Edie - "It seems an internecine war, one that is possibly spiking your adrenaline, autonomic nervous system, in addictive and probably retraumatising ways. It’s not a recommended course of action for PTSD"
I've seen you post this before, and I'm intrigued. I think you may be on to something here. Even before the A, we had quite a stressful life, with many sucky significant events coming to fruition, that lead me on a war path to seek justice at employment tribunals, ombudsmen, family Court, NHS boards. All probably over the last 10 years. I often wonder what this may have done to my brain.
Want2BHA - "Another thing I have OFTEN said on here...that can cause a lot of issues with some people...is that as long as it HELPS the BS to heal...and is LEGAL...DO IT!!!"
This made me smile 😊 What I'd really like to do is publicly humiliate her 🤭 but I know I'd end up feeling crap, so I wouldn't. I figure a few happy photos and the odd (well I say odd, this is the only one I've done, I usually just put up photos or posts about the occasional day/night out), comment are rather tame by comparison.
Crazyblindsided- "I did try to post pictures of myself and xWS on FB so she could see we were together (little did I know at that time the A was still ongoing and found myself in False R 2 years later).
After False R she took up no headspace for me she was another woman being abused by my xWS"
I'm so, so sorry that you were in false R for so long, and your xws was allowing you to post happy pictures on social media, knowing full well what he was doing 😪
BtB - thanks for saying that. It just felt that some kind of defense against the AP.
The thing is, you say if us R-ing hurts her then great (which I have no doubt is the case). But I have in my head that she believes he is only back for the kids or something. On his NC call, she said you can't just stay for the kids, its not good for them in the long run (like she knows whats best for my kids?! 😡). He said he wasn't, he wants to make things work because there is a connection between us that we need to explore (not exactly the declaration of undying love I'd rather, but he was scared of what his rejection of her might then lead her to..). I know logically it shouldn't matter to me what she thinks, but it does. As SS33 said, I want to show a united front. I want her to realise that their little wuv stowy was a sack of shit. Its important to me.
My husband is supporting me because he knows full well that if he didn't, I would take this to heart. If he weren't to want to show a united front, like I need, then he's not R material in my mind. Initially he very much wanted her to have no insight into our lives. He wants nothing more then to forget this person. But its important to me, so... My husband came off any social media though.
You say performative displays, but as above, although I went a little rogue on my birthday, but all I'm ever posting is photos now and again, and posts. And not lovey dovey ones either. Never did that before, so it would be odd for me to start now. Yes, my underlying hope now is that she still looks and it hurts her - but they're not performative displays.
Hiking out- "And honestly, I don’t know if it matters to your husband or not that she still cares. However for me, and many other ws the affair is an addiction and if I had any indication the AP was still pining for me it would have fed into that addiction instead of allowing the withdrawal to be completed."
I'm truly grateful that any addictive stage regarding the AP ended long before I found out about the A and he ended it. At the time of discovery, he was actively trying to end the A, but had made such a mess and feared repercussions, he took the cowards way out and continued the A. Although he became depressed, angry and dead behind the eyes 😔
I find your posts so insightful by the way!
HoP - 1000% agree!!!
HINHF - haven't seen you in a long time!! How are you?!
Re the pick me dance, its genuinely not. I know I'm the prize and my husband is lucky to still breathe the same air as me 😉 If anything, he feels it was, and still is, him doing the pick me dance. This is all about the AP and what she thinks. I know it shouldn't be, but I'm not quite there yet 😕