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Quick update: Things seem to be going pretty well thus far. She has taken self-advocating to heart and asked to cancel plans as she was feeling she had to get stuff done and take some "me time". I think my reaction both surprised her and alleviated her misgivings. I took the opportunity to take so.e "me time" as well, something I also needed.

I told hervthatvshe cannot pour from an empty cup and I want the very best version of her. I dese4ve nothing less, just as it goes for her.

Next month it will be six months (less a week) which I tease her about, so things are moving along. We enjoy each other's company and take time for ourselves. So it seems fairly healthy, but who can see the future?

On a side note, we often see my EXWW on our outings. I've asked her about how she feels, and she says she is fine. It's been almost 6 years since I filed. We do find ourselves chuckling at just how miserable my EXWW looks though. Even after all this time, she just cannot seem to find her happy place. Oh well, that's what living in a smaller city gets you. You just seem to run into the same people...

Too bad you can't just run over some people, isn't it? LOL. I'm glad that she's able to voice her feelings and let you know what she needs. Some people haven't been able to do that without repercussions, so it may be a learning curve for her.

Has it been six months already? Time is sure flying. I'm glad you are in a good place.

Update. So, we are coming up to the 6 month mark. Haven't met her DD yet, but no hurry on that. I think the incidentvwith thectalk and then the walk has taken the relationship in a new direction. Things have been good, and she has commented on how safe and secure she feels, especially in the area of voicing her needs.

We had a good conversation and she commented that I am unlike anyone she has dated before. Her past relationships have been with controlling men, and inam definitely not controlling nor am I insecure. I firmly believe that the greatest power a man has is to remove himself from a toxic situation. No huffing or puffing, jystcwalk away with dignity, so why would I need to control another person? When we had the talk, I just thanked her for her honesty and wished her the best. Yes, I was disappointed, but no one was ever begged or cajoled into falling in love.

So, we have both commented on how much we enjoy this relationship and the direction it's headed. And that's enough for now. Although she has made some comments using the future tense, I am in no hurry. Slow is smooth...smooth is easy.

On another note, my younger daughter has opted to live with me full time. She will have to payca little rent as she is working full as a cook, but it is pennies. It helps with a bit of the groceries and teaches her not to freeload. She's a peppery one, so it will be interesting.

Recently, my EXWW made some bullshit comment on how she shouldn't need to gelp the kids because she did not go after me for child support. She conveniently forgot that the judge took child support off the table as our incomes were almost identical. I guess it's import for her to always be the victim. The reality is that her bad decisions are biting her on the financial ass and she can't pay her bills. It's funny how cheaters are often poor at managing other aspects of their lives.

Anyway,I'm making duck tonight, so I need to prep. Peace out.

Sounds like things are going smoothly for you. I'm glad DD has decided to live with you and I hope that things go well. Peppery can be fun, but can also be exasperating. Good luck with the duck!

Hope you enjoy the duck!

Positive new beginning stories are always nice to read!

Glad things are going well for you and moving in a positive direction!

Anyway,I'm making duck tonight, so I need to prep. Peace out.

Hope things are going well for you!

BTW: How did the duck come out?

I have been meaning to post an update, but part of me doesn't want to jinx anything.

We are coming up to the 7 month mark, and things are going well. Of the two of us, I am the most cautious, but given my history, that's to be expected. We spend every second weekend together and see each other a couple of times a week as well. This is mostly due to her parenting schedule, but I value the time apart as well as the time together.

I haven't met her daughter yet, but no rush on that. I think she is holding off due to navigating things with her Ex. He has expressed that he would like to meet me before I meet their daughter. I respect that, and if the roles were reversed, I would ask the same.

As for our relationship, we are getting comfortable together. She has become a little more adept at advocating for herself and her needs, but it may take some time for her to be comfortable in this area. I guess she has been with needy or clingy partners in the past. Part of this may have to do with me being older and having a more mature view of what a relationship ought to give me or us.

So that's about it. We seem to be in a good place and chugging along at a decent pace. I like both the direction and the speed at which the relationship is going, so that's a definite plus. The flip side is if things don't work out, I will mourn the end of the relationship, but be fine as I am fully complete alone. I'm not saying I want to be alone, as I findvthat having a special person in my life adds to it in a significant way. I'm just saying that she isn't a critical part of me. Maybe that's what healed looks like...

Hope I didn't jinx it.

All of this sounds splendid to me, JSG. It seems you have a very healthy attachment style. That is rare. Those of us who choose to heal the right way, well, we end up liking our own company. Your girlfriend does not complement your life, she’s supplements it. You know you are a whole person and you will be OK with or without her. I can’t think of a better place to be, mentally. You can fully enjoy your life without the anxiety of worrying about your relationship.
People who jump into relationships too soon do not have that inner peace. They don’t really know who they are without a partner. It’s probably a scary place to be.

Well done, JSG. I really enjoy reading your updates and seeing how far you’ve come.

Nice update, JSG. I'm glad things are going at the pace you're comfortable with. I'm glad life is going so well for you and you're feeling stable.

Happy for you

Well, I guess I should update since I have some unexpected free time. I just hurt myself and am laid up in bed for a few days. Getting sick or injured has always been an issue for me as my EXWW never cared for me. In fact, she would get angry and treat me with contempt every time I got sick, so I learned to push through or self care.

So anyway, I've been in considerable pain these past few days. My kids have helped, or should I say older DD, but my younger one has proven to be a liability in times of need. I guess she takes after her mother. Even her sister is at her wit's end, lamenting that she feels like a parent to her.

Anyway, I haven't been able to make it down the stairs to see the state of the main floor, so I was hoping that my kids would take pity on my situation and keep it clean. My older daughter tried, but my younger one left shit everywhere as usual.

Well, around lunch yesterday, I heard shuffling downstairs. Since I knew both girls were out, one in college and the other at work, I knew it wasn't them. Plus, if my younger voluntarily cleaned up the kitchen, I'd need to check to see if the four horsemen of the apocalypse were riding down the street. Turns out it was my GF. She had popped by during her lunch to check on me, saw the mess, and cleaned it up. Prior to that, on her previous lunch, she ran out and bought me meds and a hotpack.

I can literally count on one hand the number of times I had been taken care of, and still have fingers left, so this is really new for me. I mean, I would have done the same thing for her, but never expected treatment like this for myself. She seems to be a quality human being, and I hope that nothing amiss pops up. Maybe that's the trauma brain in me, thinking, naw... nobody is that good. Here's hoping no shoes drop.

Glad you are getting the care you deserve.
Of course most of us would do what she did. But most of our EX Wayward spouses were pretty low on empathy.

Sorry that you hurt yourself, but I'm glad that your GF is there to support you and do a little clean up.