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It sounds like you are RC and only what the RCC says matters, yet I would remind you that Jesus explicitly condoned divorce over adultery.

Jesus explicitly condoned divorce over adultery.

WRONG

This is the most mistaken Biblical concept here. It’s not that difficult to understand the difference between fornication and adultery.

Please read Matthew 5:32 again.

I’m Catholic and was able to get an annulment on the basis that my husband deceived me into marriage; ie, there was sufficient evidence to show that he never had any intention of fulfilling his vows. Believe it or not, the adultery was just part of it.

The process was long and arduous, but it was worth it. I was in my early 30s and didn’t have kids; I’m glad I didn’t have to wait for my ex to die before I could have a second chance to have a really marriage and family.

Edit;add:

We have not told our children yet. I have asked her to inform the children of her intent to divorce me. She has not yet, and I'm thinking she may have second thoughts.

I think it’s fair to assume that your wife thinks that you will carry water for her the way you always have. Her usual MO is to drop a bomb on your family and then have you deal with the fallout with the kids.

Are you sure she doesn’t have another man in the picture?

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 1:36 AM, Wednesday, October 4th]

Please read Matthew 5:32 again.

At the risk of a ban-hammer, Jesus explicitly references "porneia" in this verse, which is translated "sexual immorality", which is ANY sexual activity with someone other than one’s spouse, is Biblical grounds for divorce. If you mean to say the standard is far less than actual intercourse, then yes, I fully agree with you.

Arguing about the meaning of verses in the Bible is too close to arguing about religion.

STOP.

The fact is: there IS a lot of argument about verses in the Bible, and there's lots of variation in practices. Deal with it, but not on SI.

Bumped at original posters request.

Hi NP5,

Looking forward to hearing from you.
We hope that you and your kids have been keeping well and some good things have happened for you over the past few months.
Did you have a good Christmas?
Regards,
FAWH

Would love an update. I am working through the long history of your horrible situation. My....oh my. I so hope you can finally have peace and someone who appreciates you and is loyal.

Hi. Long time no post...

Wife has had the divorce petition dismissed, so we are still married. I still love her, but it is difficult to be close to her. She says she still loves me, but doesn't like me much at all at times. We have not slept together in several years, as she has had a severe medical condition and doesn't want me with her.

My children are very close to each other. They all hang out together and play and love each other very deeply. They love WW and me and appreciate when we all do stuff together. So, I guess we would be considered a loving, happy family. Sort of.

My eldest DD is in medical school and my second DD is about to graduate to be a teacher. My third DD is also about to graduate, but she may get a graduate degree. Fourth DD is a junior in HS and is really active there and has lots of friends. Finally, my DS is going to HS next year. He is happy. My eldest DD said that he is starting to sound a lot like me when he talks, so that's good... I guess. I am O- and wife is O- and all my children are O-, so supposedly the chances are 98% that they are all mine. fun fact...

I think I just wanted to bump my thread because so many people have helped me in so many ways over the years, and I felt I should update me. I really appreciate SI and all the people who contribute. Good advice, not so good advice, it all really helps a person to be heard and to feel like they are not alone. I can't express my gratitude in words...

So, some may question that I may be hurting myself unnecessarily by sticking with it. Perhaps. But as a Catholic I don't believe in divorce and remarriage, so it hinders my options. I apply myself to my family, my son, daughters, and my wife. I'm 55 now and maybe have 20 years left. I have pushed through 10 years of infidelity trauma and come out the other side. I would say that 3-5 years is about the recovery time... mine was 5+ years at least. Milage will vary. Having an immediately remorseful wife helps. Not having one doesn't help. I don't have regrets for staying. I prevented a stepdad from fucking, or fucking up my children. I have tried to show them what a marriage vow means and how it looks like in real life. Sometimes it isn't all roses and sunshine. Sometimes it is very, very hard. But it is worth it to stay true.

Take care and hang in there, no matter your path.

NP5

Thanks for the update, NP5. It's not what I expected from your last posts. IDK ... if you aren't going to remarry without the Church's blessing, and if you're not going to get an annulment, your options are limited.

The kids sound amazing and like sources of joy. I hope they continue to build successful lives.

If you’re only 55 aim for more than "maybe 20 years" left. 20, 40, or 50 make them happy. 👍

Fellow Catholic here.

What is stopping you from getting a civil divorce or just a separation?

You haven’t had sex in 4 years and are willing to live chastely for the foreseeable future, so it’s not like you would be losing intimacy by leaving her.

All of your kids are grown or almost grown up; you don’t need to worry about losing time with or oversight of your kids.

So why spend the rest of your days with a woman who doesn’t respect or even like you? As you get older, do you trust that she will care for you as you have cared for her, show you kindness and compassion, and make decisions in your best interests?

NP - you know I love you dude. I’m so sorry that you still lead an interesting life in this regards but love how you have handled it. Everything that happens to us is a blessing. The challenge that is humans are presented with is being able to see this.

Happy New Years!