SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

hikingout, thank you for your perspective, it helps a lot.

woundedbear, thank you, that makes sense. I feel like he said it a lot after DD, but they were just empty words to hope that I stayed. I too am looking for actions more than words. Thanks for your reply!

Saltishealing, thank you. I feel the same way. I wonder if this will get better or worse. Your situation sounds very similar to mine with H being not so nice for a few years before DD. And as to how you feel now. Same boat, youngest in college and I feel like I’m stuck until he graduates…. Unless something changes.

And now I’m struggling to buy him a Christmas gift. I just don’t like the holidays much anymore. Thanks for replying!

[This message edited by Possumlover at 2:38 PM, Wednesday, December 11th]

Oldwounds, I’m glad to hear about your situation, gives me hope. Thanks for replying.

Nope, but I would if I did.

After d-day 1 I would say it all the time - as in "I love you. How the f___ could you have done this?" So honestly it was like a weapon almost - the ultimate betrayal because, you know, I loved him. We were not huge ILY sayers - we did moreso when our relationship was long distance like at the end of the call. Now, I say it but it's rare. He doesn't much either, but again it wasn't something that was said all of the time anyway so I don't really notice a difference.

Just like TISL mentioned above, my WH and I were never, ever a big "mushy" couple to begin with. No gazing into each others eyes, minimal hand holding, zero cuddling … it was extremely rare for us to verbally say ILY (ILY’s were pretty much only words we exchanged in cards). Now, my WH says ILY to me at least once everyday, even though I don’t reciprocate it back. I ignore him and make snarky looks when he says it, but secretly I appreciate that he does offer me that type of "reassurance" - it does make me feel loved, wanted, appreciated and that he genuinely cares and is a remorseful WS. I’m hoping one day I can say it back (maybe even make it a daily thing) and actually mean it. Right now I’m not there and I’m ok with that.

WhoRYouNOW, Right! That is what I am trying to figure out. I’m not saying it, so maybe I don’t love him like that anymore.

ThisIsSoLonely & Heartbrokenwife23, yes, we weren’t that mushy couple either. But now he’s all over me. Holding hands in the car! We’ve never done that. I know it’s his way of continually saying sorry, but it also feels like it’s just too much. Thanks for replying. And, yes, Heartbrokenwife23, I agree, it is nice to have that type of reassurance, but sheesh, I think I’ve had enough of that over-the-top cuddleness.