SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Two years ago today I walked away from an abusive unrepentant cheating husband. I do not for one second regret this today. It was the hardest most heartbreaking thing I have ever done...I caught him back talking with his ap and the affair flying monkeys and cheerleaders and I was DONE.

Despite his best efforts to destroy me, so far I am living my best life ever. I am no longer an anxious gaslit lied to yelled at until he spit on me mess. And it feels great.

Also a big shout out to his aps. Thank you for being with him so I dont have to be!!! You give me the best gift ever. Freedom from any sort of attachment to a man who lied to me for decades and risked my health and life.

Btw if your ws told you the reason they cheated was you...chances are it isn't.

Never settle. Never give up!!

👏

Btw if your ws told you the reason they cheated was you...chances are it isn't.

So true!!

Thank goodness you got away! Now you're free to be happy!

Congratulations!!

I understand your perspective... I've had very similar thoughts for the past 30 months or so.

I am no longer an anxious gaslit lied to yelled at until he spit on me mess.

I actually still have this problem, but I am working on it. I will go out and do something fun for myself (like fishing for 2-3 hours), but then start panicking because I assume that GF will yell at me when I get home (because this is what xWW would do).

So happy for you shehawk. Amazing what you have survived! And life is better than ever!

, but then start panicking because I assume that GF will yell at me when I get home (because this is what xWW would do).

This is a hard thing to unlearn. I feel like I am mostly there. But those ghosts do rear their ugly heads sometimes, and I'm always surprised when it takes me a little bit to text someone back, and they DON'T get angry (for example).

For those who are afraid to walk away, I really wanted to emphasize that I walked away while seriously physically ill and I somehow managed to survive.

I am not going to say it doesn't hurt. It does. There is a part of me that will always carry the scars from the betrayal.

But when I left my non negotiable needs were were so low (sex only within the marriage; don't scream at me; don't lie as starting points). I am working on forgiving myself for the fact I allowed someone to knock me that low. Beyond once it was not really the blindside. It was me turning my back so they could bury the knife.

Thanks to everyone who weighed in.

You are all SI warriors.

Shehawk

Btw if your ws told you the reason they cheated was you...chances are it isn't.

Not chances are it isn't but rather just it isn't.

If your ws told you the reason they cheated was you this is nothing more than an excuse used to try to justify their actions and assuage their guilt.

Again, what your ws, and every other ws, did was because they chose to cheat not because of anything anyone else did or didn't do.

If this is something still in your mind know that he was going to cheat and lie no matter what you would have done to try to prevent it.

I am working on forgiving myself for the fact I allowed someone to knock me that low

You are stronger than you know. Many times it is only when you recognize you have hit rock bottom that you realize how long and slow the descent truly was.

There is a part of me that will always carry the scars from the betrayal

This is okay. The neat things about scars is once the wound is healed the scars remind you where you've been and the scar tissue is tougher that the tissue around it.

Also a big shout out to his aps. Thank you for being with him so I dont have to be!!! You give me the best gift ever. Freedom from any sort of attachment to a man who lied to me for decades and risked my health and life.

I count my blessings for AP taking over my burden to this day. After AP & exWW married, AP's brother asked if WW had caused isolation & drama between me and my family in our marriage. I literally LOL'd hearing that as exWW doesn't share well with others.

SheHawk,

Thank you so much for posting from the other side. These kinds of updates give me the strength to keep going.

Congratulations!!!!

Living well is the best revenge. It will be 7yrs next month for me and I still get triggers out of the blue. But now the difference is that I KNOW they are just triggers and have learned to ride them out with copious amounts of icecream.

Btw if your ws told you the reason they cheated was you...chances are it isn't.

Such a cliche! They cheat because we are oh so horrible to them. Cheaters do live in cuckoo land

I am not going to say it doesn't hurt. It does. There is a part of me that will always carry the scars from the betrayal.

Every scar should remind us of how far we have come, from being a constant mess who can’t see a way out to living an abuse-free, purposeful life, where triggers might temporarily slow us down but do not ultimately deter us from moving upwards.

[This message edited by Karmafan at 10:23 AM, February 28th (Sunday)]

Karmafan

The name alone made me smile. I bet you are a sparkling unicorn warrior irl (in real life).

A friend reminded me that rhinos are chubby unicorns so maybe that is my new post surviving infidelity animal. A chubby unicorn with a tough hide and an attitude!

Everyone's posts make my day !!