D-day April 4th 2024. WW was sexting with a married male coworker. Started R a week later, still ongoing...

So I contacted the obs

Thank you to the person who recommended I use truthfinders, that got me her email.

I sent a very generic email asking two simple questions which would verify whether or not I was in touch with the right person and she replied yes so I told her everything I knew about the sexting and timeline. I apologized for not telling her sooner, saying I had no right to decide what she gets to know and not know about her marriage

She said she was floored but he has done this in the past. She did thank me for letting her know and she did say she does not blame me for not reaching out sooner

I told her that I discovered the affair at the beginning of April and she said she was having surgery in April to rule out breast cancer. So while he was exchanging sext messages with my wife his wife was wondering whether or not she has breast cancer.

I gave her the phone number he was using and it turns out it is his police department issued phone. Wish I could file a FOIA for the records...

She confronted him when he arrived home from work. He gave her a similar time line, said it was just texting, nothing physical, not that I would expect any other answer :/

Later in the evening I told my wife about my email conversation with the OBS and she became angry because I didn't discuss it with her prior to reaching out. She said "What if she comes to my work and makes a scene? Did you consider that? No, you had this planned out and never considered that could happen!"

I said "And had she looked thru his phone and found your texts?"

"That wouldn't happen" Huh, and you know this how?

She said had we discussed this I would have been prepared in case she did show up. I said in telling you know. Either way, if she is going to show up theb she is going to show up, regardless if we discussed it prior. She didn't like that retort

It is so hypocritical that my wife feels justified telling me I should have thought about HER and the ramifications of telling the OBS yet did not find it necessary to think about ME and the ramifications had i discovered her sexting fun :/

I told her about the OBS having breast cancer surgery the same month they were sexting and that hit home, hard. Finally my wife was seeing how deep an affair cuts.

She was very upset with herself for hours after, crying, saying she hates herself. She's still upset this morning

16 comments posted: Wednesday, September 18th, 2024

How did you find the obs?

I have decided to draft a letter informing his wife what has been going on between her husband and my wife but I'm having trouble finding where they live so I can have a letter delivered. I tried the usual records search in our county but all I can find is a house they sold about 4 years ago.

How did you find the OBS?

23 comments posted: Monday, September 16th, 2024

Wife said she is hurt and angry

Our 21st anniversary is coming up near the end of the month and I have no interest in celebrating it. I found out April 4th that my wife was sexting a married coworker 13 years my younger and of course one of the questions I asked was when did this start and so far her answer is still I don't know which I do not believe.

So it's possible they were communicating when our anniversary rolled around last year or it began shortly thereafter. Since they were communicating iPhone to iPhone the text messages did not go through Verizon so I have no way of finding out

A week ago my wife said it's important to me that we celebrate our anniversary this year and I bought you a gift. I said we have never exchanged gifts on our anniversary. She said it's something small but you will understand the meaning when you see it. So now I feel obligated to find a special gift for her even though I have no desire to do so

Last night we were talking and our anniversary came up. I told her my brain for some reason has connected our anniversary to the affair. She said we have 21 years of trials and tribulations and we should celebrate that.
Nothing else was said after that, we just laid there in silence for a while until she turned off the bedroom lights and went to sleep

At 5:00 a.m. when her alarm goes off she will usually curl up next to me for a little while before we have to get out of bed but this morning she just got out of bed and I could tell something was bothering her but I am done trying to coax conversation out of her so I said nothing

In the kitchen she said your words last night hurt me and made me angry so I need some time to calm down before we discuss it and I said okay. I have zero empathy for her. She made the decision to destroy our relationship so to me she gets to deal with the consequences

So far the reconciliation has been going well and AFAIK there has been no contact but does one ever really know the truth. She said the other day she was walking down the hall and he was talking to somebody and he took a step to the side so that his back was to her when she passed by.

He was informed via text message early on that there will be no contact and he needs to acknowledge that he understands I have copies of the text messages and that if he does not reply saying he understands and there will be no contact then he is gambling with his wife receiving copies of the text messages so maybe that is enough to keep him away. I only have copies of the text messages from the day I discovered the affair because my wife was smart enough, deceitful enough, to erase them before she left work each day. I found the messages on her tablet because my Spidey Sense was tingling

I feel no obligation to fake a happy anniversary celebration this year. Maybe next year I will feel differently if we're still together but my feelings are my feelings as hers are hers and she just has to accept that

34 comments posted: Friday, September 13th, 2024