SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

That's what I had always thought, that credit was separate. They were big on that issue in the army, cautioned them against power of attorney things while deployed.
I've had a weird day. I went window shopping with my oldest earlier and walked by the lingerie, saw something I liked...and thought well, he'd probably just roll his eyes. It made me resentful. I had planned on doing the 180 already but was pretty scared of it. Kept having the "what if he's planning to connect on Saturday and I miss the chance"...but now I'm not scared. If he wants to take the step he's going to have to chase me for it. If he doesn't, fine. His loss. I mentioned to him that day at Burger King that he's never had to fight for me. Maybe the concept is overwhelming. Well, get over it, that's what I deserve. He's also never had to deal with hurting me. I'm sure that's overwhelming.
It just doesn't make sense that he can be willing to protect my life, but not my heart. One thing I've been extremely confused by...We went on our anniversary in June to buy a car, and a man walked in while we were sitting there screaming because his car had gotten repoed, WH immediately shifted to get in between me and the guy. Didn't think anything of it...the sales guy got done talking to the angry guy and came and sat down and started talking to WH...the guy had a gun. Not sure if that's necessarily a military thing, because he's always been that way when it comes to me, never anyone else.

Coffeelove

I am in the club that thinks you are doing a pick-me dance.
Regarding the credit-rating then yes – it is based on the individual rather than a couple, but marital finances tend to be so entwined that it’s highly likely that your husband can still take actions and do things that can negatively affect you and your future financially. That could range from accumulating debt, fiddling his pension, moving assets, plain outright stealing…
In the strongest of words: Get legal advice on how to ensure your rights. If your husband doesn’t pay his hotel bill/car lease/credit-card/gym membership…. Whatever… they won’t only go for his half of the debt-free part of your family-home (purchased during marriage and therefore probably a marital asset) or his half of your debt-free vehicle (purchased during marriage and therefore a marital asset), but will take the whole asset and leave you with change. I could be totally 100% off, this varies state-by-state and country-by-country, but this is something that spending some time and even cash to get a legally sound separation agreement in place OR filing could make sense.

I read a lot about what he wants and what he doesn’t want.
Don’t see as much what YOU want.

Keep in mind that your options are rather limited. They are based on what he’s offering, so your options are probably based on a) sharing him with the other woman and b) getting out of infidelity.

I can tell you one thing that experience has shown us repeatedly: In the majority of cases where a person has told their wayward spouse they are getting out of infidelity, the wayward has followed.

Your kids are 18 and 16. I'm not sure how young the third child is. But,if they are close in age to the older kids, then all the more reason to stop allowing him full access to your home.

If he can't have them where he us staying, then HE needs to make plans to actually pick the kids up,and take them somewhere to spend time with them. He left. It is his job to arrange time with the kids, not yours. There are plenty of free,fun things he can plan for them.

He isn't full of shame. He's having a great time. He's on his own,living very close to his younger girlfriend. He gets to see her whenever be wants, and then you let him come home,make him dinner, dance the pick me tango, and he's enjoying every bit of it. He has 2 women acting as if he's a prize.

You need to set some boundaries. He left. He doesn't get to come,and go,as if he still lives there. He left. He needs to sit with that decision. He needs to live as the single man he wants to be. Close up the bakery. Tell him you want the keys to the house.

Of course, legally, it's still his house,and if he refuses,there's nothing you can do. But he wanted to leave. He can't have it both ways. And you need to stop making this so easy for him.

Also, that he still continues to speak to her,tells you all ou need to know. He's gone. If he returns, it's not because he suddenly remembers how great you are. It will be because he tried out the new shiny toy,and she wasn't as fun as she was when it was an affair. Don't be his Plan B.

You don’t have a husband; you have 4 teenagers. He’s the oldest, who comes and goes as he pleases and doesn’t think the rules apply to him.

For some reason, many cheaters are content with having two women fight over them. They don’t see anything wrong with it. They enjoy the attention and ego boost.

It’s a mistake. Here’s why. The cheating spouse EXPECTS you to be there waiting. At least my cheating husband did. He took full advantage of the situation even telling me "I don’t k ow what I want but I will let you know in a few months what I decide".

At dday2 I finally wised up and changed the game. I told him I was D him and get out. He refused to leave and I picked up the phone in front of him and made a call to a friend. I asked if he could stay with our friend for a few days until he found a place to go.

I now had all the power in the marriage. Game changer.

Suddenly he’s begging me to Reconcile. He’s chasing me (which I wanted no part of).

I didn’t tell him I was D him to stop the affair. I told him I was D him b/c I couldn’t live with a cheater one more second.

The 180 is there for a reason. To protect you and set boundaries. When I was doing everything possible to save my marriage my H couldn’t care less. In fact he made a few comments to the OW about it.

He didn’t respect me. He found my attempts to work on our marriage pathetic. He mocked me for crying about it. Everything about me annoyed him.

That is the cheater mindset.

Hi Coffeelove! I love coffee too lol!

I read your story and all I can say is that you deserve to be treated better. You deserve to get in return what you give, and you deserve to be with someone who is working towards your mutual goals as a couple, as a family.

He is very confused, I would continue the 180 and start separating from him. He will never make up his mind unless you are no longer a choice. Don't give him that choice without getting what you want.

Start dreaming about the things YOU want. I'm not saying there isn't any hope but the fog is thick with this one, even when confronted he doesn't know what he wants....at least he's not lying. Listen to truth and act accordingly with your goals in mind.

I wish you peace.

My fWH immediately when no contact when I notified him and his AP on DDay that I would not be in the marriage any longer, and they could have each other.

I discovered their affair because somehow their texting thread suddenly came across my iPad. I still have no idea how that happened. So I read their messages, jumped in on their active messaging that was happening as I read it, and told them what I had to say.

It seems to have been an effective strategy.

I immediately went grey rock and 180.

He knew there was a serious thing happening on my side of the fence.

If you do want to get out of infidelity, he has to stop eating cake. So you have to stop being cake.

How are you going Coffeelove?