I think the way one feels about R is directly related to what one has done to heal, so where are you in healing?
This is your 2nd post on SI. What have you been doing to heal between posts?
You say d-day ('official) was in '21, but you registered in 2017. WHat has been happening to you all these years?
Are you comfortable that you know enough about the A?
How well do your feelings flow - are you sometimes sad, angry, cared, ashamed? Does one feeling predominate?
Does your WS answer questions?
Does she take responsibility for her actions?
Is/was your WS in IC? What changes did she make as a result of her IC?
What does she do that you wish she didn't?
What does she not do that you wish she did?
I'm sorry you're in pain. I suspect you can get help from some SIers, but I think we need to know more.
Personally, I question almost everything as a matter of course. I did a lot of questioning about my choices WRT my W after d-day, but I was mainly concerned with things like : did I still want R; did my W still want R; were we doing the right things; what did I want, and what was I willing to do to get what I wanted, etc., etc., etc.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:38 PM, Tuesday, December 5th]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.