SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry for my many threads here lately, it is all A LOT right now.

For context, I've asked my WS to move out after Christmas, said he can stay here until he finds a place, etc.

I genuinely feel like I am going crazy the last week or so? I just cannot seem to control my emotions or my nervous system or anything. I feel like my brain is just in panic mode 24/7 and I don't know what to do. I am flipping at WS over every tiny little thing. He is not helping by still putting me in situations that would cause me to panic, like a work Christmas party and another night out with friends where he stayed at a friends so he's been out all night. Just found out he stayed at a female friend's house, not the male friend's house like he had told me beforehand. I know this female friend, they have been friends for so long, I don't really think anything happened. But I lost my mind. Shouting, crying, everything. 0 to 100 in a second.

I seem to be having these huge reactions to things that in a normal relationship, I would not have an issue with. I mean, we don't actually have a relationship anymore do we so why does it even matter?

I've got to the point where I feel like I need to be away from him because my brain just can't handle being around him.
Is this normal? Have I gone crazy? Will it get better when he moves out?

I'm sick of myself at this point, I don't want to be like this anymore.

First I am sorry you are here at SI but please know you will receive tremendous support from the people here.

Second your anger, frustration and rage are completely understandable and justified. Your H just lied to you about where he was staying. (And I’m not certain that "nothing happened").

He’s cheated and continues to act like it’s "no big deal" and he appears to want to continue his very active social life without any consequences. He appears to be very callous and cold towards understanding your feelings.

If you have requested he leave and you temporarily separate, it appears as though he is taking this as "I’m free and singje" and is living as though he’s free to date other people.

Plus he continues to lie and disrespect you. No wonder you are angry and upset. To be expected.

Are you seeing a professional counselor? If not, I recommend finding someone who is experienced in infidelity and betrayal trauma. It can help you tremendously.

I hope this helps you.

Thank you The1stWife.
I’m not in IC right now, but plan to make it a priority in the new year.

I’ve just had another bombshell dropped on me this morning, another confession. Not cheating, not alcohol, but our old friend drug addiction. I really thought we were over that, it’s been years. The reason he’s been so desperate to work away, to have nights out, to not come home after.
The woman he stayed with last night (who I am also friendly with but they’ve been friends for over a decade), messaged me to tell me he had spent the whole night spiralling and was trying to overdose basically and wasn’t safe to drive anywhere and was also terrified to come home.

So now we have a new problem to solve. I’ve actually never seen him this bad, he is honestly broken.

We sat with his mother and came up with a plan to help him get clean. I made sure to make a point of saying that while I will be here to help and support him as the father of my children, I am not saying he can now stay forever, but while he’s getting back on his feet, and only if he follows a whole list of ‘rules’. He’s on the phone right now quitting his away job. He’s confessed to our oldest son (the other two are too young) and apologised profusely (to all of us) and detailed how he plans on getting better. We’ve found a rehab programme for after the holidays, his mother will be in charge of finances, he’ll not leave the house alone apart from to go to work, he’ll do drug tests every other day, I have open access too all devices, he’ll share his location while at work, he’s deleting social media and changing his number, he’s contacting the friends he’s been doing it with and telling them he can’t see or speak to them anymore, he’s going to find a therapist specialising in addiction and childhood trauma. He’s agreed to all of it has apologised non stop. I don’t know how I didn’t notice, but I guess I haven’t really been paying that much attention lately.

While I have a lot of built up resentment for everything and I’m not willing to take on too much of the burden of this right now, I’ve given him three months to stay at mine while he gets himself sorted, and then we’ll take it from there I guess.

It's so peaceful when they are gone. No more triggers you can finally start to heal. It's because you are around the perpetrator. That's how it was for me including our 1 year IHS which was complete hell on earth. Life became amazing when I left. I rediscovered who I am, no more ups and downs, I went to therapy, surrounded myself with friends. I am living life to the fullest now without that anchor.

Also no contact is your friend. I found that whenever he was in contact with me it would trigger me again.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:28 PM, Tuesday, December 24th]

Those feelings are normal.

I'm so sorry that he's putting you through this. The way you're feeling is a normal response to the trauma of relationship betrayal. You're not crazy. You need help from a professional knowledgeable in relationship trauma and addiction.

The addiction makes it so tough. I don't know if an addict can ever be a safe partner. A relationship with an addict is like juggling knives. You're a saint to allow him to stay for now but you should be absolutely clear of the consequences if he violates boundaries.

Best wishes to you.