sadincolorado, I can so relate to your story.
My deceased wh passed away over 3 years ago.
He was a compulsive liar and serial cheater too.
He also used me and the kid's to cover up his double life of cheating with other women.
He was also in a higher position that required honesty and integrity.🙄
I stayed but stuck my head in the sand out of fear and financial dependence on him. And I loved him. And trusted and believed in him. I never thought he could do these horrid things to me but he did. This was who he was. This was his norm. He also felt entitled.
I was always asking the same questions as you are asking him, are you sure you aren't cheating on me? Are you sure that you love me? His responses were the same as your wh's responses are, of course I love you, you are the best!🤢🤮
One promise my deceased wh did keep was that he made sure that I was taken care before his death... finances, health insurance, etc. for the rest of my life. In this respect I feel grateful.
I now have PTSD. It can get pretty bad when I get stressed but I am determined to overcome it. I also now have depression because of living with him and his other addictions too; alcoholism and his other obsessions.
After things started to surface, mine didn't want to change. He acted like he was working on change though but it was just a farce until I started to relax and let my guard down and was trying to trust him again.
These people are sick, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. And have poor coping mechanisms. I firmly believe most come from some sort of traumatic and warped past and wasn't able to process whatever was going on in their lives, in a healthy manner.
This is who they are and have more than likely been living this way for a very long time.
I would never ever ever EVER!!! put up with this abuse again! I don't care how nice they may be to my face, or how much they spend on me trying to buy my love and forgiveness or a way to justify their cheating. Nope. Nope, not ever going to happen again. He is gone now but still.
Recently a man came onto me and asked me if I wanted to be "friends with benefits" and I told him to go and take a hike. I actually liked him at first, until he opened his mouth.
Please take care of yourself and try and work things through before you take any leap. You sound pretty solid and stable which will prove to be invaluable as you carry on and figure your future out. I was a complete mess and could barely function. And the worst part of it was that he loved to emotionally hurt me and see me in pain but he also loved to love on me. Today when I look back at our past together, I clearly can see how sick he was. There is so much more to my story but think I'll stop for now.
Do yourself a favor and don't put up with this abuse anymore.
Good luck. Keep posting here. Best help you will ever get. I will be following along as your story unfolds.
Take care.