I worry that in the end, the A will just prove to be a deal breaker for me.
My reco is to stop worrying as a 1st step. Then reframe how you view what you're going through.
Maybe the A is a deal breaker; maybe it's not. You're OK either way.
This is a time to deal with the feelings that come with being betrayed, release the pain, and figure out what you want. You may feel as if it's taking forever to realize that, but 4 months is only enough time to come out of shock, and most of us don't make our best decisions when in shock. So give yourself time to reach your decision - really you're setting the stage for decades of your life right now. Doesn't it make sense to take the time you need?
If you want R under certain conditions, it WILL take time to know if R will succeed. It takes thousands of trust-building actions from the WS, over at least a few years, to R. R requires a LOT of patience. It's totally reasonable to decide you don't want to wait that long to know if R will succeed. You don't really know if R works unless you're happy until one of you dies, hopefully many decades from now.
*****
IMO, periods of great doubt about R are healthy. We can't predict the future. We can't know what our WSes are going through. It's always possible the WS will eff up again. Four months is simply too short a time to have confidence that R will work.
I believe most of us go through periods of doubt until we reach a point of no longer doubting - we know that D or R is our better choice. Many of us get there in 4 months, but not all of us - and I daresay that very few of us who succeeded in R were very confident when we were 4 months out.
IOW, as painful as life seems right now, you're probably on track for recovering from being betrayed. It's time to send yourself nurturing messages like
Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint...
Doubt is healthy...
You're on track...
Take all the time you want...
You want the best resolution, even if it's not the quickest....
[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:14 PM, Saturday, May 6th]