SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am still healing from infidelity even after 5 plus years. And here it goes again with a family member of someone close to me being cheated on and all of the fallout from that. Not only does this bring up a lot
of feelings for me but I am sure for that person who is also survivor of infidelity.

What is wrong with people? The marriage affected is not a long one. Why even marry if you are cheating?

I think venting is allowed in general…hope it is..

I so relate to this. When you see it come up in your immediate circle it is demoralizing. It seems like every year another of my husband’s male partners goes down the same fuck up path with someone at work and then they reconcile. These are men and women we are close friends with. Afterwards you can see the pain in the wives faces even though it is not discussed openly what happened. It makes you question the good in the world-or the absence of it.

Triple hugs to you. Thank you for venting.

It's everywhere. Aside from watching it pop up in the circle of people you know, it's also in practically every movie or television show as the go-to plot device for some reason.. music as well in most every genre. I'm getting a little numb to it.
20 years ago, I was at a cousin's wedding with my siblings, their spouses, and my ex-wife. 10 married people around one table. Half-wasted, one sister-in-law slugs her drink, waves for another one and says: "He'll be cheating on her inside of a year... Guaranteed." She turns straight to me and slurs out "You all do it. Why don't you and I just go out to the car and get it on?" She leans on an elbow and points a thumb at my brother.. "This one's been doing his co-worker for two years. Why shouldn't I get some, too? I've always thought you looked pretty good and you're eventually going to cheat on YOUR wife anyway, so why don't we both just rip the band-aid off? Keep it in the family.." Of course I'm completely stymied, but before I can even cough up a word, ANOTHER one of my sister-in-laws half shouts: "Really?! I don't believe this! Mr. Asshole over here cheated on me with someone at work, too!!" They start sharing their stories, oblivious to the fact that it's now total crickets at the tables surrounding ours. The whole time, unknown to them, I'm sitting there next to MY ExWW who had been caught in an affair with a co-worker just a few months earlier. FUN times there. On a bright note, both of my brothers are still married and the bride and groom from that day are still together as well - although I can't be certain that one of them isn't reading this thread right now......

Infidelity is everywhere, all the time. I suppose infidelity has always been an issue, maybe worse now, regardless these are the times we live. My goal is to reduce triggers, and the hardest trigger is actually encountering those committing or suffering the abuse of infidelity. My ultimate goal is that infidelity and the past take none of my time. Maybe an impossible goal, but I do see thoughts of infidelity taking up less space. That's enough, better than yesterday.

Unfortunately infidelity has played a part and shaped my life starting with my parents who both were having and A when they met and left their spouses to be together. My mom went on to have multiple A's on my dad. My uncle had 3 wives, cheating on his 2nd wife to be with 3rd wife. My cousins, many of them cheated. I knew I didn't want that for myself yet it happened in my own M. I even had my own RA rationalizing it in my mind that my mom did it and the cycle continued. Now I want no place for it in my life. If it happens to me again I know I'll survive but will not entertain R with my new partner if he does cheat. Too much brain damage there and having to overcome and live with the perpetrator. Knowing myself and how hard I hold a grudge, R is seemingly impossible for me.

I wish that could just disconnect from Infidelity, but sadly there is fallout that hits everyone around as we attempt to shift emotional and time resources that were stretched by our own experiences with infidelity to support and help the new survivor in the family.

As a mother it’s hard for me to wrap my head around a mother dong this kind of damage to their family with younger children. But the fact I can’t fathom it is probably a good thing.

At my first job many years ago, people were having affairs left and right. I was young and naive so I didn’t think much of it. I continued to work for the boss who was cheating on his wife. I continued to be friendly with the front desk girl who was sleeping with a married man in exchange for expensive gifts, etc. We as a culture accept these behaviors and turn the other cheek. Why is adultery not as bad as stealing or physical abuse? Would I continue to work for someone who embezzles money from the company? Or be friends with someone who beats his spouse?
Our cultural standards have been lowered to demoralizing standards. TV shows and movies make light of cheating. Almost every tv show has some sort of infidelity. We have become numb to it and are being conditioned to accept it as normal human behavior. It is disgusting and my heart breaks for our children who many also go through this devastating blow.

I was about six years out from infidelity, better, but not in a great place, when my SIL called me crying her eyes out that my brother was cheating on her. I supported her as best as I could from a distance, my brother continued to cheat for months, I didn't speak to my brother for years until my SIL died about two years ago.

Three of my female neighbors were cheated on by their husbands, one directly across the street and two directly to the right of my house. Two of them are divorced and happy. One I think is tolerating her WH until her kids are out of high school.

I didn't realize how common infidelity is although I had witnessed it when I was working before I had children.

The damage to all of these families is indescribable.

And now the money grab begins.

The recently married wayward in my social network is going after the betrayed’s money.

I truly hate seeing the story play out again. Is the money grab in the cheater’s handbook too?

I’m sorry you are seeing this too.

I have a dear friend who was married to a serial cheater. Her cheating H was brazen enough to flaunt the last affair in her face. Parade around with the OW. Everyone witnessed it.

She finally decided enough was enough and D him. He made her life a living nightmare. Money grab was the least of the problems. He threatened to kill her, bury her, put her in a mental hospital by playing games and mentally beating her down.

We supported her as best we could but she suffered. He refused to settle or negotiate. He wanted her professional practice, her $, the kids to hate her, etc.

She had to buy him a house, huge financial settlement (she was the breadwinner) etc.

Where is she now? Well she has done very well financially and is very happy. She knows now her XH was a total NPD. She now believes he fast tracked their wedding b/c he saw her $ and wanted in (her family was well off and he grew up rather poor).

He stole from her, his family, anyone he could while playing "victim".

It was brutal to watch my friend D this loser of a H but in the end she survived. She’s happy and in a good place but will suffer from some form of PTSD her entire life.

The cheating is all around us. It’s just brutal to watch.

"She finally decided enough was enough and D him. He made her life a living nightmare. Money grab was the least of the problems. He threatened to kill her, bury her, put her in a mental hospital by playing games and mentally beating her down.

First wife. What you typed just makes me want to offer to hug your friend. Your friend and I have a lot in common that I can’t yet discuss in this board. Your message is a good reminder to treat active unrepentant waywards one is divorcing like poison spitting creatures capable of great harm.

We are doing what we can to support our extended family member in the situation they are in.

Before I was cheated on, I felt like I saw it everywhere but didn't really think anything of it. In movies, in books. It's used as a simple plot line to make things interesting. But now that I've experienced it for myself, just having to watch it happen in movies and shows is so painful and triggering. It makes me angry just to witness it happen. I once had a friend who had a EA/PA for an entire year while dating her partner. Everyone in the friend group knew, but said nothing. Even I said nothing, even though I didn't approve of what she was doing. Now, after having to face it myself, I so badly wished I would have said something, held her accountable for her actions. I know better now, though.

It’s so saddening that another person is going through the feelings of loss and pain. And how calculating active waywards can be.

And now comes the holidays…

This is hard stuff watching people you care about hurt by infidelity…