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Newest Member: Feelingvunerable

Divorce/Separation :
XH moving 9 hours away

Topic is Sleeping.
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 leafields (original poster guide #63517) posted at 2:52 AM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

Well, it's been an interesting weekend for my adult kids.

XH is moving to another state and will be 9 hours away. He's leaving on Monday. Last weekend, XH didn't give boys much notice and expected them to come help him pack. They were pissed.

SIL had Father's Day bbq on Saturday. He brought his new GF that he's moving in with, even though SIL and my boys said no, it's too soon. XH brought her anyway. Underscored how selfish he really is.

He's leaving in the morning, and I'm glad. I am sad because my oldest said that when XH is in an accident or is really ill, he'll have to go 9 hours to help out. That piece of it makes me sad.

I'm glad because now I won't be anxious about running into him in town. I already knew he would leave me to tell everybody about the divorce anyway.

How did I find out he was moving? Epic, really. I went to the coffee shop we've gone to for years. XH goes every day, so and I go 1-2 times per month. The barista says, "Hey! I hear you're moving soon." I said that I wasn't and gave her the real story.

Yes, XH is a covert narc & this is typical. Let people assume things by not telling the entire truth.

The important things are the kids see I'm working on healing and tying to move forward in a healthy way, and I'm not going to abandon them. As I saw mentioned on another thread, the size of his world is the circumference of his penis.

So glad to be out of infidelity.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8668610
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 9:06 AM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

Good luck, Lea!
You got yourself a fresh start, away from all the drama, away from all the lies and away from pain. Hopefully you'll find yourself a partner who really cares.
All the best!

posts: 404   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8668636
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:01 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

He has shown his kids exactly who he is. Yet again.

He doesn’t get it and never will.

He told the barista before telling his own kids???? What a jerk!

[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:02 AM, June 21st (Monday)]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14287   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8668665
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 leafields (original poster guide #63517) posted at 2:14 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

Yes, and he didn't tell the barista that we were divorced and he was moving in with the newbie. Let her assume WE were moving.

But, yeah.... He told the barista before he told the kids.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8668676
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:29 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

What a maroon. Good riddance. Glad you get the coffee shop back full time :-)

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6241   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8668730
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 7:39 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

Xhole moved over 4,000 miles away when we were separated. Took his last twatwaffle OW and their spawn with him. Never told our kids, but when I told them they were actually relieved. As was I. Thankful I didn't have to run into him anywhere (small town) or think about him driving by my house in the middle of the night (he slipped once and admitted doing that when he couldn't sleep). It was wonderful, while it lasted.

Not a full year later and twatwaffle up and left him in the middle of the day while he was at work. Took their spawn and a lot of their material items with her, moved to another state (where her parents live) and proceeded to file a paternity suit against him. I laughed my ass off when I found out, but alas, he turned around and moved back to my area five minutes from my house. I do run into him once in a while, but he remarried (never told our kids) so I am now off his attention radar. Whew! I keep hoping he will move away again though.

Enjoy his absence!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8668751
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 7:39 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

Hopefully your life will be so much more peaceful with him far away. My xh moved 1.5 miles from me-right across a field of cows from me. 😡 I would love to see him move 9 hrs away. It is sad for your adult kids, but they might feel a burst of relief once he’s gone.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 9:08 PM, June 21st (Monday)]

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5508   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8668752
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 8:55 PM on Monday, June 21st, 2021

He's leaving in the morning, and I'm glad. I am sad because my oldest said that when XH is in an accident or is really ill, he'll have to go 9 hours to help out. That piece of it makes me sad.

Not necessarily and make sure your son knows this. If your ex moves somewhere prohibitively far away, then your ex is responsible for thinking in advance and making arrangements for his own care. Maybe your son will get lucky and this unfortunate GF will be on the hook for changing the old man's diapers.

My step-grandfather moved across the country with wife-stress after he retired. Now he has metastatic cancer. My stepfather (the oldest of 3) does what he can remotely to talk to doctors, make appointments with specialists, and help his father navigate the Byzantine complexities of Medicare, but he doesn't have the flexibility to drop everything and fly out routinely, especially with all COVID-mandated travel restrictions. My stepdad's siblings all have underage children, so they can't just leave their families for extended periods of time, either.

It sucks for step-grandfather and wife-stress, but they're living (and dying) with the consequences of their own choices.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 2:59 PM, June 21st (Monday)]

BW, 40s

Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 2125   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8668764
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nothisfriend ( member #53171) posted at 2:19 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

I sure wish mine would move out of town! For years he pissed and moaned about what a horrible place it is and now he and OW have a business here. At least I don't see them in the grocery store anymore.

(Hope I didn't just jinx myself )

Me: BS 50 (at the time) Him: WH 53 (at the time) D-Day: 10/25/15 Married: 28 years. One son, age 18 (at the time)
D final 2016 REMARRIED to a marvelous guy on 4/22/23

posts: 1299   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2016   ·   location: Illinois
id 8668857
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 3:22 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

I'm sorry that he is being such a bad father to your kids.

The good news for you, though, is that he is no longer your problem.

And sorry for the thread jack, but this made my day:

What a maroon.

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5419   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8668870
Topic is Sleeping.
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