Here's the thing. Cheaters lie. A lot.
Have you seen the results of his std tests? The paper copy?
He knows why she reached out and told you. She didn't just suddenly decide to do that,a few months after he stopped having contact with her.
Being more engaged with you,and having sex with you is nice, but it's not the kind of work a wayward needs to do to be a safe partner.
It's interesting that he's suddenly remorseful, yet he wasn't remorseful enough to confess. He wasn't sorry when you didn't know about the affair.
I wonder if the being in separate rooms after the kids went to bed,and the bad sex,was because he was having an affair...
It's always odd that the WS is suddenly so concerned about what they feel is best for the kids,once the affair has ended and they're no longer having fun. A cheating spouse is also betraying their children. They're putting their other parent's life at risk by exposing them to deadly stds, they take time from the kids to see the AP, they're risking their children's security, family, and happiness, by having an affair. Now he cares though. Does he realize he has also betrayed the kids?
Yes, have him wrote out the timeline. You will be asking him questions for a very long time. Once the shock has worn off,as time goes by,more questions will arise. You can compare his answers to the timeline.
It would be unusual for a freshly caught WS to have told their BS the truth,at less than a month from dday. Be prepared for more.
A polygraph is always a good idea.
It's good that you are in therapy, to help deal with the trauma. HE needs IC as well, to figure out why he cheated.
You're first few sentences speak volumes. You know you just found out,and that posting in JFO is where more fresh BS who land here post, but you want to skip all of that,and start posting here instead. You also cause his affair an indiscretion.
It sounds like you want to rugsweep. And maybe you want a quick fix. Rugsweeping prevents healing,and since the wayward is still wayward, another affair is nearly inevitable. And you haven't recovered yet. You're still in shock. Reconciliation is a process that takes years. It's not linear. It's a lot of work,on both parts. But right now, he does the heavy lifting. You're job is to watch his actions,amd take care of yourself right now.
[This message edited by HellFire at 8:07 PM, Wednesday, January 11th]