Everybody make it through the storms ok?
We are basically ok. Marble-sized hail hitting sideways and 65 mph winds tracked. But super grateful. Thought it was gonna crack one of the vintage windows in the little apartment, but seems intact.
Hope everyone made it through safely.
1 comment posted: Saturday, May 17th, 2025
Happy Mothers Day to all including pet parents
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there today. This includes pet mothers!
I hope you have a fabulous day!
1 comment posted: Sunday, May 11th, 2025
Spring Cleaning? Decluttering?
Seems like spring is finally here so I decided to tackle a bit of Spring Cleaning.
Any other spring cleaners in the group?
Anyone want to "spill the tea" about their favorite area to declutter (or clutter as the case may be). I think my 2 worst areas are water bottles/coffee cups and misc spices when one of us gets the jar of whatever spice a recipe calls for instead of buying what we actually need from the bulk spice section at the natural foods coop.
Bonus I did a quick purge of the misc charge cords and related stuff that seem to accumulate.
F (fiance) was a good sport as I did a quick decluttering of the water bottle coffee cup hoard and moved on to the kitchen utensil drawer. I also made my way through the misc spices and (being the good sport he is), he F helped me take the good stuff to the thrift store and the trash to the bin :)
I am now relaxing on the couch with an ice cold Coke from "half price happy hour" from the drive-in up the block!!
Happy Spring everyone!
11 comments posted: Wednesday, April 16th, 2025
Gratitude Post
I wanted to take a moment to thank the people on this forum who took the time to offer their experience, strength and hope when I arrived. I literally owe you my life.
Had I been married to a WS who was willing to follow the advice and own their side of the street in the A, I believe the advice given here could have been marriage-saving. To be clear I do not believe my ex marriage cheated. My ex wh was fully responsible for his choices and decisions. FWIW he has gone on to cheat on at least one other woman who believed she was in a monogamous relationship with him. I know because she actually publicly outed him, and I believe her.
I am not at all grateful for the trauma. I absolutely do not believe that infidelity abuse or the ensuing trauma made me or my family stronger or better. And I don’t believe I deserved what happened to me. But I will be forever grateful to the members here who created this site and to those who cared enough to post, comment, and share.
3 comments posted: Friday, April 11th, 2025
Update
I try to post every now and again just in case it will help anyone to read this sort of thing.
Things are generally peaceful in the little apartment. We have nice things, many of which we got in very fortuitous ways. it’s clean and generally orderly.
As an example, I had been wanting a replacement espresso maker because the one I cleaned and repaired that was given to me we have had for almost 3 years and it wasn’t new to begin with. F wanted a coffee grinder. Yesterday I found an almost new espresso machine, a barely used grinder, and $$$ of accessories while out of town for an appointment F had. I messaged the person who had the machine and they said it was sold (no wonder at the price they were asking). The they messaged me back and said the person had changed their mind. We met about 10 minutes from where we were and I have an almost new espresso setup with everything someone could want including things I don’t even know how to use like a bottomless portafilter haha.
Some of the details of what a blessing this was and how it came about I will post in the prayer thread to keep this one from becoming religious. But my short version is that the person did not want this stuff. They were well aware of its value and deliberately dropped the price extremely low. And I gratefully accepted the blessing and added it to many more I have received since no longer being with exwh. It is as if there is more room for good things with him not in my life. More peace. More order. More blessings.
I mention the material things because by the end of the divorce process most of that was gone. I was sleeping and sitting on the floor and had lost my home. But I was free of infidelity.
Recently F (fiance) took off work and took me to one of the top medical centers in the country for my cardiac follow up.
And the results were that I am apparently inexplicably currently free of the life-threatening heart problems I started experiencing several years ago when exwh was deep in the affair. I recently found out about something called broken heart syndrome, and it made me wonder if there was any connection.
My recurrence of the (rare) breast tumor that came back during the abusive divorce process from the first time I had it (during and after EXWH’s cheating episode 1) was apparently managed with the surgery I had recently, and the reports from the tests say it is not currently cancer. I recently found out there is a connection between breast tumors and stress too. And I believe it in my case.
I did everything I knew how to do and much more than I should have to try to save my ex marriage. It failed. But I am so grateful to not still be caught in that vortex of chaos and pain.
I am still making progress paying down the unjust divorce debt.
I am working to heal emotionally, financially, and spiritually. From where I stand, unrepentant liars lie and unrepentant cheaters cheat unless they decide to do the hard work it takes to change. More often than we wish, they can seemingly get away with it. I would like to believe the world is just. So this is all still very painful for me.
Nonetheless, a lot of good has happened to me since exwh abandoned me and told me he would destroy me if I left him. I don’t think that the infidelity trauma is good or that it makes me stronger. It just traumatized me. But the sun is shining today.
Some people can reconcile. Exwh was not a candidate because he had no intention of being sexually or otherwise faithful to me. Nonetheless, lately I have been challenging myself to wake up every day ask myself an important question, "How can I do so well in my life as to make what exwh did to me irrelevant."
I wish fellow survivors on this site much peace and healing and many blessings.
5 comments posted: Tuesday, April 8th, 2025
Bucket list
I was thinking of some low-key bucket list esque activities I/we might want to do. Not skydiving or shark fishing haha but lower key pleasurable things. Any personal favorites?
So here goes one of mine…
I saw that you could kayak in biolumenescent water in Florida. That looks fun!
34 comments posted: Thursday, March 20th, 2025
St Patrick’s day celebration
F and I are working on celebrating holidays and achievements. We had a lot of work and drama llama in our previous lives and missed out on the celebrations. So it’s time to change that.
I got myself some lucky socks haha
And I put out a crystal bowl with some green folded cranes in it. Beyond that I am not sure what people do to celebrate this holiday aside from drinking beer and turning rivers green…
I am not much of a beer drinker so may need to make green mocktails :)
Any fun plans for the holiday?
7 comments posted: Friday, March 14th, 2025
Watching college games how?
I am wondering if someone can explain how things work with paying to stream/watch college games.
As an example, I upgraded from just an inexpensive Disney plus subscription to one with espn plus for a month in order to watch the Michigan versus Michigan basketball game tonight. But it is not being streamed on espn plus tonight?
Any tips on how to know you will be getting a specific game on a specific Chanel on a specific night would be appreciated.
4 comments posted: Friday, February 21st, 2025
Amplification
I saw an interesting tik online video and I wonder what people think about this…
The poster was talking about "amplification". In other words, that people can become more of what they (are but changing who people are at their core is very different…)
As an example, a person might be genuinely kind or faithful or a good listener. And those are things that can grow and the person turns out to be a good partner.
I am in a relationship now with someone who shows up for work, buys cards and flowers, shares domestic labor, and expresses appreciation. The relationship is not an uphill battle. It’s generally peaceful and supportive.
I have friends who randomly drop off soup they made or text to see if I want to do errands with them (that’s a Midwest thing I think). They bake gluten free things for my birthday and drop off balloons and remember the kinds of things I need and like.
I see a lot of people in SI (both BS and former WS) being consistently genuinely kind and helpful to other people. And I am impressed by their talents and achievement. Things like jobs, taking care of family and friend, cooking, gardening, travels, and so many other things.
They make the world a better place.
Seeing that video yesterday just made me think…
1 comment posted: Thursday, February 20th, 2025
Super Bowl or no?
Watching the Super Bowl? If so is it expensive and hard to stream?
If so favorite snacks?
I am pretty disinterested in football, but it seems the thing to do :)
I am definitely a salty snack person.
15 comments posted: Sunday, February 2nd, 2025
Advice about decent used tablet or laptop
I find the advice given on here to be generally good so…
Like clockwork the hand-me-down laptop I have been using has started acted strange the week after the extended warranty expired. It is about 4 years old—which is like 100 years in computer (like dog) years according to the computer repair places…
I am going to do the normal stuff on a tablet or laptop…watch Disney movies, buy stuff we don’t need on marketplace, play candy crush, emails, SI etc
What sort of new or lightly refurbished apple or windows device with what specific processor, ram etc have people found to be "enough".
Is there a reasonably priced iPad that will do this?
Lighter weight and easier to travel with is a plus.
3 comments posted: Tuesday, January 21st, 2025
Brutal cold weather
What a mess! 35 degrees and raining earlier today. Sleet. Temps dropping into the teens. With subzero wind chills (South of the Mason Dixon line).
Stay safe and warm!
5 comments posted: Sunday, January 19th, 2025
Covid
I tested just to humor myself because I had a headache and over 101 fever for less than 8 hours. (And I try to be considerate of other people and not spread germs.) I was mildly concerned of a small chance I might havre gotten a small infection from my procedure for my breast tumor recurrence.
I figured I might have some respiratory crud... Nope. I have Covid…..
I tested before visiting older family members for the holidays as a precaution since I had been in a medical setting for the procedure and had travelled.
Anyway posting just to say do be careful out there. And please be civil. While some people have viewpoints that this is minor for them, this crud is nasty and I would not want to give it to anyone. My main symptoms are aweful head and body aches and feeling like (stop reading now if it’s tmi) losing what little food I have gotten down when even thinking of eating normal food.
Also certain normal food smells aweful.
Hope everyone is staying well.
This is ruining my fun plans for the rest of the weekend.
Any tips or tricks to not dehydrate? I am thinking of instacarting some juice shots and maybe ginger ale?
21 comments posted: Monday, January 13th, 2025
Thoughts on New Years resolutions
I have never been one for New Year’s resolutions, but am contemplating certain changes I would like to make this year. I am curious what others think, making and keeping them, usefulness etc.
3 comments posted: Tuesday, January 7th, 2025
New Years Celebration ideas
Any ideas for fun lower key New Years celebrations?
Anybody got #lifegoals type plans for nye/ny?
I am slowly working on joy and would love to hear fun ideas.
Fiancé and I will be together at the little apartment for the New Years and we are contemplating how best to celebrate.
We did pretty our dining table up with some inexpensive "Christmas" table decor that can be used for multiple holidays (gold plastic chargers/linen napkins and a generic candle).
Fiancé did say that a lower key evening this year would be preferable to him.
We could possibly make a nice meal like (for us gluten free) pasta.
Aside from that, I guess we could see if anyone wanted to play some euchre… (watching the Disney channel on the laptop by ourselves seems too lame haha). We do still have a lot of non perishable food left from Christmas… We had some (big box food store that sells in bulk) credit so liberally applied it to snack foods in giant bags and boxes…
The little apartment is within walking distance of at least 4 places that serve alcohol and 2 that serve espresso and other coffee drinks. So the neighborhood is bound to be a roving party NYE.
Not sure what the weather is going to be like, but above freezing, so could walk to one of the local trails on New Year’s Day and go for a hike. I doubt the trails would be too crowded that day.
And not to start too much controversy, but the tree will still be up 
11 comments posted: Sunday, December 29th, 2024
Holiday “tablescapes, “good china” etc
Internet algorithms think they need to send me pics of "tablescapes" and they are stunning!! What people can do "setting a table" is phenomenal.
We have white open stock dishes and plain glasses. I now have table envy.
Does anyone else "set a table" for everyday or holidays. Any fancy napkin folders in the group? That’s impressive to watch too wow!
5 comments posted: Saturday, December 21st, 2024
Black Friday or No Black Friday?
Fiancé and I had a nice peaceful Thanksgiving with a nice low-key meal at home and a hike afterwards.
So we figured maybe we would mix it up a bit and do something to shake things up a bit tomorrow like go to the mall for no good reason haha
What about the rest of you? Black Friday shopping or no Black Friday shopping?
7 comments posted: Friday, November 29th, 2024
Finally a holiday trend I can relate to…gonna have myself a grinchy little Christmas
So I am leaning towards a grinch themed holiday…
Anyone else clipping screenshots of Grinch-themed decor and food?
Or I am the only weird one in the bunch…maybe don’t answer that 
2 comments posted: Friday, November 15th, 2024
Premature Decoration
So I am blaming this on a friend who bought me a couple of cute solar lights that I use to keep delivery people from ending up in the ditch—normal sort of driveway, just them hitting the driveway markers.
Rudolph and Frosty are now guarding the drive. I was shopping lights today. I am outing myself as officially being guilty of premature decoration.
How about the rest of you? Any other premature decorators in the group?
26 comments posted: Thursday, November 14th, 2024
Hope everyone remains safe with the Hurricane
Sending positive thoughts to everyone in the path of or affected by the hurricane.
Stay safe!
We started losing power this morning and there is flooding all around us. We are inland 600 miles but in the projected eye.
We went out and bought junk food because hurricane party (used to live in Florida and also on the coast). Got some bottled water, filling the bathtub, have a bunch of reusable ice packs in the fridge and we are on the 3rd floor so hoping for the best but we do live near a river.
22 comments posted: Friday, September 27th, 2024
Team pumpkin spice or not? Whatcha making for fall?
My friend know I am team pumpkin spice and they laugh about it. And humor me with pumpkin vegan lattes
I am scrolling for recipes and am making pumpkin overnight oats and probably some vegan pumpkin creamer.
I am on a low fat plant based diet due to medical reasons, thus the vegan focus.
When my fiance gets a chance I am hoping he will make and freeze a double batch of his famous pumpkin bars this weekend! Yumm
25 comments posted: Tuesday, September 24th, 2024
Plans for the holiday?
Anyone have fun plans for Labor Day?
We have to be out of town for a family celebration of life (funeral) on the holiday weekend so we are planning to keep it sort of low key.
We have invited some people for heavy appetizers which is my usual thing. I grew up in the land of cheese and honey (WI) in an ethnic group that loves to eat. So there WILL be food and lots of it. Weirdly I don’t drink beer. Or really much alcohol at all. We will see who decides to celebrate with us. Generally someone shows up.
The next weekend we are planning to go to a veteran fundraiser in the mountains where you learn how to kayak. My now fiancé who is retired military (4 continents, at least 3 war zones and yes he is a real person I have known for around 5 years—not an internet love scammer haha) is taking care of the costs and logistics of us getting there with his busy schedule etc. So I am going to relax and enjoy my camping passenger princess experience haha.
To be fair, I told him I was not big on camping when we started dating. But he has lots of good memories growing up camping with his family. It should be a fun weekend for a good cause to fund outdoor opportunities for veterans and their families.
Suggestions in what to bring, packe etc are welcome. I am packing sunscreen and clothes to keep me from getting burnt in the water (been there done that kayaking once before). We are car camping and have a tent and air mattress. I am hoping we can get the inverter accessory for the flex hookup in the bed of his new truck so I can at least boil water to make coffee. Maybe someone knows a livable instant or micronized camping coffee? Coffee is my only non negotiable
What’s everyone else got planned?
18 comments posted: Saturday, August 24th, 2024
Happy American 4th of July. Hope you have a great time!
Happy American 4th of July!
I hope you have a great one!
Lots of food, family, friends.
I know I will. What started out as a couple of friends having lunch turned out to be a bunch of people coming over. So I am up early prepping food (did some yesterday too).
Prepped about 10 pounds of fruit and veggies! Have an instacart order on the way with more pizzas and chicken and all the stuff I inevitably forgot at my quick trip to the grocery store :)
I am basically fixing 3 different types of meals because of various people’s dietary needs and preferences…
It looks like rain! But at least it won’t be so scorching hot!
9 comments posted: Thursday, July 4th, 2024
Funny typos
Todays funny typo of the day…
In a job post:
"There’s a Monthly Agency fee to maintain your Errors and Emissions Insurance through the company."
10 comments posted: Monday, April 29th, 2024
Anyone else salty because “their” team lost and their significant others didn’t
I had not really watched sports much in more than 4 decades, but had a couple "free" sporting events tickets this year and somehow thought this March Madness thing could be fun.
My bf’s team where he is working on a second degree won yesterday. One of the teams where I got a degree did not. Now we are talking the final 4 here.
I am finding myself a bit salty that this happened!! Is this normal American Sports behavior
I guess next week I will be eating wings and chip and dip and cheering and clapping for "his team" like nothing happened?
2 comments posted: Sunday, April 7th, 2024
Requesting SI mojo
I am facing a post divorce situation that is stunning in terms of EXWH’s lies and malice.
I am not at liberty to discuss the specifics.
I am asking for any SI "mojo" anyone wants to send my way.
I will be giving a friend (fellow betrayed) information on this site and my user name so they can make an account of their own and post an update about me if I am not able if that is allowed.
May the truth prevail.
Wishing everyone going through infidelity much peace and healing.
28 comments posted: Tuesday, March 5th, 2024
Anyone an amazing vegetarian/vegan cook? Any suggestions for what’s for dinner?
So bf and I eat a bit differently. I am a pretty basic 1-3 ingredient kind of plant based cook. They like a lot of different ingredients. I used to live in a climate where I ate mostly raw fruits and salads. No drama or anything about these differences.
But we are thinking of making more "curries" or more interesting plant based Whole Foods kinds of meals. They want to eat more plant based meals. We are looking for some yummy spring time suggestions.
Also aside from things like rice and peas and beans and rice, "stir fry", and the occasional rice bowl with things in it, that’s about the extent of "vegetarian cooking" for me. They were used to more traditional American meals like meat and potatoes, but want to eat more vegetarian for healthier meals.
Any suggestions for weekday meals that are not super complicated?
We bought things like curry spices, coconut milk etc.
Any tips or suggestions would be appreciated.
22 comments posted: Monday, February 19th, 2024
Dealing with cyber attempts and unauthorized cc charges
Ugh… needing to be even more careful and keep a check on computers and accounts…
So a couple of people I know have had whopping unauthorized credit card charges in the past
Few weeks.
I have been having attacks trying to get into my emails and sync my laptop
The laptop has always had antivirus. It’s been scanned etc
I have taken precautions such as 2 step
Authorizations, changing some login info, making sure no browsers are saving my passwords etc
But I am wondering what’s up and what people need to do to protect themselves?
3 comments posted: Thursday, December 21st, 2023
Rolling Stones US tour see them or skip?
I saw them around 40 years ago. So that makes them "aarper" rockers so a friend jokes.
Thinking of getting tickets if possible to a show but curious what other SI ers think about seeing the Stones one last time?
17 comments posted: Friday, December 1st, 2023
It’s been a long time since I did algebra with a cheap calculator help
Ugh
I have reason to "teach" algebra for graduate accounting where the person is allowed to use just a standard cheap calculator.
It’s been more than half my relatively long life since it did this sort of thing.
Any tips or tricks when dealing with exponents and lots of parenthesis other than drinking wine and reviewing edited to correct my phone thinking it can
Spell PEMDAS
3 comments posted: Saturday, November 25th, 2023
Infidelity—The gift that keeps on giving
I am still healing from infidelity even after 5 plus years. And here it goes again with a family member of someone close to me being cheated on and all of the fallout from that. Not only does this bring up a lot
of feelings for me but I am sure for that person who is also survivor of infidelity.
What is wrong with people? The marriage affected is not a long one. Why even marry if you are cheating?
I think venting is allowed in general…hope it is..
13 comments posted: Thursday, October 26th, 2023
Knowing one’s worth
My life now is far and away from my life with WH.
As an example, a friend sent me a new to me (refurbished Amazon prime deal) smartwatch because mine was old and had stopped working.
They knew I needed one because I use it for medical reasons, and they know I am still recovering from WH’s post separation post divorce financial abuse.
In the past I might have been reluctant to accept such a nice gift. This time I warmly thanked the gift giver.
I realized that I had poured myself out to take
care of EXWH and he abused my kindness. This person did this for me because they recognized what I do for them and others.
I don’t know if the physical, emotional,spiritual and financial damage from my marriage to EXWH will ever heal. I fear I will always carry the scars.
But today I paused and breathed in that I am worthy of having my needs met in relationships whether it is affection, gifts, care, or fidelity.
99 comments posted: Monday, October 16th, 2023
Holiday in Jamaica any tips?
Montego Bay this year
Has anyone been? Any favorite places to stay ?
Travel tips?
A friend is taking me there to meet other family members this holiday.
We will probably fly out of Greensboro NC but we are open to ideas.
7 comments posted: Wednesday, October 11th, 2023
Thoughts pro and con about participating in online domestic violence month social media posts
I respect the viewpoints of other members of the group and thought I would post about this current event and see what people think about posting?
I am considering breaking the silence. I have somewhat of a growing social media presence around rather mundane pictures and videos that apparently tens of thousands of people view.
I think it would be healthy for me to break the silence but I am sure there are some downsides to it.
It’s the hand over the mouth post I am thinking of doing.
Thoughts?
Also mods if you think this belongs in a different thread my apologies.
8 comments posted: Monday, October 9th, 2023
Thoughts pro and con about participating in online domestic violence month social media posts (moved to General)
This Topic has been moved to General
0 comment posted: Monday, October 9th, 2023
Redo or avoid
I am curious if any other people struggle with this. I was married to EX (feels amazing to say this) husband for decades so we had a lot of history together. For that reason there are a lot of places and things we did together.
Next week i am going to a place EXWH and I went to many times—including a very painful time right after DD2.
Looking back, EXWH was a horrible gaslighting blameshifting, partner. Serial cheater, liar and generally low on empathy.
A date is planning a lovely time at said location. Date and I have a great deal of honesty between us. (They are not unaware of my history. They are also a BS. )
I have pretty awful CPTSD from EXWH multiple A’s and long-term abusive treatment along with vicarious and actual trauma from my occupation. I am getting help for it.
We talked about whether it’s healthy to deliberately go certain places and make new positive memories or whether to avoid such places. If we did the avoid, we would be avoiding most of the major cities in America…
I wonder what other people have done?
I would love a redo as far as intimacy in these locations too given how EXWH managed to ruin that too. However, that’s not in the cards this trip due to date’s and my religious/spiritual values. (Although it would be an upgrade in that department too!)
Thoughts? Experiences?
8 comments posted: Monday, September 11th, 2023
Well wishes appreciated Nearing the finish line
I am very near the end of the divorce/trial
I appreciate everyone here. You literally saved my life.
Friends saved my life.
I will post more when it is decided finally but for the next few days and well wishes would be very much appreciated. For all concerned.
27 comments posted: Thursday, August 3rd, 2023
Hawks hitting the windows and chasing other birds into the window?
In the mornings a few days I have heard big birds hitting the window. I saw a flash of yellow like an oriole today and then a spotted hawk knocked itself out. It managed to awaken by the time I went to check on it and it flew away.
I am wondering if a family of raptors has replaced the murder (group) of crows that used to terrorize. I do remember a medicine man telling me that crows chase hawk so maybe with them gone the hawks have decided to become the neighborhood bird bullies?
6 comments posted: Tuesday, July 18th, 2023
Sexuality after Infidelity
In less than a month I will be a free woman. Free of infidelity. Free of a more than 3 decades long abusive marriage with multiple d days. Free to engage in consensual relationships again instead of the involuntary celibacy wh inflicted on me while the D languished.
I was for no reason I can think of consumed by a panicked feeling at the thought of being sexually intimate in this almost here future. I had this feeling of all consuming dread and panic in a public place for no known trigger.
It’s been over 5 years since my last D day.
Over 4 years of healing post failed R. And still the ugly hand of Trauma reaches out and smacks me upside the head.
4 comments posted: Friday, July 14th, 2023
Things you know now that you wish you knew then.
I wish I knew the extent of lies he would be willing to tell. The lengths he would be willing to go to.
10 comments posted: Monday, July 10th, 2023
Iris issues...wonder if it's the weather
I started growing flowers and sharing them during the pandemic. I had some I inherited, some that were gifted, and a housemate who was good with a shovel :)
This year I decided to sell some very reasonably to test growing flowers as a potential source of income.
Same housemate dug some for the first sale and we were horrified when we noticed spots on the leaves and a few brown leaves. I started looking around and most everyone's iris have issues this year.
Any iris gardeners in the crowd?
5 comments posted: Sunday, May 14th, 2023
Having a back tooth out tomorrow scary
I am having to have a back tooth out tomorrow and I am really afraid. I was told that they would give me Tylenol mixed with advil for pain.
Any tips or tricks?
I have heard no dairy after.
My extraction is 2pm.
I am having my own blood taken and spun and injected to rebuild bone for an implant.
8 comments posted: Tuesday, April 11th, 2023
Deadlifting/benchpress endorphins? Fun?
Curious if anyone has ever deadlifted for fun at the gym.
I have a "free" gym membership and a willing lifting partner so crossed trying a deadlift off of my bucket list
Decided I liked it. Added benchpress in for fun.
Actually feel pretty amazing.
This hands down beats how I have been feeling since that which we don't talk about.
Wondered anyone else's experiences with lifting heavier weights.
13 comments posted: Wednesday, March 1st, 2023
watching the Tony Robbins live?
So I did a thing. I accepted the gift of the vip access to the current Tony Robbins live from a friend and it is truly inspiring.
Not signing up to walk on fire but enjoying the Livestream.
Wondered if anyone else found inspiration in his work?
8 comments posted: Tuesday, January 24th, 2023
Wheels never left the ground for vacay
I had an eventful vacation that began with a lock down roads closed sub artic once in a lifetime storm. Then flight to Vegas being cancelled for no crew, days in the phone to rebook, Water pipes freezing and bursting at a major airport so no water there. Then the door to our rebooked flight not closing so we could not get to our destination....missed it all!
Pivoted and took a localish train trip. Ate some good food. Looked at some apartments in the District, stayed in a lovely place. Even though one person had a family health crisis where they had to take a sudden flight to a completely different region, we still got everyone basically back where they needed to be for work etc.
No vacation. No city views, 5 star accomodations, dazzling shows, wonders of the world tours. All down the drain. Most of the points that were saved and some pooled cash used for this once in a lifetime kinda experience..no telling what we might or might not get refunded if much of anything.
Funny thing tho. Everyone on the trip acted like decent civilized humans. No one did drama. Every one took care of each other and some family and friends pitched in.
Better luck for us next year!
Happy New Year Everyone!
2 comments posted: Sunday, January 1st, 2023
Stuff to do in Vegas
Thinking of heading to Vegas for the holidays. Heard there are amazing parks within an hour of there and it is generally an inexpensive place to travel.
Anyone have any suggestions of fun things to do.
I like nature. Am not a drinker. Enjoy healthier food. Parks? Nature? Maybe a magic show? The warm weather is a big plus there.
11 comments posted: Sunday, November 13th, 2022
Stray Cats. Tigger and Tina
Yesterday I was moving furniture in the yard and guess what? A very sweet bit older than kitten kitty shows up with their shy brother/sister.
From the looks of them they were dumped off in "the country".
Bad news is they now have names. Tina is more friendly than Tigger Thomas.
Remind me of the million reasons I do not need a pet right now ...much less two.
They have litter box, two kinds of $$ food, some toys and a cute little bed.
Tina likes chicken nuggets.
Thomas thinks I am scary and runs from me.
8 comments posted: Saturday, October 29th, 2022
Any recommends for winter holiday vacay not overseas due to travel time
Wondered if anyone has recommends for places that would be fun for holiday time get a way.
Prefer reasonable travel time from Dulles or Chicago and not NYC
🎄 ⛄
17 comments posted: Thursday, October 27th, 2022
Perfume after having Covid
I spent a good part of today shopping in Belgium and as part of that checking out French and amazing South African perfume. I had never experienced this pre my think second bout with Covid at Easter (first was before the official pandemic).
Anyway, my nose found musky scents to smell like what I can only describe as a dirty ferret cage....I did used to work as a biologist and have smelled mink before and met the occasional fairly clean ferret pet after that but this smell thing is ruining a lot of perfumes for me. I also can't seem to cleanse my nose with coffee either.
It's like the smell persists in my head. And this is like 200 euro and up perfume (was going to get a few smallish tester size vials as a treat with a gift card I was given.
Any one else experience this sort of thing?
9 comments posted: Thursday, October 13th, 2022
Motor replacement in a car
if you had a 7 year old car and there was an issue where the motor needed to be replaced (known overheat issue with the brand but not yet a class action or recall)
And given parts shortages
Has anyone ever had a good experience they want to share with a remanufactured motor with a warranty?
3 comments posted: Sunday, September 25th, 2022
Packing/clothing for a week in europe
So I am heading to Europe for a week.
Wondering if anyone has suggestions for appropriate clothing for one week of travel and any suggestions of other things I would want to bring with. Destination is Brussels. Think I will choose to fly economy because the difference is several thousand dollars and/or equivalent air Miles and the plane ticket is a gift. May upgrade with Delta miles depending on the amount needed.
Also wondered if anyone has experience with flying and layover in Dubai?
52 comments posted: Sunday, September 11th, 2022
Anyone have something amazing happen to them that that would never have happened if you hadn't started over
WH refused to leave the country for decades with no known valid legitimate reason. Not afraid of flying. In fact the opposite. I don't rent him the space in my head to question why anymore...but...
Funny thing...Maybe what people call Karma?
I am taking a no cost to me trip to Europe. On his birthday (not intentionally, it just happened that I had a no cost to me ticket and place to stay in that day).
13 comments posted: Wednesday, August 31st, 2022
Any irl meetups planned again?
Wondered if there were any in real life meetups being planned in the Chicago area this fall?
4 comments posted: Tuesday, August 30th, 2022
Doxycycline hcl and dairy
So is it no dairy at all while taking doxycycline?
I got a bug bite or ?? They don't know but my leg was hot and red with a raised area...was sent to the urgent care which is like a stepped down ER that really good doctors work in.
Probably not the best plan but I noticed it at night and waited to call the doctor until the next day. They sent me to the urgent care. My legs were so swollen and so much pain.
Less than 12 hours on the medication and lost 6 lbs of edema.
Not playing with whatever this is so figured I would see what SI peeps (who I have found to be a smart lot) know about dairy and doxy.hcl
4 comments posted: Saturday, August 27th, 2022
Has anyone employed a forensic accountant or pi that is willing to share ?
I am wondering if people might be willing to share their experiences employing a forensic accountant?
What about a private digital investigator during the divorce? For stuff like lifestyle hidden from the court?
Just wondering about cost versus benefit etc
4 comments posted: Wednesday, August 10th, 2022
Dealing with symptoms of covid especially total lack of appetite
So the inevitable happened. I tested flamingly positive for covid.
The state I am in dropped the mask mandate.
I had an important dentist appointment.
I went to church (small congregation and figured C had already made its rounds through there long ago). I got groceries etc. I masked. Was not close to anyone. Hadn't as much as left the house in about 3 weeks.
But as luck would have it I have covid. I have a wicked sore throat. Stuff smells weird. Like my hair conditioner smells aweful 
Ordinarily I would be an eat when I am hungry and not when I am not person but....
The thought of almost any food makes me feel like getting sick. Also my throat feels like I swallowed ground glass.
My blood pressure was a little low this morning so I made myself drink some lemon, ginger, honey water with a little salt.
My temp is down from 103 to around 99ish.
Any suggestions for foods (to complicate things I have to eat gluten free)?
Can I eat popsicles or do I need to avoid things like sugar?
Any fluid guidelines?
21 comments posted: Monday, April 25th, 2022
Gotta love this song....what's on your playlist?
Jake Hoot feat Kelly Clarkson
I would have loved you!
It's #1 on my 3 year post listen to in the shower and sing along playlist
Gotta love country music!
And Celo Green clean version (Forget You)
moves down to number 2 on my playlist.
0 comment posted: Thursday, February 24th, 2022
Starting over job wise
So I am well enough from the Lyme to consider part time work again.
I am educated but the effects of the Lyme, infidelity trauma etc mean that I need to be looking for something part time and flexible and remote.
I am feeling lost. I have kept up with technology like with my computer and remote meetings etc, but could use some brushing up in windows programs like excell. I have not "worked" in over a decade and am not yet well enough to go back to anything like I did.
I am also not the person I was before the repeated serial d days...so I honestly have no idea where to start.
30 comments posted: Friday, February 18th, 2022
Indescribably Good
I can not even begin to describe how good it feels to wake up every day free of abuse.
I am a survivor.
I have good friends.
Contrary to what my wh told me, it is simply very far from the truth that no one would ever "want me"...
I am healing from the Lyme disease (less antibodies and fewer positive bands).
My pain and tension levels are lower than I can ever remember them being.
I wake up not feeling drained.
I now think of my wh as so tainted and disgustingly defiled I would not take him back much less be intimate with him if he was the last man on earth. He repulses me. That is a good thing because he is not safe for me at any speed.
I have had a change of mind. I now view very few decisions as one way streets. That is very freeing and should serve me well. For that reason, I deeply regret not leaving and filing for divorce immediately the first time I found out he was lying much less cheating. I had my reasons. But I could have reversed course and stopped the divorce if he had chosen to stop lying, do the work, and become a safe partner.
I am no longer a schmuck.
There are moments of joy and beauty.
I survived infidelity.
11 comments posted: Sunday, December 5th, 2021
In the pit with a lion on a snowy day
I am in the process of reprogramming my mind.
I was given several boxes of books...one of them by this title, which caught my eye.
Wondering if any other divorcing spouses feel/felt like they are/were in the pit with a lion on a snowy day?
Any tips for surviving?
Thriving?
The good news is even if my back is against the wall of the pit, I can now see the 🦁
0 comment posted: Friday, August 13th, 2021
Is this normal
So I am wondering if anyone else has had to deal with breaking down curled up in a ball sobbing while going through the divorce process. It's been a couple of years since I have seen my WS and still I am not free. It doesn't help that I am swimming in debt and see no way that they court will act quickly to set me free.
There are days where I do not think I can get up again to continue to fight him.
Days I wonder how I married a monster. Days I question my own perception of reality..which is why I kept the actual bathroom door he punched in several places leaving big holes just sitting in the garage in case I need to remind myself.
8 comments posted: Thursday, June 24th, 2021
No deposit
So this month I have not yet received funds and there has not been payment for the mortgage.
Special thanks to attorney number one who apparently submitted a temporary order over a year ago that did not (how this could happen I have no idea) include who pays the mortgage and several other bills.
Not sure I can say this here so mods I will delete if you ask but praying for a miracle.
Did talk with the lender and they have no covid programs and no way to modify without husband's participation.
17 comments posted: Friday, May 7th, 2021
You can. You will.
I am approaching 3 years post d day. Round two that I know of for the chex (cheating ex).
Each day I get stronger. Each day I get better. There are ups and downs. My story is ugly There will always be scars. I do still struggle to not let this take my life.
But I am a survivor. Of horrible abuse. (I believe infidelity is vicious evil soul sucking abuse.)
I lived to tell my story in the hopes that it will in some way help others.
I have excellent friends. I make a difference in people's lives and I don't miss the chex (cheating ex) and his group of cheater cheerleaders one single bit. I have so much more energy and vitality now. My life is so much better with him not in it.
Do not give up. There is hope. There is renewal. You can survive to have purpose and a new life.
3 comments posted: Sunday, April 4th, 2021
Tattoo or no tattoo? Vegas or no?
Leaning a bit on humor to deal with the pain of infidelity tonight....
During this whole long drawn out divorce process I considered getting a tattoo.... A relatively large inner forearm script tattoo that said "integrity".
And I dreamed of a quickie Vegas divorce. The quick Vegas divorce is out. Can't seem to get the non Vegas divorce in a reasonable time either. The court process is just more abuse by proxy. That just leaves the tattoo.
I do joke about eventually heading to Vegas and marrying my new fnb (friend no benefits since I am still legally married to the chex aka the cheating ex). He really is a nice guy. Bet he wonders how he ended up with someone as jaded about relationships as me...
Sooo tattoo or no tattoo? Vegas or no Vegas.
26 comments posted: Sunday, March 21st, 2021
Two years ago today I walked away
Two years ago today I walked away from an abusive unrepentant cheating husband. I do not for one second regret this today. It was the hardest most heartbreaking thing I have ever done...I caught him back talking with his ap and the affair flying monkeys and cheerleaders and I was DONE.
Despite his best efforts to destroy me, so far I am living my best life ever. I am no longer an anxious gaslit lied to yelled at until he spit on me mess. And it feels great.
Also a big shout out to his aps. Thank you for being with him so I dont have to be!!! You give me the best gift ever. Freedom from any sort of attachment to a man who lied to me for decades and risked my health and life.
Btw if your ws told you the reason they cheated was you...chances are it isn't.
Never settle. Never give up!!
12 comments posted: Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021
Every breath I take..why to walk away
I learned awhile back that to have success I need a why. I am beginning writing a book about why to walk away. My answer is every breath I take.
It's been three years now since I was diagnosed with lyme that was attacking my heart and began to suspect that the stbxch (soon to be ex cheating husband) was an unfaithful history rewriting blame shifting liar whose only true regret was that he got caught before he extracted what he had planned financially before leaving me sick broken and destitute.
His actions and "the groups" he cheated in...his infidelity and lies along with their horrific gaslighting and bullying...almost cost me my life. I can not count the number of times I laid curled up on the floor sobbing thinking of ending my life those first two years. The trauma and the pain was that bad. (This was not the first time he cheated and the circumstances this time were horrifically traumatizing as was the abuse I endured from counselors and others he was recruited to his point of view that he was the victim).
I called the suicide hotline so many times. By some miracle I survived. And as I started to walk out of my life burning down around me from infidelity, I vowed I would return to help others.
So that is my why. Every breath I take free of the abuse of infidelity. Every day away from the evil of lies and deceit. Every day away from the sexual,emotional and spiritual abuse that is infidelity.
The sun is shining on my face. I am on my way to the beach. I wake up every day to kind words. I go to sleep safe. I am in remission at least for today. I am alive.
I survived infidelity.
You can too.
Sending thoughts of peace, healing and joy this holiday season.
11 comments posted: Sunday, December 27th, 2020
Where I am in recovery...Anyone have cool new hobbies
So. It is about 3 years since the last Physical affair I found out about really kicked off (although there were so many massive online and irl boundary violations that who knows, right?).
I have worked really hard to find the woman I was before my abusive marriage (If you haven't read my other posts I believe infidelity/lies constitute severe physical/sexual, emotional and spirital abuse).
Anyway, I have a couple of cool new covid friendly hobbies.
I have begun fixing things like small appliances. I have had mixed success but the whole experience had been fun none the less.
I fixed a robot vac (he just needed a battery replaced properly). I named him sharky and he is vacuuming my room as we speak.
I took apart the cord on a broken pressure washer to replace the plug (gfci plug). I was not able to.fix that because the pump was also bad and it was an inexpensive pressure washer so it is heading to the recycling.
I am working on a dehumidifier today (did a diy diagnosis and ordered a small part and gonna give it a try). Next is replacing a fan on a coleman cooler.
I am also going to shoot my borrowed bow a bit more if it stops raining. I used to shoot a rrecurve but I was loaned/"given" two really really nice older compound bows that the lender adjusted so I could pull them.
And some friends dropped off a new few targets recently.
(I am not saying these hobbies are for everyone..You don't want to start repairing appliances if you don't have the skill set for it for example. But I have friends who do and they help me when needed. So I am not promoting getting in over your head just to be clear :)
Wondering what cool new hobbies everyone has picked up or picked up again?
17 comments posted: Friday, October 23rd, 2020
Update
Hello SI tribe.
I thought I would post to celebrate the fact I am still alive and infidelity free.
I lived to tell my infidelity story and am writing a new story of my life.
I worked really really hard on myself and I am healing.
I regret every minute I stayed with my cheating lying husband after I found out he "loved" some woman other than me. Every minute post me finding out he lied to me.
But you know what? I am forgiving myself for that pretty well too.
I laugh now. I have beautiful things in my life. I am enjoying learning how to better give and receive love.
I take showers most days now (unlike right after the infidelity). And I no longer give one iota about what THE EX or any of his co abusers in the "groups" he participated in on the internet or friends or family or anyone else but me thinks of me or my decision to say "no more".
I tell my story to people, and I am looking into possible opportunities to tell my story publicly because you never know... It might save the next person.
If you are reading this...you can survive infidelity too. I did.
I have a better life than I ever thought possible and my body is healing.
((Hugs)) to all on this journey.
3 comments posted: Sunday, September 13th, 2020
