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How would you know if your WS is still in the "affair fog"?

As far as I know, WH has NC with the OW since Dday.

I believe there is such a thing as 'A fog', but I think it's best to ignore it, because I haven't found a way for a BS to exploit it.

I think each A has a natural course, unique to each A. If the BS puts pressure on at the right point, it may cause the WS to wake up and resolve to fix their dysfunctions. If the pressure comes too early or too late, it will cause the WS to stay in the fog. Gently, going NC is only part of the way out of the fog.

As a result of that guess/hypothesis, my reco is to figure out what you want and how long the BS will wait before forcing the WS into a choice.

If you want to R or even consider R, I think you have to follow your own path, because you can't change your WS and because you can't even predict how the WS will respond to any initiative - even if your version of taking initiative is to wait. (Remember: the Daoists say, 'In non-action, nothing will be left undone.')

Of course, some people deny the 'A fog' exists, which you'll soon see.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:56 PM, Thursday, December 7th]

Probably depends on how you define "affair fog."

For me it's the idea that those engaged in an affair have done the mental gymnastics to justify their actions. They've compartmentalized and/or convinced themselves that no one will get hurt or they deserve it or their spouse hates them or whatever other lie they tell themselves to keep guilt at bay. The basically warp reality or flat out deny it so they can continue doing as they please.

Hell read some of the things waywards say during an affair or at dday that are so crazy and outlandish - it's clear they have disconnected from reality.

So with that definition, the end of the "fog" would be 1000% accountability for their actions. 1000% acceptance of the consequences. 1000% all in on actions of amends (even if the amends include giving an uncomplicated divorce). Empathy is key too. Because that means they see clearly what harm they have done and feel it in their bones.

Disclaimer: if you're dealing with a person that is generally selfish, entitled and lacking empathy - well that's not fog created by self-delusion. That's just an asshole.

I think each A has a natural course, unique to each A. If the BS puts pressure on at the right point, it may cause the WS to wake up and resolve to fix their dysfunctions. If the pressure comes too early or too late, it will cause the WS to stay in the fog.

Others will certainly be along with to debate the existence of the fog, but I take issue with the idea that whether a WS dislodges their head from their ass is contingent on the BS. Some never will no matter what the BS does or doesn't do, or when they do it.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 11:01 PM, Thursday, December 7th]

For my scenario, it was an air of infatuation or puppy love, and he wasn't thinking clearly. After about 4 months, he seemed to snap out of it. But...he still wasn't able to do the work to be a safe partner and so we D'd because he didn't keep his hands to himself.