SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't pop in very often but I've been following you journey. Your passion project is such an exciting development. I'm so sorry your relationship didn't go the distance, but you sound very solid.

So here is an update. Feeling a bit blue,but hey, good with the bad...

For the most part, I'm surviving. Being off for the summer has been challenging. I've been fighting depression and a lack of purpose not being at work. This underscores the difficulty of retirement for me. I just think I'll work until I die.

Recently, I’ve been waking g up in the middle of the night having anxiety attacks. They remind me of the one's I had after Dday. I have no idea what the triggers are, so I can't address those. I just wake up.and feel the adrenaline surge enter my bloodstream. I actually really hate the feeling.

As many of you know, both my daughters live with me full-time and are grown. Having them here is a godsend, but I wonder what will happen when they move out?

Plus, last night I woke up terrified that I had not updated my will. Maybe it's the fact I just watched "Bucket List" again,and I realized that I will never see the end of life that Morgan Freeman saw.

Being long in the tooth and having so many bad experiences, I think I need to resign myself to the fact that this is my life and make the best of it. I feel a little defeated as I really did try and do the whole family thing right...

Shit.

JSG, I'm sorry you're feeling a little on the blue side. Those middle of the night anxiety attacks aren't fun.

Based on your comments about work, retirement and wondering about life after your girls move out one day all sounds like wrestling with getting older. I'm right there with you. It's definitely a coming to terms moment. There's grieving for what we didn't do and probably don't have the time or energy to do and anxiety about what the next phase looks like. It's scary, and no one prepares us for this.

I feel a little defeated as I really did try and do the whole family thing right...

I get that. It's one of my biggest disappointments too.

The betrayal trauma, the pandemic and reaching a certain age, added to contemplating losing our work identities and our children living with us - is enough to make anyone melancholy.

As I've been going through similar, I can say the sadness and anxiety come and go. I'm hoping that this is simply a transitional period, as we adjust to a new chapter - being an older person. Why did no one tell us??

I find when I set a goal - a trip or a project - or find a new hobby that grabs my interest, it vastly improves my mood, but I'm not going to lie, it is harder to find purpose the older I get. It's there, but it's not beating down the door anymore. I have to make it happen and sometimes I get lazy about it.

I hope this moment passes and that you're feeling a lot better soon.

Thanks Skeet. Your response helps. Sometimes I feel sad thinking that this is what my final act will be, knowing it could have been so much more.

Shooting for contentment though...

JSG,
Do you have the means to get IC? Knowing that your daughters' impending move out will be tough is insightful and it would help to get ahead of it.

1994,

I don't see my kids moving in the next 2-5 years, so I have time to adjust.

As for IC, I don't think they can help me as I've been pretty much therapied out. I. At a stage where I am pretty self aware.

My plan is to work as long as I can after I turn 65. That way it will keep me busy. I need to find some I interests beyond work to keep me busy, so I'll start exploring. It's funny. When I was younger, I had so many passions and I interests. Now, I just can't get excited about stuff. I know the I fidelity changed me.

JSG

If I remember correctly, you’re pretty handy and know your way around a saw and hammer. Ever consider volunteering to help rebuild/refurbish homes for the disadvantaged/elderly? Just a thought to give yourself a sense of purpose outside of your job.

Either way, all the best.

Ff4152, that’s a great idea!

JSG, I relate so much to what you wrote. I agree that work gives us purpose, And I will probably work as long as I am physically able. Part time at least. Sounds like you are on a downswing of the post-infidelity kiddie roller coaster. I have those moments also. I also understand being therapied out. I am done with it also after seven years.

Is there may be a local group you can join, that meets weekly or monthly and does something that you are interested in? Pickle ball seems to be the new hot thing, although my local ER calls it cripple ball… So be careful there. I have a Recovering alcoholic friend who also battles depression. He meets weekly with a local music group that plays Irish music…. And they just jam together. He says it has saved his life, quite literally. Think about what you like to do most, and if there isn’t already a group in existence near you, maybe start one? Cycling, walking, music, chess, trivia, Book club, etc.

Or as ff4152 suggested, Any kind of volunteer work that gets you around other people. Check with local churches. They are always needing volunteers for weekend activities, soup kitchens, even just as ushers for Services. You don’t need to be religious to get involved.

Hang in there, friend. I enjoy reading your updates. Just keep going.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:27 PM, Monday, August 5th]

I am rooting for you to have the life you truly want!

When I was younger, I had so many passions and I interests. Now, I just can't get excited about stuff. I know the I fidelity changed me.

This is so relatable.

Infidelity has taken away a lot of my passion for life as well. My relationship was part of the organizing principle of my existence. It provided a lot of comfort and motivation, even though I had a fairly big and satisfying independent life before and during. I decided, post-betrayal, not to enter into another romantic relationship, but that's left me feeling less excited about everything somehow. I suppose I never imagined myself aging alone, and I still don't have a lot of peace with that. I wonder if that's what's going on with you?

I don't know if it's healing stuff or a very big adjustment I'm still trying to make. At any rate, we just have to be patient and trust that we will heal fully and make all the necessary adjustments at some point, and also remember that life can surprise the hell out of us. You can turn a corner and bump into the most exciting and wonderful opportunities and people. We really don't know what the future holds for us.

You sound like a really decent human. Good things surely are in store.

Appreciate the comments. Thanks

Being in mid 60s is not end of life stage. Sorry it just aint. If you don't get hit by a train, you probably have 20 or more years to enjoy life.

So keep showing up and you will feel better.