SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes, you can post a Keylogger on your phone. You can also place a nanny cam facing your phone at night and check it the next day.

If you both have a no lock policy on your phones, it really shouldn't matter, though. That's what the others are trying to point out. Why do you want to find out if she's looking at your phone? Is she lying and saying she's not and your concerned about the lies because it means she is still in wayward behavior? Or do you just want to know for your own peace of mind? What are you going to do if she is?

You may be on a time crunch, but the investigative forum really is the best place to get the answers for technology that you need.
ETA: you can also install network trafficking software on your computer and router. This will only work if they use the wifi. This will show which devises are "send acking" to other UP addresses via your network.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 4:19 AM, Saturday, January 6th]

I don't think you are working in the right direction, if you have a no lock policy then let her look. Correct me if i'm wrong, she has been mentally and emotionally abusive to you for a long time. You are worn down and it's hard to focus on what really has to happen here. She is a master manipulator, not just to you but her friends and family.

My advice is to stop worrying about her or what anyone thinks, call her bluff and give her the D she wants. She will try to ruin your reputation but most in her circle already know who the real victim is.

I am seeing this same thing with a close family member and a neighbor, the W does as she pleases and throws a fit over something that is nothing with her H. We all see it but no one calls her on her bullshit. Start getting out of this vicious cycle, let her look at your phone anytime she wants.

I owe everyone an apology. I let this thread go too far without being truthful. I was looking for a way to monitor her phone that's why I was asking about the apps. Both our phones are locked (mine because I have work email on it and Outlook requires your phone to have a screen lock). Hers is locked for the same reason any spouse with something to hide would lock their phone.

Can we just delete this thread and forget I ever asked? Am I weird that I feel bad for lying to complete strangers on a web forum that I'll never meet in real life? I'm obviously not the kind of person that can live with telling lies. I wish I'd chosen a partner that felt the same way.

I can alert the mods, if you'd like to have the thread locked.

Don't beat yourself up, survivor. Even talking to internet strangers can make one feel vulnerable or ashamed.

There are trackers for phones and computers. I don't know a thing about them so I can't help you. But you are certainly not the first betrayed who's gone this route. Take care of yourself.

[This message edited by TheEnd at 7:41 PM, Monday, January 8th]

Why did you feel like you couldn't explicitly ask for what you needed?

@BluerThanBlue 1) the forum rules say to keep investigation questions in the investigation forum. 2) Someone said to go ahead and ask in General but in almost every forum I've encountered (Reddit, etc) nobody has been forthcoming about actually using any of the apps that I mentioned in my first post 3) Mainly because I know 99% of the time the responses are "don't do that to yourself" or "if you feel you need to check its game over anyways". Those responses don't help me in my situation. If I don't have proof she'll continue to lie. If I don't have messages printed out to expose her properly then we'll never move forward. Without proof we'll stay in a crappy marriage while she continues to have her emotional affair.

You know, stuff like that.

We could tell that you weren’t being upfront with us because your query wasn’t making sense.

Part of me was wondering if you might be a WS trying to throw off the investigative attempts of their BS.

Like I said before, you may want to start at the beginning in the JFO forum and let us guide you properly, methodically from a foundation of truth.

Posters will be more forthcoming and inclined to invest personal time and knowledge on your case if you seem legit and receptive to input.

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 8:48 PM, Monday, January 8th]

Hey Survivor,

Have you considered hiring a PI? You can do this discreetly and the PI likely has investigative techniques unknown to you. Before you say it’s too expensive, ask yourself what a D will cost you….

If I don't have proof she'll continue to lie. If I don't have messages printed out to expose her properly then we'll never move forward. Without proof we'll stay in a crappy marriage while she continues to have her emotional affair.

Brother, stop giving her so much power. This is not an episode of Law & Order where you have to have definitive proof to show in marriage court. Please take this as having your best interest in mind and it’s meant with kindness, but you are keeping yourself in a marriage prison of your own design….a prison that you have the master key to let yourself out of.

Your said it yourself, your marriage is crappy and your wife had or is still having an EA, quite possible that it’s a PA, because most dudes won’t hang around long for just an EA. Trust me, I get the urge to know what is going on with proof, but who are you trying to convince? Your marriage is between you and her, and brother, you seem pretty damn convinced from your recent posts. You don’t anymore to throw in the towel. If you want to go down the rabbit hole of installing a keylogger on your phone or other investigative measures, by all means, have at it, but the time, effort and money spent on that could also be spent towards a shark divorce attorney who will help you get out of this mess ASAP. The goal is to get out of infidelity, not wallow in it and see if you come up with airtight proof to convince your WW that she is cheating, tell her something she doesn’t already know.

If you’re shopping for advice among people you know and across multiple forums, and yet you’re not happy with the advice that you’re getting, it’s usually because (1) you know what you ought to do and you just don’t want to do it and/or (2) you’re not asking the right questions.

It seems like your situation is a little bit of both.

You don’t need SI to get suggestions for tracking apps and keyloggers; that’s what Google is for. You can also save yourself time and energy by hiring a PI.

But if you want advice about and support for navigating your way out of infidelity, that’s the the collective experience on SI is for.

So if you want the right answers—or better yet the right questions— start in JFO.

Read all the guidelines, please.

I've always assumed the vast majority of members tell the truth as they see it. An Internet advice forum cannot function unless the members are honest. Better late than never, I guess.

I'm locking this temporarily so as to minimize wasting members' time. After the other mods chime in, it may get unlocked.