SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for this interesting thread!

What if they use their middle name in the profile? Then later tell you their real name? Is this a lie? Or as he said, being cautious?

I'm just not sure how to look at it. I know I am jaded lol.

No. If he's lying at this point, he will really tell some big whoppers in the future!

What if they use their middle name in the profile? Then later tell you their real name?

I don't consider this a lie. Lots of men and women use different OLD names. I use my dog's name!! I saw a black man who used "talldarkncute" (loved that!!). Another one called himself "MotleyJew.". That was my all-time favorite 😂

If they don't tell you their real name once you start messaging with them, hard pass.

Agreed. Name is a privacy issue, even into the first date. I personally never use my name until I have communicated enough to get a feel that they aren't psycho and I never give my last name until after meeting a few times.

What you described would not be tolerable AT ALL to me. I don’t lie on my profile, what’s the point? If they don’t like me as I am, move on!

I’ve had many female friends lie about their age online I won’t. But I do understand the “I’m not searchable” factor. So I do make one exception to the lie. If a guy has his orofike set to an age that I find him, but then it the text provided his real age, or if he admits it on first contact. “So glad you liked my profile, I do want to be straightforward and let you know...”

Anything else is not acceptable.

one exception to the lie. If a guy has his orofike set to an age that I find him, but then it the text provided his real age, or if he admits it on first contact. “So glad you liked my profile, I do want to be straightforward and let you know...”

I've seen this many times. I immediately skip these as well. Makes me think he's a creeper who only wants to date women much younger than him, and that even if I get involved with him, he will consider me to have an expiration date and will move on once I reach his opinion of an undesirable age. Like dude, what is wrong with women your own age? It's okay for them to date a man (you) much older, but you won't even date a woman who is your age or a couple of years younger? What makes you so special and desirable, buddy?

Haha, yeah, like I said. Instant turn off for me. Don't pretend to be something you aren't. Even for a second.

Yes me too! Match until recently also had the ages the man was looking for. If they included women any younger than 10 years than them, I skipped them, even if they included my age, and they were my age or a couple of years older. There were some who I would have considered if I hadn't known they would be interested in much younger women. WTF? It shows immaturity at the very least and as one guy I dated said, "guys my age that date women my daughters age are creepy". (But then I figured he may have been BS'ing thinking that's what I would want to hear--- Got some work to do on that trusting thing :-)

I divorced Xhole in part due to decades of lies made with intent to maliciously deceive me. That has created an unwavering boundary for me. I don't maliciously lie, and I won't date a liar. Period. If they lie about something as ridiculous as their age, what other lies are they "okay" about? It will be pretty obvious if they say they are my age, weight proportionate, and use pics from ten years ago online only to meet and see the obvious that they are ten years older than they said and 100 lbs heavier. I see that as false advertising, which is illegal if a business does it, and I wouldn't engage with that business either. Why start off a potential relationship with a lie? I just don't understand it.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:48 PM, May 16th (Saturday)]

I skip on them if they admit in their profile as well. Especially love the ones that state due to their active lifestyle they prefer to date 10-15 years younger so their partner can keep up physically.

I see men stating that age/pics should be accurate....I politely do as well now.

And I also ask fairly early in the message exchange. I sincerely doubted a guy and got push back just yesterday. Tried to gaslight me about bringing negative energy, liars will lie, trust my instincts as a woman. I responded politely. He deflected again.

Crickets from me....I am trusting my instincts (and my eyes) you asshat!!

[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 5:55 PM, May 16th (Saturday)]

prefer to date 10-15 years younger so their partner can keep up physically.

My good friend can run a 10k in 44. - she is 47.

Anyway, If everything else is good, I would. Some people will embellished with filters, older slimmer pictures, status, height. They just want a chance. It hasn’t happened to me yet, but I had FaceTime dates prior to meeting.

It’s funny because my ex had no problem finding a partner and she knew he cheated and that is the cause of the divorce. That would be a hard no for me.

[This message edited by CaliforniaNative at 6:57 PM, May 16th (Saturday)]

I have not and at this moment have no intentions of using online dating, but agree lies in the profile or in person would be a major issue.

Even though I can likely out do most men who are 10 or even 20 years younger than I am from an activity standpoint I still cannot imaging dating someone more than 10 year younger than I am and even that may be a stretch. My previous GF was two years older. Yes, I want someone who enjoys some of the same activities, but as long as there is room for me to push myself on my own sometimes I'm okay holding back so I can spend time with the woman I am in a relationship with.

I consider weight and maybe more specifically weight to height part of my criteria and if there is too much stretching on that I would consider that a problem.

I completely get a pushup bra and control top panties to put things closer to where you want them, but there are limits (e.g. a girdle to turn an outie waist into an innie is probably pushing it). If you're actually interested in a relationship the last thing you want someone to be thinking is WTF the first time you don't have your control on.

Also, while I appreciate a woman who knows how to use makeup well at some point early on I would really appreciate a natural experience. Based on some of the commercials you see on TV I don't want another WTF moment.

Though probably most important is being true about who you are. I get people likely say things they would like to do because it makes them more interesting, but you had better be ready to actually do the things you say you're interested in. For example, I met my exGF at various live music events over a few months, but once we started dating she was very resistant to us going out. Add in some unresolved issues and things did not work out. She was looking for someone to fill a hole in her life and I've been down that path before. Once was enough!

I think pushing too far on any of these could be considered a lie and would certainly be a turnoff for me.

The only legitimate excuse I have gotten was a woman that said that if she put her true age, all she got were men over 70 to respond, that guys her own general age would not. She was attractive even though she was a little thick, so I understood her point. And she was straight about it at first meeting so I shrugged it off. She ended it later for unrelated reasons.

My complaint is not their fudging some profile items, it’s not reading or ignoring my profile. I meant what I said - If you have mental Or emotional health issues please do not contact me. More than a few waited several dates to tell me they were on SSRI’s or had some issue. I lived with that for 26 years, I am not doing that again. I am happy you are getting treatment and it’s under control, but I told you in the profile I am not doing that. Just like the dozens of women who said “if you are not six feet tall don’t even bother.” It stings a little but I figure if height is that important we likely are not compatible anyway. At least she told me.

Sorry that turned into a rant. OLD sucks but it’s efficient.

[This message edited by takethelongview at 11:06 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]

I'm 5'6.5", I round up to 5'7". I went on dates with 2 different guys who said they were 5'9" and I was taller in flats. Why lie???? I don't get it.

I am recently divorced and new to online dating... but this thread has terrified me! I’m a female and 6’0” tall. I don’t mind dating a guy a few inches shorter... but I really don’t want to meet up with a guy who claims to be 5’10” and is really 5’7”!! Awkward!

Not so much WHAT he lied about but HOW he's shrugging it off as no big deal is what would bother me the most.

This thread has been good for me. Although I have never tried OLD and am officially on a relational hiatus, I might try it one day. Sadly, I am not model material and my only strategy is to hopefully age at a rate slower than those next to me. You know, trying to be that last edible grape in the fruit bowl. I was going to include "funny" in my OLD profile. After this, I'll need to scratch that out...

But all kidding aside. Posting information about yourself is terrifying for me. I already feel pretty shitty about myself, putting it down on paper for all to see might be too much to bare.

Not no, but hell no. I've been lied to for 20+ years and it still continues to this very morning and we are divorced now. I don't get it.

I haven't tried a profile yet but I have a picture ready, just in case. Of course, it's my face and not the rest of my middle-aged mom body but it's not photoshopped, it's just me. Of course, I had good hair and make-up that particular day ;-)

Why can't people just be real? Mean what you say and say what you mean.

My two cents...

((hugs))

SP

So, I know this was posted along time ago. But I have to add my thoughts.

First of all, I am that "active, youthful person." Which means I don't want to be with some old man who only dates me because it makes him "feel young" without validating any of my own wants or desires. I make you feel young, yet you don't actually live a fun, youthful lifestyle, you just go to the gym then go home to binge on Netflicks. I'm 37 but I want more kids, I want to spend my summers at music festivals, camping, hiking, traveling and staying in hostels. Many of these men who want younger girls end up controlling them in the long run because they use their age to their advantage. If a women questions them, they play the "I'm older and wiser" card very quickly.

I did meet my boyfriend online. I said I wouldn't date anyone who was more then 10 years older then me. He was 9 years older. If we went out and I found out he had lied, I would be pissed. Thats not fair to me. You just wasted my time.

Even though many do lie on their profiles, I don't. I assume others don't. If you feel that the only way you can get a date is by lying, why should I lower what I want because of your own issues?

I consistently pick Jan 1, 19XX when asked for a birthdate on a site that I think could potentially be easily hacked. Maybe it would make no difference, I don't know. So my age is often off by a year.

I agree with HalfTime2017. It's not like I'm not going to figure out your picture wasn't accurate when we meet. I like the exit line, "I've spent too many years being lied to already..."

BobPar: You can pick the month before or after your birthday leaving only a couple of weeks where you are younger or older. You could mess up an otherwise good Match the way it is if you are seeking an honest person where that could be a deal breaker.

[This message edited by Anna123 at 9:07 AM, July 4th (Saturday)]