SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Another DDay under my belt…
It’s been ages since I’ve posted. So much has happened since 2013 when all this garbage came out.
We reconciled, went to meetings, counseling a couple years later…got married
Now we currently have been living with my parents for the last 7 years as their full time caretakers.
My dad has dementia and mom is physically complicated.
I broke my back in 2017, Bed bound for three years while I argued with my Kaiser Dr. That I needed it fixed.
Found a specialist last year in February who saw my mri and started I needed surgery asap.
Got it last year June 18th and have been in active recovery since then.
So yeah- it’s been a rough road.
We are working on clearing out our storage and my dads garage to get a head start on a huge project.
Sunday, I walked up behind my hubby in the garage and he pulled the "exit quickly from what he was doing on his phone and pretend he was on FB" crap.
I triggered hard and asked him who he was chatting with…gaslighted hard.
Today- the doubts never go away. When you have "that feeling" follow your gut.
Found emails in his "sent" folder…thread between his ex-gf and himself. The ole "I miss you" and "I miss talking to you" crapola. It’s been going on for a while because she knows all of what’s been going on here…well shit.

He’s at a SA meeting right now- and I’m here contemplating what to do…
Thanks for reading

He is a sex addict, who has given you 5 ddays. There are countless affairs that you know of,and probably several you don't.

Gently, he continues to show you who he is. Isn't it time you believe him? Otherwise..this will be your life. He will get better at hiding it,but there will always be other women.

I'm so sorry. You deserve better.

Could you give us some understanding on why you choose to stay with this man? Is it because he helps with the care of your parents? It seems you have been disabled for almost a decade. Is he also taking care of you? If he's a good care-giver but a shitty husband, can he be replaced by another good care-giver?

What is the outcome you want? I have a serial also and let me tell you its robbing me of my sanity, happiness, and my life. I am here for the next 4 years until my son graduates but let me tell you it is destroying me. Do you even want to stay? Sounds like you have the upper hand. It is your parents home not his. This kind of misery causes PSTD, anxiety, and stress. What do you want? I wish you strengh through this because you are worth so much more.

There will always be another women. Unless you want another Dday, there is no fixing him. Let him deal with his issues, now that youre back up on your feet, keep taking steps forward and away from this horrible human being.

hey- sorry for the delay…but I’ve been up for two days looking for backup material.
I’m currently drunk and f#€£ if I have to pick up my daughter at the airport. In like 30 min. I won’t drive - I’m an idiot, but not dangerous.
Yes, I’m looking into divorce no-contest here in Cali. I’ve told him there is no hope and we are forever tainted.
He’s currently writing his disclosure and begging forgiveness "I can’t look back, just move forward" mantra rings in my ears as I’m stuck here in limbo on how I’m going to have to adjust my whole life…again.
What the hell??? He’s been having cyber sex for YEARS! We have NOT been intimate for almost FIVE YEARS!!
WTF is wrong with ME? What the fuck am I got info to do. I’m wanting to rip the skin off my body because of the pain. Now I need to "pretend " everything is ok when my daughter arrives.
FML right now. I know what to do… I’m such a fool.

You can always just accept him for who and what he is. You do not have to D unless you demand a monogamous marriage— which he cannot give you.

So sorry for you.

No soliciting

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:37 AM, Tuesday, August 23rd]

No need to pretend anything. Gently speak your truth. I'm sorry you're in both physical and emotional pain. May you find progress on both. Let his activities go. He doesn't want to change. He will keep on. No need any longer for the cover up. Find some quiet time to consider what would be best for you in the situation that is now.

Whatever good you can find in life, focus on that. It won't be this dark forever.

Elphaba, I'm sorry you're dealing with this serial cheater. It sounds like he's practiced in hiding affairs over the years (as my ExW was). That trick to hide phone activity is so obvious but as you stated it works because when we question it we get gaslighted hard and accused of being suspicious, etc.

However, your WS made the same mistake my ExW did. Over the years of our marriage my Ex would regularly delete incriminating emails to hide her tracks but she sometimes forgot to delete the emails from the Sent folder. Bingo.

I'm glad you found those emails to verify that unmistakable feeling in your gut, and to confirm that he was in fact hiding his phone activity from you.

[This message edited by Greenwood at 6:17 PM, Wednesday, August 31st]