SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello all, I'm curious to hear your thoughts. I recently met a man online, and we started texting. Lots of positives. We met for a walk recently (6 feet apart) and had a good conversation. Here's the issue. On his profile he claimed to be 54 years old and 5'10". When we met in person, he made a joke about being in his late 50s. I asked him to clarify, and he said he's really 57. Also, there's no way he's 5'10". I'd guess 5'7" or 5'8" maybe. I'm 52 and 5'5" and his age/height are not issues for me. But why lie?

I asked him and he said some story about putting age 54 on his profile because he puts his parameters in 5 year increments, and thought women might do the same (which makes no sense). He also said there was no cheating in his marriage, they just grew apart.

I told him that lying about something as simple as his age and height (he still insists he's 5'10"!) makes me wonder what else might not be true. He said everyone lies a little on their profile and it's not a big deal. (Reminds me of when my ex told me every guy cheats and it's not a big deal..)

Am I overthinking this? Is it true that everyone lies on their profiles? (I don't) Would this be a deal breaker for you?

I think his attitude toward it (It's no big deal, ergo you shouldn't be bothered by it) would bother me more than anything. Personally, I'd give this guy a pass.

Yes, that would be a dealbreaker for me.

I’ve had that happen also. I thought the guy was my age and he was actually 15 years older. We were only out for about 10 minutes and I just left. I told him I had spent 20 years being lied to and I wasn’t about to go through it again. The end.

Big dealbreaker!

I've had similar experiences of going on a first date only to find that someone had been dishonest in their profile. It is very disheartening and a waste of everyone's time.

This is a little bit weirder because you otherwise wouldn't really care about the things he lied about. But everything you're outlining here is just a series of huge red flags. Many other fish in the sea.

Yeah, NEXT!!!!!

No

I’ve seen this soooo many times. Some will bury their actual age way down in their profile, assuming no one reads a profile. Then justify it because of their “active” lifestyle and they prefer a younger partner to keep up with them. FTG

Very out dated pictures, one age on one site and another stated on another site, etc.

I clearly date my age and pictures. I’m active and fit. And do not do liars. Hard NEXT on this type of stuff!!!

My WH is 5'6 in shoes on a good day. He has 5'8 on his drivers license. Age wise helooks older and when he was younger would say things that lead you to believe he was older. Now that he is older he never gives an age but will say the decade.

If it is close then no biggie. If they put a pic of Arnold on their profile and look like Donald Duck there is a problem. If they claim they don't use tobacco but do then that is a problem. If I can't fact check at least some of what they claim then I'd have an issue but then again my WH is an expert at providing that one grain of truth on which to build his stories.

Deal-breaker for me. I was actually going to start a thread on this exact topic this past week. I actually had it stated on my profile that if you lie about your age or height, do not contact me. I thought it was a bit harsh and eventually removed it. But it didn't stop numerous men from contacting me who were liars. In each case I was able to confirm before I met them in person. Three were truthful about their ages, but I found out their photos were 10 years old. Once you have their phone number, you can find their social media and confirm the date of their pictures. I very briefly stated that lies of any kind are a deal-breaker for me and wished them luck on their searches. Then I blocked them. Another one had outdated photos and stated he was 10 years younger than he was. I cut him off and blocked him as well. I've heard people say everyone lies on their dating profiles, and I know that many do, including women. But I do not. My age is accurate and my photos are all recent and dated. Can you imagine allowing a man to cross your boundaries before you even met? What do you think is going to happen once you are comfortable with each other?

No no no. No lies at all.

Absolute hard deal-breaker for me.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 11:41 AM, May 1st (Friday)]

Nope. I have no personal experience but my best friend did. It goes to character. The guys that lied on their profiles were not trustworthy. Manipulative at the worst and insecure at the best. Lying about age is one thing, but height too? On paper, it looks like he has too many issues already.

He'd have to be amazing in every other way to compensate for the honesty impairment, and that would likely not be enough for me. Good luck finding the right one.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. Sometimes I wonder if infidelity has made me too quick to push people away. But your answers are confirming my gut feeling not to trust this guy. I’ve dealt with enough lies with my ex WH, and not going down that road again. I appreciate your insights.

No, I do not date liars. I take it a step further. I don't have friends in my circle if I find out they are liars.

This is my philosophy, take it for what it's worth. If you cannot be truthful with the easy shit, what's to stop you from lying when it's harder...i.e. there will actually be consequences?

I’ve dealt with enough lies with my ex WH, and not going down that road again.

I'm glad you are not going down that road again. NEXT! BYE Felicia!

I told him that lying about something as simple as his age and height (he still insists he's 5'10"!) makes me wonder what else might not be true. He said everyone lies a little on their profile and it's not a big deal.

Not saying it's okay, but I don't think I've ever met a man that has readily admitted to being less than 5'10" tall, even if they very obviously were. I'm 5'7" and have actually had men argue with me before that I must be close to 6' tall, because they were 5'10" so clearly I could not be 5'7".

Ibonnie, I have noticed an unusual number of men on dating sites are 5'10". Like 70%. I have often suspected that most of them are shorter.

The following is word for word what I sent the last man who lied. He had a photo in his profile dated late 2019. I found his Facebook and discovered it was early 2014. What made it worse was I let him know one of the reasons I contacted him was because he dated his photos and that shows honesty. (this would have been his opportunity to clarify and be truthful, but he did not). Sooo....

"Hi [lying OLD guy], it's been my experience that when people lie about the little things (like dates on photos), they also lie about the big things. It's a character flaw, and I can't have that in my life. (Tip: Be honest. Be yourself. Life really is so much more fulfilling that way.) 😊 I wish you the best."

I'm with StillLivin. Won't date liars or have them as friends in my inner circle. Firm boundary. Zero tolerance.

Good for you WTB, that was the right response for shorty!

Oh, he wasn't a height liar-- his main photo was dated almost 6 years off.

I actually would never call a guy out on his height (unless it was like 6" off, haha) If he lied about it by a couple of inches, and it was an issue for me, I would just vaguely say things weren't working for me and wish him luck. I'm talking to a man now who claims he is 5' 9". (I am 5'7", so I'll know as soon as we meet). I already feel like in my head he's probably 5'7". Because if he was actually 5' 9", he would probably claim to be 5'11" . I think the height lie is more common, and it's more of an insecurity issue. I would not want to crush a guy over that. Just politely wish him luck.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:44 PM, May 1st (Friday)]

The really funny ones are weight differences.

I worked with a girl who was 200+ lbs (she’s not tall either) but her photo she’s a slim hottie. Probably 5-8 years earlier.

I think it’s hilarious. Like no one notices that?

Marz, definitely. I have a single male friend who is much older than me. We trade dating war stories. Nearly every single woman he has met for a first date was at least 30 pounds off of her photos. Why....

And don't even get me started on the photo filters. I don't use them. I feel like most women do. And about 30% of the men I see are using them now, too... If your face looks like silly putty in your photo, I skip you immediately.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:27 PM, May 1st (Friday)]