SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I agree on the shock. I think dday2 has been worse on me than 1. As much as it is the last straw for me, due in part to many of the reasons mentioned by posters here regarding her lack of any remorse, continued disrespect and devaluing by asking for permission for fking this guy, it’s the LIES that seem to really be bothering me.

Considering it was my last straw, why do I care about the continued lies, the trickle truth etc. I do care and that’s the problem, I’m deep in the "discovery"/"detective" mode again but then I find myself thinking why am I even doing this.

Example…. I came home from work at 3am and I grabbed her phone my her bedside table and went looking through it. Of course she comments "you’re not gonna find anything". She has become great at cleaning up any crumbs now. But she lied about them being in contact almost daily since dday1 which until dday2 she told me there was no
Contact. It’s infuriating to be honest. I feel this constant need to catch her in more lies, but what the hell is the point and how do I mentally break myself from that.

Right after Christmas, separation papers are going to the lawyers. Trust twice broken in the worst way imaginable one month apart (those are only the occasions that I know of) but can’t ever see regaining.

So again why am I doing this and why do I care. I’m so angry with her and also so angry with myself

Because you love her..or who you thought she was...or her before her friend poisoned her. One more thought...if you want to try a true intervention....spill everything to parents. Maybe they would be able to stop her from destroying herself and your family.

Well your prefrontal cortex says you are done but your heart and amygdola (sp? I'll just say 'lizard brain') still just didn't get the message. You need to be separated from your evil shrew-lady for you to start to heal. In particular you can't keep seeing her comings and goings to start.

Woodthrush, after having reached out to her sisters and filling them in, they have since taken it upon themselves to let her parents know. My Father in Law is pissed and has requested to speak with her in person. This conversation is taking place this afternoon. Do I expect much to come from it???? not really but at least maybe she will be held to account for some of her actions by someone other than me, and given some perspective.

On the bright side, whether she and I work out at all is irrelevant to this part, she mentioned to me today that is going to seek some mental health evaluation and assistance regarding potential disorders or changes in meds. Her being healthy is important even if we are apart.

It is very hard to just stop living someone.

That being said at dday2 I was done being reasonable with my cheating husband.

I understand your position about checking the phone for contact. It just irks the daylights out of you w/ the lying and cheating.

However, for me, at dday2 I told my H that unfortunately our marriage was over (due to his lying and continued cheating) and he was free to be with the other woman (or anyone rose he chose to be with.

I just did not care. My "give a damn" meter had ceased functioning.

Maybe for you, you keep hoping that she will change. I suggest reading up on the 180 to protect yourself — just in case she doesn’t change.

That is great Marty....glad to hear. The mental health evaluation ...great, but my opinion....absolute NO CONTACT with that guy or that swinger friend....that is if she wants any hope to redeem the marriage.

If she has to quit her job. ..big deal ...she can go work at any of the 1,000 places looking for help. Sure she might take pay cut. ..but are you and marriage worth it. Good job calling sisters. Hope you did gave them the reality of where she is at.

Keep us posted.

[This message edited by WoodThrush2 at 11:20 PM, Saturday, December 21st]