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You'll go with it. You'll apologize. Stop bringing it up. Agree he didn't say what you know he said. You'll go with it. You will accept the abuse.

IC is an excellent idea. He won't allow it. Abusers don't like their victims to seek help. They don't want a professional to hear about their actions. They don't want their victims to heal,or get stronger. He doesn't believe you should have an extra dime,so he won't pay for it. He won't watch the kids while you go. He will get angry about it. And you'll go along with it.

I have some training in dealing with domestic abuse...

It’s very hard to break out of. I get that. I get your fears and indecisiveness. In fact, it’s a clear indication that he is being abusive, and a sign that it’s working... I don’t think trying to bully or goad you to action will work. But maybe a fear for something even worse than you have at present, as well as a path forward might...

The isolation you experience – classic for those that use domestic abuse. It’s not intentional, its not as if they have a guidebook. But he will isolate you, break your self-confidence, belittle you, disrespect you and control you with what tools he has – finances, comments about looks, controlling conversations...
Your kids? They will grow up seeing this. Research strongly suggests children model their future relationships on what they see at home. That can go both ways though... they can create or enter abusive relationships based on total disrespect, or they can go the exact opposite. At the cost and risk of them at best pitying their abused mom, constantly wondering why she didn’t leave and trying to find ways for her to meet the grandkids without the overbearing bully granddad...

I want to make one suggestion, and I so sincerely hope you can gather the strength to follow this suggestion:
Your country is bound to have some women’s rights, support or domestic abuse help-center. Probably a hot-line or number you can call.
We tend to see these places are some last chance for physically battered and beaten women dealing with manic and alcoholic abusive men. We envision crying babies and black eyes.
Well... They do offer shelter for these people, but they also offer a LOT of advice and guidance to women in all sorts of abusive relationships. Including relationships like I think you are stuck in. I strongly suggest you phone one of these places and ask for guidance. Chances are they have counselors, legal advice, financial plans and other resources.

With help – your husband can change. There is no predetermined conclusion that you divorce. But with professional guidance YOU can reach the emotional strength where you realize that YOU might want out if he isn’t willing to switch roles from master to partner.

Please – call a domestic abuse helpline.

I'm writing again because like Bigger, I see you as abused, and I know it's hard to get out of. If family were close and supportive, you could go to them, but they're not available. So my reco is the same as his:

Call a domestic abuse hotline, for the sake of yourself and your kids.

Sounds like abuse to me. There should never be his money or my money in a marriage partnership. My wife and I do this practice. She has been very successful in her career. Just the other day I told her that her 401k surpassed 1.5 million dollars. She corrected me and said "OUR" 401k.