I think I became so numb and in shock that I had been put through False R for 2 more years thinking we were reconciling that I completely shut down. My feelings never came back for xWS and I had no desire to save the M at that point. I actually became more toxic to my xWS after that. I just didn't care.
This is the part of the post-affair-landscape I really didn't realize would happen. After d-day 1, had WH still continue to be the fuckwit that he was, minus the continuance of the A (the moods, the defensiveness, all of it) I think I could have retained those feelings I had for him...the desire, the interest, all of it. Post d-day 2, after having a year of false-R/underground affair continuance it really did change my feelings for him. And I think that is all part of why after d-day 2 I felt worse, but it did not last like after d-day 1 - I KNEW I could not stay with him anymore as clearly he had no interest in refraining from kicking the shit out of me with his lies and BS. At that point I also did not care about offending him - the kid-gloves were off and I said some very heartfelt and nasty things and I could not be bothered with worrying about what he thought about them.
So now, after he's been in IC for 4 years, and over 5 years from d-day1 he really is so much different in the best of ways. Basically had he done this after d-day 1, stopped the A, and even with a year or two of him being a general ass and dragging his feet about working on himself, I think my feelings for him would be very different than they are now. Now, in our current dating scenario, it's okay.
I think false-R does this to a lot of BS....and the warning to WS who are thinking that they will get chance after chance after chance to continue with their behavior and still have a marriage to come back to:
Pre-a or even pre-d-day2, I did not want to think about my life without him in it - I would have "fought like hell" to keep our relationship/marriage. Now, even though he really is a much better partner than the guy I met, I enjoy our time together but life without him in it - And I can imagine it without much effort or sadness. I would be sad, and I would miss him, but I'd be okay. Like okay for sure.
[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 5:10 PM, Thursday, October 10th]
You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.
Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts
