Topic is Sleeping.
SadieMae ( member #42986) posted at 2:10 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2024
How do you feel about entangling your life with someone whose morals and character allowed him to engage in a years-long affair with a married woman?
If that knowledge makes you uncomfortable about continuing with him, why would you choose to not listen to your "gut" and instead continue into a relationship that is rife with red-flags?
Me: BW D-day 3/9/2014
TT until 6/2016
TT again Fall 2020
Yay! A new D-Day on 11/8/2023 WTAF
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 4:49 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2024
Is this relationship or guy worth it?
Does the joy override the pain, lies, etc.?
Soooo in the analysis of this guy, he appears to have issues. Why would he want to stay "friends" with this person shows you HIS flaws or problems.
He deserves better.
So do you.
If this were me, this relationship would have ended under the "this reminds me of the lunch table in middle school drama".
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 5:40 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2024
Dating is a vetting process for a future partner; it's not a process by which you counsel someone through their problems or attempt to fix their broken character.
The fact that he had no compunctions about having a long affair with a married woman, carried on that relationship (even if it fizzled out at that point) during his relationship with you, and needs to be convinced of why his affair was wrong and why is AP is a bad person should be enough red flags for you to bail out now.
I'm not saying that people don't make poor choices in their past and come back from them. But your BF clearly isn't remorseful about his participation in an affair and doesn't appear to have learned any meaningful lessons from the experience.
If honesty and fidelity are important to you, find someone who shares your values and stop wasting your time with this guy.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
HellIsNotHalfFull ( member #83534) posted at 6:12 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2024
You can’t let it go, nor do I think you should. First, there is a lot of blame on the OW, as she certainly is a piece of work, but your partner isn’t innocent here at all. He made the choice to get involved with a married woman, he made the choice to lie to you in order to keep his affair going. Even if he wasn’t an affair partner, starting off a relationship with any lies, let alone something as significant as he is an AP and is having sex with another person and hiding that from you is just not someone who is worth it.
He failed the boyfriend test, and it doesn’t sound like he has really done anything to work on himself.
I’ve been married over 2 decades, it gets hard, and up until recently never had infidelity to deal with. Even with our well made foundation her affair almost ended us. Still might. Starting off a serious relationship with infidelity both to you and as someone willing to be an AP is a terrible idea, and especially with the severity of lies.
If you’re having doubts. As you rightly should, I’d say you have your answer
Me mid 40s BH
Her 40s STBX WW
3 year EA 1 year PA.
DDAY 1 Feb 2022. DDAY 2 Jun 2022. DDAY 3/4/5/6/7 July 2024
Nothing but abuse and lies and abuse false R for three years. Divorcing and never looking back.
Moomin68 (original poster new member #84840) posted at 7:14 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2024
Hey everyone, I've decided to remove my posts. I feel I've received enough input to come to a decision. Thank you all for your help, support and advice.
Suffice to say, I've been feeling pretty miserable about this for a few weeks now. It's been weighing on me heavily and I'm almost ready to make my decision final.
Thank you all.
(If any mods wish to remove this thread, feel free)
[This message edited by Moomin68 at 7:14 PM, Friday, May 17th]
Topic is Sleeping.
