NotMyIdentity ( new member #87565) posted at 10:35 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2026
Amy44,
First, I just wanted to say that reading your post, I can really hear how much pain you and your husband have been through. I truly feel for both of you. One of the hardest parts of what I’ve done is knowing the pain I caused my husband and that he may never see or love me the same way again.
I may be reading too much into it, but I wondered if your comment about "self-congratulatory" posts was connected to my post. If so, I’d genuinely be happy to talk more about it. I know we see identity differently, and I appreciate respectful conversations with people who have different perspectives. We can continue on my original post, or if you’d rather chat one-on-one, I’d be happy to once I hit 51 and can send private messages.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:55 PM on Friday, July 24th, 2026
No one on this board would remain friends with someone you can't trust. We have asked this of our BS when we ask them to believe in the future and stay in the relationship.
1) It's possible to change from betrayer to good partner.
2) An honest request can be refused.
3) We choose what we do moment by moment. Others make of us what they/we will. I think that each of us has within themself a diverse set of partial and full personalities. I don't know what identity is, but I'm pretty sure it isn't just one of those personalities. A Buddhist explained to me that Karma is a result of everything within the person to whom the Karma belongs. That looks right to me.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
d-day - 12/22/2010 Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
