SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

How to forget about the cheating gf totally? I just thought today she never loved me at all, as all the happy memories I could think of us, she did with her cheating partner too (I have proof, anything from dinner, outing, hiking, she did all those with that guy too). If no memory is sacred means she never respected me. So why should I remember her at all. I need to forget her completely asap. My studies and work are getting impacted, I can't sleep at all at night, having insane mood swings and am lonely and having thought about her being happy when I'm miserable.

Sleep was difficult for me when dealing with infidelity and has been more recently due to the deaths of my parents 13 months apart.

Take a look at one of tush nurses posts today. She specifically talks about sleep.

For me, I found that moving from my bed to the couch or spare room helped. I sleep in a relatively cool temperature if that is possible where u live. But the white noise of a fan can quiet the thoughts as well as cool you down.

Can you listen to soothing podcasts (I can’t) or sleep music (432mh, I can).

EMDR may help. Many have good results w it when trying to heal trauma, which is what you have experienced.

It takes about 2-5 years, if not more, to heal from infidelity. It takes time and healing, and doesn't happen overnight.

Be kind to yourself and practice self-care. Maybe inform your supervisor and instructors about your problems and ask for help.

It's so rough at first. I was a mess for the first 6-9 months and had strangers asking me if I was ok. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

You have to find what works for you. I found a guided sleep meditation that helped me fall asleep, but didn't keep me asleep. I ended up getting meds from my doctor and was on them for about a year.

It's not healthy to forget. Being betrayed is part of your life. Right now it's recent, so it's a very big thing. As time goes on, if you acknowledge and resolve the feelings that come with being betrayed, it will become a smaller and smaller part of your life. But it will always be part of your life.

Look, your Xgf's actions say nothing about you except that she thinks she prefers someone else. But you, too, have preferences in who you like, want to spend time with, want to get into bed with. Often our evaluations are mutual - 2 people want to hold the other in the friend zone, 2 people don't want to see each other ever again, 2 people want to be lovers. But sometimes attraction is unrequited. I doubt that Sophia Loren would have picked me way back when, no matter how easily she mesmerized me. You know these things, right?

NC - No Contact - should help you let go of the betrayer, but it takes time. I suggest getting a copy of Dorothy Tannov's Love and Limerence. That may provide some guidance.

I'm sorry you've been dumped. I know it can be agonizing - but that's temporary. With a little luck, in 5 years, you'll remember this time as a blip. I know that seems like a long time, and it is at your age. But you can heal.

Personally, my way would be to feel the pain. I spend some time by myself crying, raging (hitting a punching bag, for example), feeling sorry for myself, feeling the fear of being alone, feeling the shame of not being preferred, etc., etc., etc. But when I was in school, I didn't know that would work.

IMO, a good IC can help you surface your feelings and process them out of your body. IMO, that's the quickest way to heal. But there's no way through this that happens fast. It always takes longer to heal than anyone wants it to take.

It’s hard to think logically when emotions are involved.

It’s also hard to understand and realize that the cheating had NOTHING to do with you but EVERYTHING to do with the cheater.

The cheater is a broken, corrupt, unethical person that you love(d). It’s not that they didn’t move you or appreciate you, it’s that they don’t have the same values or moral code.

I dated a serial cheater in my younger years. It was a six month relationship but I was crazy about this guy (and didn’t know he was a serial cheater). However when I was told by someone else who saw what was going on - I was blindsided. How could he do this?

I realized that there are nasty evil people in this world. And selfish to boot. They pretend to care and love you but they are just using you. For their own selfish needs.

I’d just like to say that the former GF is most likely cheating on the new guy she is with. As the saying goes a leopard doesn’t change their spots. And I doubt she’s happy - she’s living a lie and just know, appearances aren’t everything.

I hope this helps you.

How do you move on?

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Each step will get a little easier. Really concentrate on your studies, on your future.

How do you forget?

You can’t, and you won’t.

But you’ve learned an important lesson, the hardest way. Be more careful in the future. Don’t just look at tits and ass; look at character.

How does she treat others? Is she selfish; self-centered? Is she honest, about little things and big? What is her history, to the extent you can learn it? Don’t expect her to change. Does she respect others? Is there more in her life than herself? How does she respond to difficulties, adversity? Etc.

And, while you’re at it, ask the same questions about yourself.

The sleep is hard. I still struggle. I've been utilizing some meditation and bilateral music on youtube to help. I also am starting EMDR therapy next week. It worked well when I did it in the past, hoping it will help with the betrayal trauma.

How do you forget - you don't. The more time passes and the more healed you become, the less it is in the forefront of your mind. That also means you have to do a lot of work on yourself. An IC that specializes in trauma can be a great help.

How do you move on - Keep fucking going. One day at a time. If that is too overwhelming, break it down. One hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time.