Topic is Sleeping.
forestfirepine (original poster new member #82479) posted at 6:19 AM on Monday, November 13th, 2023
Hey All - one year ago my world blew up. Hitting the one year mark is hard and every damn thing is triggering me. Any advice or words of encouragement appreciated!
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:26 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2023
Can you schedule something that will pamper you? Day at the spa? Outing with some friends? I.E., anything you would enjoy to help claim back that date?
It is ok if you do not feel up to any of that this year but if you do, then I encourage you to schedule something.
NoThanksForTheMemories ( member #83278) posted at 5:45 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2023
I literally just got through mine. I ended up spending the day with my mom rather than with my WH. It was really nice to have some support and love without complications. I also considered doing a burn day to purge some of the bad memories by writing them on paper.
It is definitely a rough time with lots of intrusive memories floating up. Do what you need to do for self-care.
WH had a 3 yr EA+PA. Dday1 Nov '22. Dday4 Sep '23. 30 years together. Staying for the teenager. Allowing space for R without commitment.
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 6:50 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2023
Sending positive thoughts and encouragement your way. Antiversary days can be tough. I try to take really good care of myself around those times.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
forestfirepine (original poster new member #82479) posted at 10:08 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2023
Thanks everyone. Just got done with work. I thought about requesting this day off but decided I’d rather be busy. I need to think about what to do for myself tonight. My husband just texted me that he has a bad cold and I’m telling you it’s hard to have compassion right now. Maybe some popcorn and a non-triggering movie (yeah, right) and take out from wherever I want. Yes - intrusive memories for sure.
OnTheOtherSideOfHell ( member #82983) posted at 2:51 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2023
I know this may seem insane, but I celebrate the day. For me it’s the day that marks the beginning of my enlightenment. I reconciled so in a sense it’s the beginning of a faithful marriage. We’ve had over 5 faithful years now. D day ended the affair. It’s much better than the prior days when he was banging another.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:20 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2023
How are you doing today?
I dreaded the day for months, but in the end I felt a great weight lifted from my mind because I could now say, 'One year ago, my W was no longer in the A.' That's not unique to me, but it varies, which is why I'm asking/
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Miserylikescompany ( member #83993) posted at 4:15 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2023
I know this may seem insane, but I celebrate the day. For me it’s the day that marks the beginning of my enlightenment. I reconciled so in a sense it’s the beginning of a faithful marriage. We’ve had over 5 faithful years now. D day ended the affair. It’s much better than the prior days when he was banging another.
This is an approach I'm trying hard to adopt. My first DD anniversary is coming up in a week and I've started feeling the dread. I'm not sleeping again and I'm weepy and angry and lashing out.
But I'm trying to change the way I view it to this; DD (or probably more the next day) is the day we started Marriage 2.0. That's the day WWH had ended his A, and we both knew and vocalised that we did, in fact, want to give R a try even with the atomic bomb that had hit us. DD anniversary will mean we survived an entire year, I survived an entire year of this post a-bomb life. I mean it is the day the rug was pulled out from under me but in fact things were way worse the months running up to DD as WWH was in an active A up to then. DD is when we started turning things around.
We landed ourselves a really great MC after DD that asked us a really pivotal question immediately after DD when we were still in acute triage. Our M had been in a lot of trouble for many years, so we had been in MC a year before WWH's A started. But that MC was no good at all and we were making zero progress, in fact we were worse off than at the start ( she kept telling us we should divorce because she would have had she been us etc and we kept having to talk her into counseling us to stay together, this was pre-A). When we started with the acute triage after DD with the new MC we described how our marriage had been like the two of us having thrown grenades at each other for years from our separate fortresses, hurting, getting hurt, and hurting back again etc. Each unable to really see or feel the other's pain as we were so barred up in our own fortress of pain, we could only see and feel our own hurt. Then WWH dropped the A-bomb and everything was blown to bits. Our entire world shattered. Then she asked: so now that the bomb has been dropped. Are you guys still standing in separate craters or are you in the same crater? We immediately realised and agreed, that for the first time in years, we were in fact, in the same crater. We were no longer boarded up in our individual fortresses. We were standing in an enormous crater that had ripped our entire world apart, but we were able to look at each other and see the other's hurt for the first time in many years.
So this is what I am planning to make DD about for me, hopefully. 'We're in the same hole now, let's start crawling out together-day'.
Topic is Sleeping.
