SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Y'all have listened patiently to me complain about my job for a long time. In 2017 things got so bad I started job seeking and couldn't find anything that I could physically do that also came close to the pay/benefits at my current job. So I stayed put, but all of the suckiest parts improved. I have loved my job more often than not. I have 18 years there total,12 years on my current hitch.

The past 2+ years have been really bad. First, our DON (Director of Nursing,and my direct supervisor) left and her replacement was the first "outside" candidate to have been hired as DON since I started in 2005. All of the others have been promoted from ADON so we had established relationships, respect and boundaries. I got off to a bad start as my chronic back issue flared up and I was out for about 6 weeks. At the first nurse management meeting she started out with, "I've been looking through things and the first problem I'm gonna address is this: I count 9 managers around this table but only 6 on this call schedule. That's fixing to change right now." I raised my hand and said, "Well,there are three of us with medical limitations which have been accommodated because we aren't able to work on the floor." She rolled her eyes, and since that day she has done everything in her power to roll over me and the other 2 nurses,to either force us to work on the floor or punish us because "It's not fair to the other nurse managers."

I'm almost 58, the other 2 are 62 and 68. We've put in our time doing the hard stuff. I've been a nurse for 36 years. My accommodations were accepted by the company after my back surgery in 2015. The other 2 "oldies" have violated their own restrictions but I refuse. Lifting, bending, standing, and/or walking could paralyze me. I'm not risking that for anyone.

So more and more new duties have been dumped on me. Its become very clear that she is not qualified for the job. I quit going to her with any issues because her response was, "I'm going to let you head that up." I had 3 major programs added to me, while also still needing to get my actual work done within CMS required timelines. Whenever a new person started in our region, they were sent to train with me. So back in January our administrator decided to reopen our main dining room on weekends, after it being closed throughout COVID. During the week the MDR is staffed by 3 department heads, 2 dietary aides and they have help transporting patients to and from.on weekends, there are 2 managers and 2 CNAs or other personnel. Its 1.5 to 2 hours of standing, walking, bending... All the stuff I'm not supposed to do. I agreed to try and it was HORRIBLE. I could hardly bear weight on my foot when I left. Then we were required to take the staffing phone for the weekend that we were working. But with no compensation. I went to the administrator about that and said I wasn't going to work without being paid, especially since another one of the DON's edicts was that I was no longer allowed to work from home.

In April, one of my subordinates left. Since then, it's been me and L (the 62 year old) managing work that should have 4 people to be adequately staffed. I have averaged 48-50 hours per week since April. I waited since February for a foot surgery that my surgeon strongly recommended. When I finally scheduled it, we discovered my 2nd metatarsal had been broken for an unknown period. So I'd been walking around on a broken foot,working ten hour days, worrying about JM, worrying about our son who has epilepsy. Oh, and my part time job too. So you can imagine my mental health has also taken a hit. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist, a counselor, and a trauma specialist.

Which brings us up to the week before my surgery. I found out I'd not only been passed over AGAIN for a promotion for which I am extremely well qualified, but I had literally drawn up a proposal for this position and submitted it to regional staff 3 years ago. So I expressed to DON that I was stung by that decision. She LAUGHED IN MY FACE. Said that with my physical limitations, family drama and mental issues I would never be considered for a regional job. Then I found out she had finally hired 2 people for my department without even introducing us. And planned their start dates to coincide with my time off. As neither of them have any experience, it didn't make sense to me. I asked my DON if she could explain the decision making there. She said, "You want the brutal truth? Because you are toxic and that office is toxic. I don't want you anywhere near these new hires." Apparently her plan is to have our offices spaced all over the building with no direct contact.

So... I started fooling around on Indeed and Glassdoor. And now I have a job offer that is 10 miles closer to home and $1.25 an hour more than my current pay. I have worked with this DON before and she is competent and professional.

I can't give notice while I am on FMLA. And we are going through a huge Medicare audit at my current job and nobody else knows how to compile and summarize the records to justify the amount billed. (Not for lack of my trying to teach others).

I'd be a idiot to turn down the new opportunity wouldn't I?

Oh Hell Yes, Go for it! Lack of consideration on their part does not equal more obligation on your part.

It shows me how consciencious you are that you even worry about finishing up. I mean, with a supervisor like that, would she give you a decent reference, even if you stayed? Don't count on being able to swing her attitude. You have been getting the message for some time, it seems, to move on. I am sure it will be a better outcome if you take a new job than if you hang on and pass up a closer opportunity for increased pay! Know when it's time.

Just double check the new place out, so you don't jump from the frying pan into a fire. Can't wait to see what Tush has to say!!

I hope all at home is good for the holidays.

I say go for it HFS! It sounds like a shorter commute for slightly more money would be attractive, but even without that to be in an environment that you feel more comfortable with would be better for your quality of life. That matters. You've been through enough in your life that if you can find some relief from a job change I would say go for it. Best of luck to you and JM.

DO NOT WORRY about the current job’s audit issues. That is the DON’s problem. NOT YOURS. You have gone above and beyond, to your own mental and physical detriment.

You know how we tell BS to put their own oxygen mask on first? Yeah, that’s you today. Also DOCUMENT the heck out of all the injustices, poor judgements, and downright discrimination that has happened at your current place/. It may come in handy. Honestly I think you have a lawsuit against them, but I know that you don’t have the bandwidth to take that on.

How can you leave an employer who has been so loyal to you ... oh, wait ... it's more like they've betrayed you....

The Medicare audit is their problem.

I see 3 good reasons for turning the job down:

1) you're a candidate for a better job;
2) your gut is telling you something is fishy about the job offer or the job;
3) hesitating to accept will elicit a bigger raise.

What's holding you back? Looks a lot like co-d to me. Just sayin'.... (I could be wrong of course.)

Shorter commute, known quantity and better boss, higher pay ... sounds like a positive trifecta to me.

Celebrate!

10000%
Please please please also look into possible case manager roles. Any insurance companies and medical centers have teams of CMs that work from home. The physical concerns are automatically received and having been in your current role for long it would be a quick and easy transition.
Additionally these roles are salaried and you are respected and appreciated by the patients.

There are so many possibilities open to nurses. There's patient navigation, on-call nurses (but you schedule your hours), authorizations. Medicare RACS could probably use you on the other side to find improper billing. Document improvement specialist, quality improvement specialist. So many of these are WFH. Think outside of what you know because what you know is so important.

OK ... lots of opportunities for nurses, but if you hate your current job, why not switch now? After that, think about your ideal job, if the new one isn't 'the one for now'.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:15 PM, Tuesday, December 17th]

Thank you all.

The thing is, I love my job. I am really, really good at it. I just hate what my facility has become due to my direct supervisor. I also received a pay bump this pay period due to my annual performance review so I’m now making the same.

I am meeting with the administrator and assistant administrator on Thursday to establish my assertion of a hostile work environment based on my supervisor’s repeated comments about my "mental issues" and physical disabilities. I’m also going to ask my ortho (who I am seeing on Thursday before this meeting) his opinion whether being forced to violate my previously accepted restrictions/accommodations might have been the cause for the fracture in my foot. Because I might file a worker’s comp claim depending on how pissy they wanna be.

Since this post, I have gotten some disturbing info about the new job which is definitely giving me red flags, such as a lack of integrity in the administrator as well as micromanagement and a punitive environment. This is from several people who have worked there very recently. My current administrator might be a dick but he is honest and approachable.

Today was pretty rough. My pay without overtime is definitely not what we’ve been accustomed to. After paying insurance (vehicle and homeowner) and phone we have about $200 to get thru the next 2 weeks. Merry Christmas 😳. But then my sweet friend posted a picture of her 18 year old son’s grave site. He was a firefighter and was killed by a falling tree while attempting to clear a road after Hurricane Helene. And I decided I don’t have it so bad.

Oh My....y'all are suffering so bad down there, but please don't suffer needlessly! I know what you mean about "reframing" situations, because I tend to do that a LOT. Coping mechanism.

Anyway I'm comforted that you are vetting the new place out because as we know, job vacancies don't always happen for "good" reasons!

So what do you think you'll do, stand your ground and FIGHT? Or bide yourtime and keep scouting around? Wishing you every success with that! Maybe you can get the DON shifted outta there! (In your dreams...but she sounds really UGH.)

I'm sure one aspect which nobody has mentioned here is the personal connections with the residents you wouldn't see any longer if you were to leave. Yes, I'd say, yet you know that we cannot hang onto the dear oldies for too long... :(

Superesse,
You’ve hit the nail on the head.

My uncle lives there where I work now. My mom comes to work with me so she can visit her little brother. I have developed relationships with patients and their families. And I care very much for them.

I’m not perfect. But I own my faults and mistakes. I apologize, do my best to make amends when I mess up. This woman has never apologized for saying truly awful things to me. And my job is critical. I really don’t want to be broken by this beeyotch. I’m documenting everything. Idk if you ever saw Johnny Dangerously but this is fargin war.

For the record, the new info makes the decision much less clearcut than it appeared at first.

Oh, yeah. Stop the 'I'm not perfect stuff.' Everybody knows that, and you're not the only imperfect being(!). Emphasize 'I am really, really good at this job.' That's what they pay you for.

Tough choice between the jobs.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:54 PM, Wednesday, December 18th]