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Newest Member: M0771

New Beginnings :
That Moment When you Don't Like them Anymore

Topic is Sleeping.
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 ANewPerson (original poster member #83728) posted at 8:47 PM on Wednesday, September 20th, 2023

I found myself drifting into memories about the inequities and poor treatment I'd received throughout my marriage. It was a beautiful comfortable night outside, and I had otherwise been enjoying my evening. It was a few minutes of recounting the horrors and I realized, I don't like my STBXWW anymore! Her worldviews, her personality, her sexual ways, her voice, her morality and principles (or lack thereof), but mostly her treatment of me. If I could snap my fingers and she'd had no affairs and we were at our "best", I don't want that woman. This feels like a sea change for me, anyone else get struck and suddenly fall out of like with the entire person that was your wayward?

BH 54 Divorcing

posts: 55   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2023   ·   location: Heartland USA.
id 8808634
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 12:36 AM on Thursday, September 21st, 2023

Yes and it gets worse as time goes on laugh I felt this way right before I decided to leave my xWS which was why I pulled the trigger on the M. There was just no coming back from that feeling. As time goes on and more time to reflect I am even more horrified by him. Guess that's a good thing. I wouldn't want him back even if he changed all his ways.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 12:41 AM, Thursday, September 21st]

fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorcing

posts: 8827   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8808653
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 11:55 PM on Thursday, September 21st, 2023

"As time goes on and more time to reflect I am even more horrified by him. Guess that's a good thing. I wouldn't want him back even if he changed all his ways."

Crazyblindsided I could not agree more.
I would not want EXCH if it was a global apocalypse and he was the last man standing!

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1673   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8808797
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 1:31 AM on Friday, September 22nd, 2023

"I would not want EXCH if it was a global apocalypse and he was the last man standing!"

Mmmhmmmm

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4519   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8808816
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 2:13 AM on Friday, September 22nd, 2023

Yep and I remember the exact moment it happened too.

Also I wouldn't take my xwh back ever. I would give him a Sparta kick in the dick tho.

So sue me, I'm not to meh yet 😂

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8808822
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ChewedMeUp ( member #8008) posted at 2:44 PM on Friday, September 22nd, 2023

We have kids, so I still see him rarely (graduations and such) and I don't hate him anymore or anything (we'd spent long enough in limbo that when we finally split in 2015ish, it was more relief than anything).

My daughter's college graduation this past spring was the perfect example - the school was in a small town, so rather than try to have a celebratory dinner out, we just did some deli trays and such at picnic tables on campus. And I'm standing there, looking at everyone and listening to them talk and it just struck me - I genuinely can't even see what on earth I was even attracted to in the first place. Nothing in common to even have idle chit-chat about anymore, aside from "how's your job" and things like that.

Just ... nothing. Brief mild annoyance that I had to make polite noises at this person before I could talk to someone else instead.

BS - over 40
DivorcED, finally.
2 Kids

posts: 657   ·   registered: Aug. 26th, 2005   ·   location: Baltimore, MD
id 8808879
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:32 PM on Friday, September 22nd, 2023

The rose colored glasses are off🤪😂

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13966   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8808964
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taken4granted ( member #61971) posted at 4:03 PM on Thursday, September 28th, 2023

I remember sitting at one of my daughter’s events and in walked xwh and a woman. It was the first time he showed up with someone and I realized I felt pity for her. I knew I disliked him during the divorce but I wasn’t sure how I would feel about another woman in his life and potentially in my girls’ lives. I then took a closer look and realized it was his sister.

Since then he’s had a few women and of course, he’s cheated on all of them. He will always be that person. Thankfully, the main woman he’s dating now is also cheating on him. I don’t feel pity for her and hope they end up together sparing others. I know I should feel meh, but I do feel sorry for any decent person who invests time in him.

I wasted too much time on him already and I’m just thankful I didn’t waste any more on him.

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Me: Living life! Him: Not my problem anymore
Married 15 yrs.
1 LTA, Many EAs from 2009 - ?
Dday 1 = 6/16/17
Last Dday = 1/4/18
Started loving myself 2018!

posts: 407   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2017   ·   location: OH
id 8809727
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:45 PM on Thursday, September 28th, 2023

A couple weeks ago I ran into my XWS after not having laid eyes on him in 4 years. I did not even recognize him. I hugged the friends he was with, and didn’t even register he was standing three feet away. This is man my heart went pitter pat for? This was the man whose face I could stare out forever? The eyes I thought were magical? It’s all gone — didn’t find him the least bit attractive.

Crazy how we heal. But we do !

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6050   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8809753
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 3:58 AM on Tuesday, November 7th, 2023

"Since then he’s had a few women and of course, he’s cheated on all of them"

We’re we married to the same person????

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1673   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8814240
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StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 11:59 AM on Friday, November 10th, 2023

Absolutely. Not only that, I don't like the woman that I was when I was with him. I genuinely like who I am now. I had let all the disrespect and shitty treatment from him build resentment up in me. I wasn't happy. I've never once regretted D'ing him.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014

posts: 6099   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 8814661
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 ANewPerson (original poster member #83728) posted at 9:25 PM on Saturday, November 11th, 2023

Absolutely. Not only that, I don't like the woman that I was when I was with him. I genuinely like who I am now. I had let all the disrespect and shitty treatment from him build resentment up in me. I wasn't happy. I've never once regretted D'ing him.

After filing for divorce I finally allowed myself to consider my resentment as valid. Everything had to serve the illusion of reconciliation, while actually just allowing more infidelity. I'm starting to see how the experience has shaped me into someone I don't really like. I observe a somewhat reliable NC, but on contact I am pleased with my responses now. When I ruminate, I just look at the response and they always feel complete. I don't speak around anything, I just say it, no matter how direct and insulting it might sound. As a BS it feels good to speak truth to WS without fear of consequence.

BH 54 Divorcing

posts: 55   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2023   ·   location: Heartland USA.
id 8814901
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kiwilee ( member #10426) posted at 10:16 AM on Sunday, November 12th, 2023

It’s a great place to be when you reach this place of indifference or slight apathy.

It’s freeing when that shift happens from holding on so tightly and pouring so much of self into another back onto yourself. For me, it was a seismic shift of taking back my power.

Now I don’t even remember what it felt like to be so in love with him. When I see him, I think "nope not for me…what did I see in this person?"

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8814939
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MySolstice ( new member #84273) posted at 1:26 AM on Saturday, December 23rd, 2023

[This message edited by MySolstice at 6:30 PM, Monday, December 25th]

Him cheater, me imperfect human and wife/exwife. Four kids together, married 22 years, affair at 16 years, 6 years of struggling to put it back together, divorced 11 years now.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Dec. 20th, 2023
id 8819251
Topic is Sleeping.
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