SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Very brief explaination; I found out shy of 2 weeks ago my wife had an affair. I’ve been processing since then and trying to "work on it" with my WW. To be honest, we haven’t felt this close in years and I really can see a shift in her. But it’s early on and I know time will tell.

Today it’s all hitting me HARD though! I’m stuck at work and all I can see every blink of my eyes is them together (what I imagine at least). I want to scream and cry and break things and close myself away from everyone! But like I said, I’m at work so I smile and do my job instead.

I need encouraging words. Stories of success and reassurance this will get better and be ok in the end. I need to hear the hole in my chest that’s taking my breath away will close eventually and my wife can still be my wife one day.

I feel silly even asking for this. I’m a 41 year old man, tattooed and athletically built/strong. The picture of an action movie badass. And all I want to do in this moment is break down in sobs at my desk.

Nevermind. I lived through the day.

Haha, been there man. For what it's worth for next time, asking yourself what the difference is between today and tomorrow sometimes helps.

Just saw this. I found when I felt thos way the thing that helped me more than anything was to evaluate what is different today to feel overwhelmed, address that with my spouse. To break the cyclic thinking write it down and put it aside so I could focus and work.
If that failed I'd take 10 and go for a very brisk walk of go do the stairs in my office building a few times. Movement helps as you tend to go into fight or flight head space.

  Moving to General

A reminder:

Off Topic & Fun & Games (except for quote thread) are to be kept free of infidelity.

I'm so so sorry you're here. Your feelings are absolutely valid. The early stages are filled with grief that comes in hard waves and numbness. Anger, shock, deep sadness, bargaining...sometimes they come all at once, sometimes one at a time, they're definitely not linear. Be kind to yourself during this process. Know that healing through this can take years. I have a story of success and can tell you that with you taking charge of your own healing you absolutely will be okay. I have come out on the other side of this and am SO MUCH better with self and in how I approach my own life, and happiness. I did not keep my marriage. Unfortunately, our WS's doing their part to be healthy for us is out of our control. However, I have been in therapy for years and can honestly say I am happier than I ever was even before this happened to me. I have my self worth and self esteem at levels I did not before and would never choose to go back. It's hard jumping head first into the emotions that come with this process. It's SO painful. But I promise you with a good IC and lots of focus and care of yourself, you will get through this on top. Sending mojo.

((((hugs))))

Edited to add: I remember taking days one at a time and identifying the emotions or stage of grief I was in in that moment. I used to tell myself to try to process it, feel it, see if it was triggering other things to come up for me, and I would process through until I could move past it. I did weekly IC. If this helps any.

[This message edited by maise at 6:14 PM, Thursday, March 14th]

I've read your story. You've cheated as well. You rugswept those affairs. Don't make the same mistakr this time. And be prepared to discuss your affairs as well. She was never really allowed to heal from the damage you caused. If you want this marriage to make it,both of you have a lot of work to do.

How are you holding up, OP?