. Be sure to eat and stay hydrated. Set up an appointment with a therapist it will help support you.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 7:47 PM, Wednesday, April 10th]