If he genuinely just "wants to help", does he also want to help MEN he comes into contact with, or is this just a woman thing?
This. I, too, have helping people in my DNA, but it's been far more inclined towards helping out other men, very few women.
Having been married for 30+ years, you (and he) might not be familiar with the new social character "Captain Save-a-hoe" but this is exactly what he sounds like. The white knight swoops in and saves the day, basking in the praise and gratitude. Over and over again. It's not necessarily adultery, but it certainly isn't in the "unquestionably committed" part of the card catalogue.
Now, he might not be physically doing sexual things, but he's definitely treading the territory of Captain Save-a-hoe as he always has. It sounds like he doesn't really know where to draw the line, but it sort of does sound like he's willing to draw it.
No-one really jumps straight to adultery. There are usually many steps along the way. He has taken the first step towards it many, many times, and is trying to hand-wave it away to you (and probably to himself) as "helping." I recommend telling him this and telling him how much it hurts you every time he does it.
The fox might not be actively digging at the chicken coop, but standing just outside it ALL DAY gazing longingly therein doesn't engender a huge amount of confidence in his character.
The hawk might not be diving down to capture the dove, but he is watching her (and her seventeen friends) and circling overhead. It's difficult to believe he's merely sightseeing.
...I could go on with the animal metaphors, but the point should be clear...
You're definitely in the right to raise a concern about this behavior, but I would definitely address it with a calm and respectful demeanor, as his ally and helpmate, since bringing down the hammer of scorn and judgement might just result in him closing down and going underground with it.
The rolling boulder changes course slowly, especially one that has a lot of momentum.
See, I'm going out on a geological metaphor instead of an animal one. XD
-M
(edited for typos)
[This message edited by Mindjob at 12:49 AM, Monday, November 18th]