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General :
Ask the Mods....

Topic is Sleeping.
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Vocalion ( member #82921) posted at 1:35 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

Do.you ever feel so disheartened or disturbed by the level of raw pain in many posts, particularly from those who just found out, that you feel the need to take a break or just step away for an indeterminate period to deal with the vicarious trauma exposure to do much distressing information engenders?

When she says you're the only one she'll ever love, and you find out, that you're not the one she's thinking of,That's when you're learning the game.Charles Hardin ( Buddy) Holly...December 1958

posts: 382   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2023   ·   location: San Diego
id 8831288
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 3:28 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

Is it possible to recover an old account if the account holder doesn't have access to the email they used to create it? I'm guessing not for security and privacy reasons, but I figure it can't hurt to ask.

With a platinum membership you can access your archived posts.

I have a platinum account and can see archived posts from 2004 on my old account, but they're only from the Book Club and Off Topic forums. Posts from other forums start showing up from 2007 on. Seems like I remember MH saying that SI had to delete a bunch of stuff to make room. We were warned to save what we wanted to save. I suppose it's all gone forever, but wondered if there was an off chance that the old posts were in a dusty old trunk in the dungeon. laugh

Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1578   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8831359
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:34 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

For years I just couldn't read JFO. When I accepted the invite to become a guide, I decided to start reading it. The pain is awful, but being so far out from it myself, and having read so many stories of recovery, I know that the bulk of the pain is temporary.

Personally, I stay out of D/S and NB because I'm superstitious. That's only partly a joke.

I tend to 'sign' my posts, but I also tend to edit a lot. The posts come in under my ID, but the edits are by 'SI Staff', which is a feature.

For high contrast, I use the CNN skins. I use a laptop, though; text on phones is too small for me.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:36 PM, Friday, March 29th]

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30544   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8831364
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WalkinOnEggshelz ( member #29447) posted at 3:43 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

Is it possible to recover an old account if the account holder doesn't have access to the email they used to create it? I'm guessing not for security and privacy reasons, but I figure it can't hurt to ask.

You are correct about this.

As far as recovering any archived posts, I’m afraid what you see is what you get. I recall MH’s warning about that as well.

2004 was a long time ago! shocked I know a lot has changed and I don’t have understanding of that level of the interwebs, lol.

If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 16686   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Anywhere and everywhere
id 8831372
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 3:59 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

2004 was a long time ago!

RIGHT? I feel like MH saved me from myself by deleting all that old stuff. laugh

Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1578   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8831376
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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 4:00 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

I've tried the various skins, but if you look at them and consider their greyscale values, they tend to be quite similar. I would love to have a black text over white background for ease of reading.

I'm an oulier in my positions.

Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced

posts: 1875   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8831378
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Blackbird25 ( member #82766) posted at 6:45 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

I have a million questions 😊 but first I just wanna say THANK YOU to mods and admins. Thank you for volunteering your time here. I for one appreciate you all.

My Question:
How do you know when a post in JFO (or any other forum for that matter) is fake or is heavily leaning towards being fake? I ask because when I joined SI (Jan 2023?) there was this riveting "story" in JFO. The writer spun a TALE about his WW who was like a property manager or similar and would go inspect properties before/after renting them out (cabins maybe?) and the supposed AP was the handyman…anyone remember this? The writer started off laying the groundwork about how he (the BH) suspected an affair, followed the WW to her work one night and saw her and the handyman going into one of the units. And then he just stopped the story on a cliffhanger like "to be continued" and said he had to stop writing and would continue later. So I - like I’m sure a lot of us - kept checking for an update because dammit I wanted to know WTH happened!!! So then an update was posted and I’m like thank god because I was fully invested in this story!! Anyway the writer continues saying he peered through the window and witnessed all the things they were doing and described in detail. I’m like NEW to SI and I’m like holy wow this is some crazy shit. And then there was another "to be continued" cliffhanger. Like really? At this point I’m embarrassed to say I was hooked and had to know what happened!! And THEN next day or a few days later I log on and there’s this HUGE warning that said after some digging they (SI admins) discovered the account and member and story were all fake!!! And I was like whoaaaa that was so intense. And then like dang it I was hoodwinked LOL 😂 So how did you all know - or was it just a hunch?? I’m so gullible - maybe that’s why it was so easy for WH to fool me🤔😂

Me: BS Him: WH, Married 1996 -
DDay#1: 6/1/2012 (EA 3 mos, PA 1 month) - DDay#2: 12/26/22 (EA, 1 wk) -
Reconciling and doing well.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jan. 23rd, 2023   ·   location: USA
id 8831422
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 6:58 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

I just wanna say THANK YOU to mods and admins. Thank you for volunteering your time here.

Yessss! Thank you!

Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1578   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8831424
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 7:08 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

Going to ask a question I was asked by PM a couple of days ago and was going to post amongst the mods…

Can I edit my archived posts?
Like… If I realize there is some info in an archived post that can give someone a clue as to who I am, can I go and edit that info out of the archived post.

The poster that asked had a Gold Membership and can edit his posts, but doing so with archived didn’t seem to hold.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 12761   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8831427
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 7:25 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

How do you know when a post in JFO (or any other forum for that matter) is fake or is heavily leaning towards being fake?

Happens quite regularly. We have out tools and methods but I wont share them.

We need to be very certain if a poster is fake before we take action.

I guess the consensus is that it’s better to give the poster the benefit of doubt rather than close a resource on someone that might be in need.
One of the few I remember we called out publicly was the poster claiming to be a Navy SEAL. I guess we felt the disrespect for those that serve was such we called him out.

What I can say though is that these posters aren’t going to get any literary prize and tend to make mistakes that we can latch on. The above-mentioned SEAL had the eloquence of Popeye.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 12761   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8831433
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OhItsYou ( member #84125) posted at 7:53 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

^ I remember that thread! Written like a jarhead movie script.

Plus the whole stolen valor aspect.

posts: 214   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2023   ·   location: Texas
id 8831439
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WalkinOnEggshelz ( member #29447) posted at 9:02 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

Can I edit my archived posts?
Like… If I realize there is some info in an archived post that can give someone a clue as to who I am, can I go and edit that info out of the archived post.

If a post/thread is archived it can no longer be edited. Only active posts and threads can.

If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 16686   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Anywhere and everywhere
id 8831444
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 1:36 PM on Thursday, April 4th, 2024

How do you know when a post in JFO (or any other forum for that matter) is fake or is heavily leaning towards being fake?

Happens quite regularly. We have out tools and methods but I wont share them.

I tried the quote feature on the above but it’s not working for me on my phone.

I can totally understand you not sharing your methods as it would make it much easier for the idiots out there to troll.

Good job on the last one caught. I’ll admit after all these years I still get a little pissed off about this, but I should look at it as sage advice given by members that can be helpful for others who need it.

Thank you, mods, for all the awesome work you do! 😊

Me-58 FWH-60 Married 40 years 9/2/2023 grown daughters-40&36.14yo GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); 12yo GD & 7yo GD(DD36). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8905   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8832066
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gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 2:19 PM on Thursday, April 4th, 2024

Was the thread "I’m drowning" by JustCrushed deemed to be a fabrication (and therefore locked) ?

posts: 497   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8832071
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 2:39 PM on Thursday, April 4th, 2024

I don’t think it is correct to call that specific thread fabricated. You can have your opinion, but for now I suggest posters keep them to themselves.

I know I listed a series of events that happened at an unusual pace, but my issue was more that the poster didn’t seem to be looking for any advice or support on this site, but more just sharing his story with us.

Want to repeat my line from a previous post on this forum:

I guess the consensus is that it’s better to give the poster the benefit of doubt rather than close a resource on someone that might be in need.

What I can share as a GENERAL comment is that the danger of fictitious stories is that other users, dealing with real issues, might get the wrong picture of where they should be and what they

(edited to clarify an issue)

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:42 PM, Thursday, April 4th]

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 12761   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8832077
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InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 2:48 PM on Thursday, April 4th, 2024

What I can share as a GENERAL comment is that the danger of fictitious stories is that other users, dealing with real issues, might get the wrong picture of where they should be and what they

Seems really dangerous to thread jack the mod’s thread, but I’d just like to say how right Bigger is on this point. As someone who is slogging thru the muck of the real life of the consequences of infidelity, it’s hard to watch things like this unfold and hear all the comments about how amazing they are doing and how perfectly they are handling it. Makes a person wonder what is wrong with them and why they can’t be so decisive and put together.

So thank you Bigger and Mods for all your efforts to keep this an authentic and safe place for the terrible realities we are all dealing with.

People are more important than the relationships they are in.

posts: 2449   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2022
id 8832078
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gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 4:27 PM on Thursday, April 4th, 2024

my issue was more that the poster didn’t seem to be looking for any advice or support on this site, but more just sharing his story with us.

So…. the OP wasn’t asking for enough help so you locked his thread? It’s your board to do as you see fit obviously but, not that it matters to anyone, but I find that decision puzzling.

posts: 497   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8832102
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:46 PM on Thursday, April 4th, 2024

No question, but a sincere thank you for all that you do. The mods and guides and web master are so appreciated.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6241   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8832106
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NukeZombie ( member #83543) posted at 4:56 PM on Thursday, April 4th, 2024

I know I listed a series of events that happened at an unusual pace, but my issue was more that the poster didn’t seem to be looking for any advice or support on this site, but more just sharing his story with us.

But isn't there some intrinsic therapeutic value in sharing you story with others that have been in a similar situation? I mean even Spaceghost007 didn't really ask questions.... I guessed he initially asked why his WW would have an affair but that was it and its not like the posters on here could answer that question, only his WW could. Some stories are pretty over the top like the one quoted above with the camp property ...

I always just assumed if a moderator had doubts they sent an email to the poster with a number to call to talk directly to the moderator and if the poster refused to respond the jig was up.

I have a question... I know outside links must be approved. But do links of other SI threads need to be approved by mods before being posted?

posts: 83   ·   registered: Jun. 29th, 2023
id 8832108
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:42 PM on Friday, April 5th, 2024

I have a question... I know outside links must be approved. But do links of other SI threads need to be approved by mods before being posted?

References to threads on SI don't need an OK from the mods. (I assume you're talking about copying the URL of one thread into a post.) If you have a problem with copying a survivinginfidelity.com URL from SI into SI, please let the mods know.

I always just assumed if a moderator had doubts they sent an email to the poster with a number to call to talk directly to the moderator and if the poster refused to respond the jig was up.

Something like that happens. Too many disrespectful responses can also result in sanctions. smile

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30544   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8832366
Topic is Sleeping.
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