Skeeter, glad to hear you are feeling better and better. Just for you, I will re-write that dog love story...it's one of those that tries to put into words the emotions I often block out of my own mind, just to function...so bear with me, it may take a while; I'll work on it later today, promise.
With an overnight low of 40, wind from the North this morning, brisk out there, I'm wanting that sunroom to make some progress. So I'm going to Lowe's to get 4 sacks of concrete to mix for a few rough spots (shoddy old porch piers that need squared up, just because I want the under-porch area to be a nicer tool storage space.) I also will price insulation for the flooring and all that jazz.
I just commandeered SAWH to help me load the first of 4 heavy, tall windows we were storing down in the barn for 6 years, waiting to start this project. Least he could do, right? He grumbled and barked orders back at me, the whole time....sheesh I have NEVER worked with such an Oppositional Male, and I ran construction crews! I know I work well with most men...just not this Mr. Know-It-All.
Plus, get THIS: the other day at Costco, he bought himself a new printer for his business. Fine. Except this morning he asks ME to download the software for it. Why? Because all these years, Superesse was forced to be the Internet gatekeeper after our MC in 2002-3 recommended he have no further access to the internet on our home devices...YAHHHHH, RIGHT!!! (It was that or I'd have had to kick him out, and the MC was trying to prevent that...so that "justified" me getting the job??? Like the underlying concept there was "She can control herself, but he can't?")
Repeatedly, he just worked around that arrangement he said he wanted me to do for "us," and STILL, 1 month after being evicted from "his" bedroom in my house, he has the NERVE to sit here patiently, interrupting my day's plan, to get me to play along with that tired old dance?? I told him I hope he is embarrassed by his fraudulent act and all the additional work he's put on me over the years for NOTHING. Any day he wants to get the F outta here, he can choose to be Mr. High Tech and buy and control the latest and greatest hardware and software, but Noooo....he wants me to think he really DOESN'T WANT to do that stuff, it's up to EVERYBODY ELSE to keep his big hands off those evil porn-pushing devices....
To add to the mess, his printer driver downloads ended up being massive, took almost an hour (80 MB by wifi). So while sitting there, wheels spinning again, instead of out working on MY projects, I happened to spy a document icon on my desktop dated exactly 2 years ago TODAY, titled "What I Won't Miss". I just had to read it, you guys - and then I printed it off and SHOWED IT TO HIM!
First on my old list was:
Constant needing to hang out in house until he leaves so I can know he isn’t on my wifi! Not free to come and go in my own home, for fear of him doing evil stuff within my house.
Then next, was:
Constantly having to keep track of where I HIDE the wifi so he won’t be TEMPTED.
Now, I realize how freaking Co-DEPENDENT that sounds, and it PISSES ME OFF that I'm still even having to DEAL with this, a month after another D-Day...and all because some incompetent counselor-in-training advised me back 18 years ago to be the "Adult" in this marriage, so Mr. SAWH could continue to do the TEENAGE BOY act...
I asked him if he could agree this list is MY perception of living with him, and therefore accurate from MY perspective. He nodded his head (but I don't think he really gets it.) Then I asked "What was YOUR reaction to reading these things about yourself on that list, that I won't miss if you leave? (a) that you just cannot help yourself , they are aspects of who you ARE, or(b) that each of them reflects CHOICES you keep making"? Again, he ponders it and decides to nod his head as IF to say "probably Choices, yeah." BUT NOTE THAT HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY ADMIT IT. These are the kind of subtle clues we tend to miss with these people. They really cannot grasp another person's reality.
Y'all, I'm WORKING TOO HARD for a Saturday morning, slap me!!! And...thanks for listening...I feel better somehow!