I am at 4 months past DDay so still feel very new to this experience and forum and not sure how much I can actually contribute as far as answers but I can share my thoughts and where I am at.
So I am in the exact same limbo as the one you describe and it's nervewrecking and heartbreaking, he is doing all the *right* stuff but his progress is so slow (mostly in his thinking)...he still has tendencies that are selfish and forgetful even when seemingly trying his best, it will take a while for those to change and also I told him I am not going to believe anything at face value for a long time now (How many "I love you" etc did he also say to me, while seeming sincere, while cheating?).
The way I solved it (for now...) as the limbo is exhausting and I do not need that extra stress and everything, is that I have decided to go ALL in, 100% trust etc but in ME, my DECISIONS, my CHOICES (stop doubting myself, or blaming myself for trying to R, or hitting myself on the head etc).
I do not trust him 100% (or at all even!), actually anything he says could be true or not, I don't think even he knows anymore or responsibly ackowlegdes yet what is really true/false, right/ wrong (without some digging, questions etc), what he truly wants, he has created such a mess for himself, it'll take a while to even show any amount of actual progress even with every effort being put forward (and he is doing everything I ask + now more on his own as well).
So my solution = I trust myself 100% (and not him!) and going all in because it is what I decided. Whatever happens, part of it is up to him, but my choices and decisions are mine. I know he could cheat again or I could find out something more and that will be it. But I am committed to no longer ruminate constantly about how "stupid" and naive I was to miss something so huge AND choose to attempt R.
AND at the same time I am clearly and in all transparency (he knows) remaining observant, cautious, and watchful about HIM, not trusting him AT ALL (given his track record, why would I do that? It would not even serve a good purpose for him)...
I feel more at peace (relatively, as I still suffer greatly from the situation, obsessive and intrusive thoughts, pain of betrayal, anger and everything else we get "gifted" with this!) and aligned with myself, and he is more "secondary" to my own decisions and choices.
[This message edited by neverwithoutmychildren at 3:18 PM, Thursday, July 27th]