SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's almost the 10th anniversary of D-day. We had a new D-day of sorts in November when I found him on Reddit once again trying to talk to amateur pornographers. I went back to the well today and was searching his old activities. I found evidence that he'd had other inappropriate contact with women before his A. I've specifically asked him about this many times and he has sworn up and down there was nothing else. But there was. What else is there? I don't know, I can't know. And I can't trust him to tell me the truth.

Why can't he just be a decent person?

Do I confront? Do I just give up? I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm sick -- got a positive covid diagnosis. That also plays into my mindset. I was so sick back in 2014 when D-day happened. The parallels just kill me. Some positive some negative.

March 7, 2014: going through a horrible work project, got sick as a dog, WH didn't care. I was home sick on the Friday before D-day, texted WH that I was going to the drug store and he never bothered to check in on me. Later I found out he was texting AP the whole time and then got himself a milkshake on the way home.

March 7, 2024: going through a horrible work project, got sick as a dog, WH DOES care. On his own, he stopped after his PT appointment and brought me medicine and a chocolate treat.

I can see differences in him. I just need the truth.

It sounds like he still doesn't value honesty for its own sake and he is still attempting to have As (from the November discovery).

My STBXH did all the stuff you describe when I was sick plus more. He's run out and get me anything I wanted. He also randomly brought me gifts, met me at my car when I came home, and said ILY every day. He also had a 1+ year long A while doing all those things.

I was sick last week and you know who brought me medication and food? Doordash. The Dasher also managed to do that without lying, exposing me to STIs, and blowing up my life. So, I gotta said Doordash is a step up from my STBXH.

Hmmm. I want you to know, sadie, just how difficult it was for me not to crack a joke about trying to get the truth from a redditor.

It sucks you triggered today. It's good that you're in a much better place than you were 10 years ago.

It sucks that you and I have a reason to be on this website. It's good that I got to meet you and force really bad fart jokes upon you for the better part on ten years.

Today is just another day. You'll get through it even if you're feeling like crap from COVID, right now.

If it'll help you get better faster, I'll dangle the shit outta some new fart jokes saved just for you.

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 8:44 PM, Thursday, March 7th]

You don't need to confront. He's a liar. He's going to lie.

You need to decide if you can live with a man who has put you through false R for a decade. A man who continues to lie.

So you want to confront… and then do what?

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 10:07 PM, Thursday, March 7th]

That's just it. And do what?

All of his activities were on his phone. He was on literotica and had an OA with one of the amateur porn posters there. They never met, but sexted, Skype, and talked on the phone for a year and were in love. His A was discovered in 2014.

He swore he never spoke to anyone else there. I went down the rabbit hole and found a message from 2009 where he told another woman (pornographer) to "keep in touch. You have my email"

So yes, confront with what and do what? It's not new, just new to me. I'm not going to end my marriage over that, but it sure as hell stings.

He's restarting therapy. I've seen that proof myself. He says he's rededicating himself to becoming a person of good character. I'm giving him another chance. It's what I do.

[This message edited by SadieMae at 2:10 AM, Friday, March 8th]

He has witnessed the pain from your discoveries before and yet he continues to lie to you, even if it’s "just" by omission. What do you think will change after you confront him this time?

My concern is that if you confront him without taking any action or consequence yet again, he will come away believing that all he has to fear by lying is an annoying tongue lashing.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 12:53 AM, Friday, March 8th]