crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:20 PM on Tuesday, May 26th, 2026
I also learned here about the zombie marriage that was possible, the one that would have me giving much less encouraging updates every ten years. I knew pretty much the whole time that that was to be avoided at all fucking costs.
That's what my M was headed for. I had become a zombie in my M 
I stayed waaaay too long but I guess needed that time to get strong enough to leave.
I am happy to read your update and am glad life is going so well for you!
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
InkHulk (original poster member #80400) posted at 2:07 PM on Wednesday, May 27th, 2026
He hits me up for advice now.
When I was binging Gottman content, I remember being struck by the principle that a healthy relationship involves mutual influence. That to say that your statement there feels to me like the ultimate state of parenting adults. I tip my hat to you, sir.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
InkHulk (original poster member #80400) posted at 2:12 PM on Wednesday, May 27th, 2026
Sounds like you are getting there. Every year will bring a new stage of healing until you are just living your life.
I wouldn’t be where I am without you, of that I have no doubt.
We plan for another year of nesting. It’s gone well enough that I’m glad to have done it for the kids. But it remains a connection to an old life. We shall see what the next few years bring, I’m hopeful.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
InkHulk (original poster member #80400) posted at 2:32 AM on Monday, June 1st, 2026
My son graduated high school this year. We threw the customary shindig to celebrate. It put me in the house with her for pretty much a full day. There were plenty of other people around (including her new boyfriend) to insulate, but still it was uncomfortable and weird. To feel the anxious energy field that she throws off again after being free from it for so long. To watch her new beau try to placate her in ways that I recognized were my old duties. It was odd. And then to come to the end of it, things cleaned up and ready to part ways again. I thanked her for her efforts. She very distinctly refused to reciprocate. Typical, but still disappointing.
I’m not triggered, she has no hooks in me anymore to impact me. Probably just contemplating that I’ve got life long ties with her because of the kids that I wish I didn’t. And that makes me kind of sad.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 2:41 AM on Monday, June 1st, 2026
IH-
Sad today, but I imagine the high road you took today will be the one you take every time you have to deal with her.
Truth is self-evident.
Even if she doesn’t admit things, or reciprocate a kindness in the business as usual attitude, she still KNOWS you took that high road. You did with protecting your kids, with protecting you and again, even being nice when you didn’t have to be.
Hopefully, the good days ahead will eventually triumph over the co-parenting long haul, with you taking that high road right around her.
Married 36+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived.
M Restored
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca
