SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

D day 2 maybe even 3. At this point I shouldn’t be surprised but it still cuts like a knife. I caught him this time and l’m out of town for my daughter and I haven’t talked him but he knows I know and hasn’t even reached out. He is a Narcissist and I’m trauma bonded to him, he’s been treating me horribly for the past 21 years but more so the past 6 months because he’s cheating again. I feel so broken, alone and in pain. It’s actually turned into physical pain where I can’t eat and I feel nauseous. Where do I even begin the divorce process?

Come over the D/S forum; you'll get lots of good advice on how to start the process.

But as for dealing with your husband right now, I don't know how/if you've confronted, but there's no point to hashing anything out with him or showing your evidence. You know he's cheating. He knows you know he's cheating. Don't subject yourself to his lies or manipulation; don't make any demands of him. Just do what you need to do to rid yourself of him.

I’m trauma bonded to him....
.....I feel so broken, alone and in pain.

It is good that you realize your emotional dependence on him. If you are not doing so already, start with getting yourself some IC to help you identify coping mechanisms that work for you. IE things you can do when your instinct is to go to him.

You need to make yourself your first priority (resting-even if you are unable to sleep, eating-light things until you are able to tolerate food better, HYDRATE, etc). The basics. You are in survival mode right now. Once you get that under control, you can add some activity (little walk-fresh air, etc)

For me, once I knew I was finally done [with the m] it was not instant. I needed to take some time to get my ducks in a row. I started putting away some money, I identified all our assets/liabilities. I had print-outs from each account, etc.

I made an appointment for a legal consultation. Their office also gave me a list of things to bring along (ie like the above outline of debts, etc).

First thing the attorney did was told me to get items out of the house that were not replaceable. I don't mean hiding assets. It is items that if your spouse did get vengeful, you could not replace. In my case, it was my grandmother's engagement ring.

Where do I even begin the divorce process?

The support here is tremendous. Use it. Even if you do not post, read-read-read. No matter what stage you are at or what path you take, there are pioneers here with unlimited wisdom.

You are not alone.

So sorry you are back. I hope that you can put yourself forward and extract yourself from his toxic gravitational pull.

I agree that there is no need to confront. You know. He knows. No need to hash it out.
Make appointments with a few lawyers for consultations. This will give you the KNOWLEDGE of what to do, and that will empower you. The fear of the unknown takes your power, knowledge is power.
Are you in IC? That will help you with your resolve.

How old are your kids? I found once I told some people— family, close friends - they helped me stay the course. Just saying it out loud compelled me to finish what I knew I needed to do.

Take care of yourself. Protein shakes are good when you can’t eat. Drink lots of water. See your doctor if the anxiety or inability to sleep are impacting you. And get STD tested as soon as you can.

Hang in there. The S/D forum is a great place for support, too.