SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Title says it all. Please pray for me, her, our kids, and sanity to prevail.

Sending you all the sparkly good juju that I can muster, my friend.

I hope it's as painless as it can possibly be for both of you.

Hi ink,

I will continue to pray for you all. I am sorry. I am assuming she knows this too. You don’t strike me as someone who would tell us first.

You and yours have my prayers, Ink.

When I was seeing my lawyer about a PSA, one of my closest friends told me to either start attending a different church service or maybe driving a bit further to another church even, and I totally understood why she said that. She was thinking it would be awkward for me and for him (if he wanted to stay in that congregation after all he had done that most heard about in the local newspaper). It really helped me to follow her advice; it was amazing how it lifted that shame burden off of me, so I wouldn't need to worry about "what folks might say" and "whose side will they take" or "how can I face everyone." Turns out the church was a lot larger than I was seeing with my "wifey eyes." I found a new group of friends who spoke a different language, and they warmly accepted me as an adopted sister from a different culture. I sang in their choir, it just made it so much better. I never even left my formal church. God found me a space.

I will pray for the same for you all.

Please get the var, and protect yourself.

Praying for peace and happiness.

I’m sorry, InkHulk. You have truly done everything that you could. I hope you find some peace in your decision and in moving forward to a new phase.

Prayers for all of you sent. And hugs of strength and support.

More power to you! I've read your story as it unfolded. I feel so sorry what happen to you. It took awhile, but, you are finally moving on!

I am sorry Ink Hulk. I know you gave it your all to fight for your marriage. I am sorry for all that you and your children have endured.
I am sending you prayers of strength and peace. I hope all goes smoothly. Infidelity sucks.

I am assuming she knows this too. You don’t strike me as someone who would tell us first.

Yes, she was the first to know.

I am really not sure why I even said that. I think maybe for some reason it was kind of the finality if it sinking in.

[This message edited by hikingout at 11:03 PM, Thursday, March 21st]

Is she accepting of your decision?

I was once at work when the last of a string of bad things happened. I’ll leave details out but it included some deaths. I cried out at my desk when I read online about the last two deaths of people I knew in tragic circumstances, which is not my usual MO at all.

I spoke to my then boss soon after (best boss I’ve had). She noted how bad the world was.

I had the perspective to say that the world was the same, with good and bad things happening everywhere, that the good things seemed to be elsewhere right now, but that would change. My boss looked at me and said wow, that’s a great perspective.

It might take a bit, but the good things will return in some form for all of you.

Read the apocryphal parable of ‘Kafka and the doll’ if you haven’t. It might comfort you.

No one, nowhere could say you didn't try your hardest.
Stay strong.

Ink,

Just recently caught up with your story. You clearly did your utmost. Sending you prayers of comfort and strength!

Truly, an awful situation for you Ink, I am sorry.

My only recommendation is that as best you can, approach Divorce as a business transaction and keep emotions out. For a long time I was pretty sure I was going to do the same and I did tons of research on it. It’s easier said then done, but if you keep it strictly business it will be better for you and your family.

You will have doubts, you will question your decision, you will mourn and wonder if this is the real right decision. Only you can answer that, and I never cheer the end of a complete family, I only say these feelings are valid and do what is best for you no matter what.

Try to avoid being petty. If she wants the dish towels, just let her have them. There is no material thing that is worth the pain or expense of drawing out the process. It’s bad enough. Don’t assume "she would never", yes she would. I won’t say anything like she’s your enemy now, but advisory isn’t out of the question. Especially since you were asking about a VAR, I can assume that is for your own personal protection. It’s smart.

Remember lawyers get paid in like 20 minute blocks, save your emotional vomit for your therapist and friends. Lawyer is strictly business.

All the best IH, I am sorry it has come to this. It will get better. Keep loving your kids strongly and don’t forget to give yourself grace. Godspeed

So sorry it has come to this after all of your work, patience, and compassion. But I'm so glad you will be out of infidelity.

Prayers going up for you and all of your family for strength and comfort and healing.

Oh wow Ink. I've followed your story. You did everything you could and then some.

Sending all the good vibes your way.

I am so very sorry for all involved, but especially you and the kids. Divorce may not be as painful as infidelity, but it comes with its own pain even when it’s the right path. Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for all the kind messages and prayers. Given the high emotions and that she is likely to look in here given the situation, I’m not going to be saying a ton right now. I promise I’ll be reading.

I'm sorry, too, InkHulk. I know I was never a viable candidate for President of the Mrs. InkHulk Fan Club, but I really was holding out hope on your behalf that she would at least be motivated enough by her own self interest to do whatever she could to repair your marriage. Goodness knows she was given every opportunity.