Dee, Thanks for the cheer! Wish you could go with me so you could think of the right questions to ask during a short 1 hour consult!
The last time, the lawyer thought I was asking him to prepare something he didn't know how to do - something between a Post Nup and a Divorce Property Settlement Agreement! Which, by my persistence I may add, I finally persuaded him to draft and it all worked out as it was intended.
Since one of the main clauses of that Marital Agreement has become a moot point (SAWH just sold the home I'd given him), I want to hear the lawyer tell me all is still OK with it, or tell me it needs to reflect current reality. I am betting he will tell me the latter.
I also want to ask what the lawyer will likely think is yet another stupid question: which path puts me at more risk financially: maintaining this IHS Limbo with Agreement(s)OR just Divorcing? Last time, the lawyer told me 99% of the time when someone sees him, what they want is a Divorce, ASAP. And that's understandable, if I wanted to date or go "man shopping" - but I DON'T!!! ACK. 2 time loser at 69? No F'in way. Being all alone way out in the country, also a bit challenging. IF I STAY HERE. BIG IF.
I believe have no real need to conjoin finances at this stage of my life (thankfully) so I have started to face my fears more about living in a shoebox in my old age...(If I file for D, SAWH will lose half his 401k...not sure he realizes that little detail!) So, Divorce might be best, wrenching as it will be after all these years of "waiting and hoping he'd change."
If the lawyer tells me there's no tangible benefit to me filing D, I'd like to go away reassured, BUT...I'm honestly scared about letting him stay around with us not being legally SPLIT, just so I may benefit from the practical help around the farm he offers (and he does), only to find out a couple years down the road that maybe he's racked up staggering debt behind my back, as he did this last few years. I'm all too aware that, from here on out, he won't have a spare house to sell to get himself solvent.
And you all know how they don't mind sticking it to us...he'd never tell me this, until it was too late for me to find out...One question I will sure have for the lawyer is "Could his obligations come back on me, even with the legal Agreement we've had?" (I keep reading on SI how some states don't honor Marital Agreements but his Paralegal had assured me what we had signed was ironclad, even for creditors he might have.) I don't really know...
And then too, if SAWH were to become disabled or sick, who's going to deal with that? Y'all know the answer to that one....yeah.
So at this point, I suspect D is the way to go, even though I don't hate him, and I can never forget that he's provided a lot of good in my life, other than I cannot TRUST the F'r any further than I can throw him. I just want to get the HECK out of this stuck place. Starting over at 70 doesn't really sound do-able, but I have heard a few ladies have done this...probably mostly wealthy women.
Then, against those optimistic stories, I observe things like today: I took a box of my home-grown tomatoes to the Food Pantry in our town and saw the line out the door, everybody 6 feet apart, waiting with their masks on, to be allowed to go in and get some free food. Whereas, there I was, bringing in the bounty of a crop I planted just for this reason. I am not suffering hunger. These were women my age and much younger, basically all middle class looking, yet for whatever reasons, they don't have enough money to buy groceries, now! It really makes you think. I told the one older woman who thanked me, that I'd grown them for HER. We always think we have it bad, until we see how others have to live.
Puppy Love Talk:
I love my old 13 year old Lab-Shepherd-Wolfie dog so much I can't stand it. I'd only gotten a girl dog because "experts" said 2 males may fight for territorial rights and our old boy is rather Alpha. Well, this girl dog is too much. I'll never get another female. People tell me the "bitches bark the most" and every time I see somebody with a loudly-barking dog, I ask if it's a female. It always is. Huh....
Plus, she is manipulative, wily, coy, acts helpless and baby-like to get attention, the whole bit. Breeder said that is her being Alpha female, but I don't know. I suspect she was bottle-fed as a baby, one of 12 pups. So she "thinks" she's human.
My dilemma now is that this girls' full sister will be having a litter next month, the breeder said it will be her last one, and I could reserve a male puppy! I'd originally hoped to breed our girl but she had ovarian issues from birth, and had to be late spayed. This breeder doesn't sell to just anyone. So, although it's not the urgency of a Rescue puppy, I'm feeling tempted, and tell myself:
a) the old dog won't like it, one bit, if I get a male!!! Even though he's been neutered for 11 years.
(b) it would again be crazy time with a new puppy, and with me trying to break free of this whole situation, a big part of my mind says this isn't the time to get another one, much as I'd LOVE to have the girl's "nephew"!
(c) 3 large dogs won't work well with my truck. I have her in the biggest car crate you can buy and the old boy has to squeeze himself onto a crate mat on a plywood platform (we took out the back seat of the truck, just for them!). He loves to imagine himself young again, running with the truck as he used to do. He's too old and arthritic to do that now.
(d) vet bills, yikes!
Sigh. Always decisions, decisions....
Dee, not sure how you manage multiple doggos! But you may have the space and the talent....
Skeeter, you travel? Yikes. This is why I got the RV last year, to try to give some options for traveling with the dogs. If you fly, you can't bring them with you, and Amtrak doesn't allow them, either. Hmmmmm.
[This message edited by Superesse at 5:25 PM, September 17th (Thursday)]