SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My daughter was getting her cast off today and I arrived at the appointment time. WS was not in the lobby so the front desk showed me to the room and WS/AP were sitting in there with my daughter.

I think it's EXTREMELY disrespectful of WS AND AP to have him in our daughter's medical appointments. WS and I are getting a divorce, but he's no relation to my daughter and even if he becomes her step-dad, he has ZERO say in my daughter's upbringing, by the court order.

I want to tell WS that AP has no place being the rooms when our daughter has an appointment. She may have had an affair, but I am my daughter's father, I will ALWAYS be her dad, and I am NOT being replaced...ever.

AP can wait in the waiting room. He's NOT family. I think it's also confusing for our daughter...WS and AP are pushing this on my daughter and the whole situation was unhealthy from the start. WS had an emotional affair, lied about what was going on between us to friends/family and the truth finally came out. I think WS and AP still think they didn't do anything wrong and it blows my mind.

Am I wrong in thinking AP has no place in my daughter's medical appointments? Seriously, WTF is wrong with my WS? Who does something like this and thinks it's ok?

[This message edited by wildstar at 12:07 AM, Saturday, March 18th]

Speak to your attorney. The judge can order both of you not to introduce new partners into the situation for 6months post separation.

She already moved in with AP and has started a relationship with him. Divorce decree is already signed and in motion.

She's not a good person. I brought up the point about how it wasn't right to move in with a new partner so fast and she literally did the 'lalalala' thing and ignored me.

My lawyer didn't bring up anything about the introducing new partners thing. I wish it had gone to court because I would have pushed it. BUT the AP was a 'friend' that she had already been introducing/grooming our step kids/daughter towards for a year.
She told everyone we were having problems for a long time and that I was 'emotionally neglecting' her. She failed to mention the 'neglect' was because she was having the emotional affair. AND that I had been trying to set boundaries, asking them to stop, etc.

I just want to somehow say that the AP does NOT need to be in our daughter's medical appointments in a way that is firm, but respectful and in line with my daughter's best interest. Because I'm tired of my WS bringing the AP to EVERYTHING and neither one of them have any respect for other people's boundaries, or shit...even common human decency. But I don't know what I expect from them. They don't care about anyone but themselves.

So sorry this happened. How awful and your daughter probably didn't know how to deal with it, either. She has the right to day no. It may be an instance where you can teach her that no is a complete sentence and how to set good boundaries.

I learned that when I told xws I didn’t like something, the OW and XH went overboard to specifically continually do it. Sigh.

You could email your att and ask him/her about this situation. They will know what can/cannot be done about it in your state.

My son had a wreck and the OW showed up at my work to tell me, then came to the ER.

ff 6 years, My xh and ow fight/drink so much that they did not show up at hospital when my son broke his arm and had a head injury in a mountain bike accident.

Just keep being the stable one.

Some people are just heartless. Ws abusing children is worse than the abuse we face from them

I would also keep an eye on that man, cheaters, being immoral, might not be good parents like we bs. so imagine the freaks and weirdos she'll bring around your children

[This message edited by Dontgetit4 at 8:54 AM, Monday, March 20th]

This sucks. I hate when people have to flaunt their relationship. Its unnecessary and Im afraid I agree with the comment that sometimes when they know something bothers you they do it more.

Im going to say something unpopular, but I did it with my first WH, it is ok to divide parenting responsibilities. Especially if things are emotionally charged. When non urgent medical appointments fall on your time you take her, on WS time WS spouse takes her. 3 adults do not need to be present to have a cast removed and your daughter will be no worse for the wear for this. My ex and I live hours apart. I have no family where I live so if he attended a sporting event I let him have the day and used the time for myself. It also eliminates all the headache of kids having to talk to each parent equally, or split time between intermission etc. This way when Dad goes he gets what I call the true "parenting experience". He is responsible for getting her there, stopping to get her a drink, argue with our 11 year old at every tournament about why she cant spend $$$ buying merch. He gets to enjoy the logistical nightmare of sitting in the heat and carrying around all her crap from field to field, figuring out where they play nexr bc if Im there he gets to just kick back and be a Disney dad. I don’t play that shit. These MF need to experience the weight of their choices.

See Id go a step further and say your happy AP wants to take on a parenting role and to make AP feel welcome you were hoping you could split the insurance 3 ways next month. That way AP can really be a part of our new family…

I agree with shewp. I'd to follow the agreement's your time/her time as closely as you can. I doubt there's going to be a win here for you on this one. I suspect that WS/AP are doing this specifically to wind you up. I'd doubt AP really wants to spend an hour or two waiting for a routine medical appointment. If you do end up sharing space like a medical appts, sporting events, school events, practice your gray rock. Try not to give your stbxw the ego kibbles from knowing she's getting to you. She'll only stop playing games when she's not getting something out of it.

[This message edited by grubs at 8:09 PM, Monday, March 20th]

I know NOTHING about this guy. And I don't trust my WS judgement. She ran away to another state when she was a minor to meet a not good guy. Her mom/sister had to chase her down and get police involved. She's been punched in the face, stalked, and lots of other not good things relationship wise. I didn't know all this until after we were married.

I honestly think she used me when I was vulnerable (and she knew I was vulnerable) to get out of the living situation with her parents after she moved back in with them after her first divorce. I am a good person, and I was a good husband/father.

I know there's a lot I can't do about my daughter being at my WS' house with the AP. I'm trying to be they grey rock when around them, I've stood up for some things (AP interfering with me doing parenting stuff, I told him that was not his business and when it came to co-parenting my daughter he was not to get involved) Court document states that how my daughter is raised is between WS and me.

I don't like AP for so many reasons. He's creepy looking, he's creepy period. WS 'groomed' my daughter to like this guy by introducing them over webcam as her 'friend' and then her 'best friend' as things progressed, AP would show DD his pet cats and WS encouraged it. All over video chat since AP lived in another state. Looking back I should have been more diligent about protecting DD, but I trusted WS...I didn't think she would ever do this. It's in my other story, but WS working on me to get me out of the house, and then planning to move AP in (I know it was her plan, even though she said it wasn't, WS lied about SO much. And I caught her in SO many lies.) Then when WS couldn't afford our house payment, she IMMEDIATELY moved in with AP. TWO weeks after I said I was filing for divorce. When I said that wasn't healthy for DD, WS basically 'la la la la-d' and didn't want to hear it.

Is there a legal way to do a background check on AP? I care about DD more than anything, and it's obvious WS's judgement is non-existent.

Is there a legal way to do a background check on AP? I care about DD more than anything, and it's obvious WS's judgement is non-existent.

Your lawyer can run one.

Regarding the medical appointments, you might be able to restrict his presence at those by talking to the doctor. HIPPA laws are very strict, and if he is not related to her, he has no right to know her medical history. That would take this issue off of your plate but still eliminate having to endure him at appointments.

As a lawyer I will say had a client asked me to "run a background" check on someone I would be a bit mystified aside from public records searches and some stuff I can look up on LEXIS. As a lawyer we don't generally have access to all legal records etc. If you are serious I would talk to a PI - a lot of them are ex-law enforcement and they are able to do things that I cannot (or don't know) how to do.

You can do it online. There are websites like Spokeo that charge a small fee for a single report.

[This message edited by leafields at 8:08 PM, Saturday, March 25th]