It is unfortunate that you confronted him "very gently," and immediately offered reconciliation,and even took some of the blame for his actions.
First..no. Not your fault in any way. He had a hundred other options if he wasn't sexually happy with you, options that didn't involve affairs. Options that didn't risk your life.
He thinks you aren't going anywhere. He knows you think he's the prize,so you won't really hand down any consequences.
He also didn't end it yesterday. After a year and a half, one text and he's done? No. He will use another phone, and he will take this underground. He will just be more careful.
So what do you do? Get angry. Tell him you are the loving,faithful partner,and YOU are the prize he must earn if he wants you to consider attempting reconciliation.
No couples counseling. The relationship didn't cheat. He did. And he's a serial cheater,at that. He needs therapy,and lots of it,before he is a safe partner.
What requirements? At minimum..
Full transparency. You get full access to everything,all accounts, the phone,and passwords to all.
He is 100% accountable for his time away from you. He must prove he is where he says..he can do this in a number of ways.
A full panel of std tests..you too.
He calls OW in front of you,and says no more contact,he does this immediately.
He answers all of your questions without anger or defensiveness, and doesn't blame you.
He gets into therapy. Alone.
He drops all friends who knew of his affairs. They aren't friends of the relationship.
He gets rid of any gifts she gave him.
He understands this is a very long process. You will never fully trust him again. Healing takes 3 to 5 years and that's with a remorseful WS, who has given you the entire truth,and is doing the work.
This is just a start.
All you should be doing..
Std tests. No sex until you see his results from the doctor.
Finding a good polygraph administrator, and schedule a test. You must have the truth before you continue, and cheaters never tell you everything when confronted. Never. He's still lying,about the extent of this affair, and you know it.
Eat,drink,rest. Be kind to yourself.
This is not your fault. You can not fix this.
Watch his actions. Forget his words. He needs to do more than love bomb,and housework. These things are nice,but won't fix the problem within him that said cheating was ok.
Call her husband. He deserves the truth. Don't tell your WS. At all. He's supposed to have NC with her,so if he comes to you with knowledge that you called her husband, you know he's still in contact,and the affair has continued.
Is there hope? With a serial cheater, it's not likely. It's also not impossible. It all depends on him.
Do not share this site with him.
He may be great is many areas, but he's also an abuser. Infidelity is a form of abuse.
[This message edited by HellFire at 5:30 PM, Saturday, October 15th]