SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Seriously, WTF. BTW gentlemen it may get graphic so you can bow out if things like periods make you squeamish.

How come nobody warns you about some of the crazy symptoms? I mean, we've all seen the jokes about hot flashes. But I'm talking about all the other shit that catches you off guard. For example, cholesterol levels increasing. Who TF knew because I didn't. I've always had excellent cholesterol and lipid panels. I eat a ton of non starchy vegetables, to include leafy greens. Most of my protein sources are plant based. I don't eat processed foods of any kind. Almost everything I put in my body I make so I know exactly what goes in it. I'm diabetic so I'm careful about carbohydrates, both what type and how much...also when. And the exhaustion and insomnia. FML. I absolutely LOVE no more periods because with fibroids, PCOS, AND endometriosis I bled like a stuck pig and sometimes gushed for weeks or months at a time. However, I skipped perimenopause and went straight to menopause or at least it seems like it. A year ago my FSH was in normal range. Just one year ago. When I went back for this years check up, I complained about the insomnia, struggling to keep weight off, and then saw my lipid panels...I about shit a brick. Yep, FSH was high, I'm no longer ovulating.

Why didn't anyone talk to me about this shit? Hell, not even my doctor did until she was explaining why my lipids are crap. They're not dangerous bad but for someone who had such excellent levels almost my entire life, it was a shock for sure.

I promptly called my two favorite girl cousins who are a little over a decade younger and had a thorough conversation warning them.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 5:57 AM, Tuesday, January 2nd]

Yup, weight gain is fun. So is the hot flashes and insomnia. And painful intercourse. And only being 40 means I have to work double time to convince my Dr that I'm not crazy, just an early starter. My mom was done by 45ish. Same with my aunts. Runs in the family- there's an "average" age to go for a reason- some of us go early and some of us go late. I'm enjoying relating to my girlfriends who are 10 years older than me on this. I still have my periods, but haven't ovulated the last 3- no signs. So... yeah, it's all jacked up. Cramps feel like giving birth to my kids and it's a war zone down there for a good 2 days. Used to have minimal cramps and light flows.

Luckily I see my OBGYN this week and hopefully can get some answers. I'm hoping to get some bio-identical hormone replacement. Getting testosterone is just as important as getting estrogen- I'm in the estrogen deficiency part of early perimenopause according to my symptoms. Ugh, it's like puberty all over again.

FYI- for those struggling with the lovely hormonal acne we get on this ride, I've found castor oil and tea tree oil mix to be an awesome face lotion. My skin has really improved its texture, moisture and fine lines on it. My H hates the smell, so I put it on in the mornings when he goes into work and doesn't need to be around me all day. I'm thinking of just using pure castor oil as my daily moisturizer when I'm not planning on being in the sun all day. Funny how all the old-school natural stuff really is best. People have been using castor oil for generations and you can get a bottle of the pure "internal consumption" grade stuff for cheap on Amazon. I have used it for the old constipation trick (hello menopause, I'm looking at you!) and... well... IT WORKS!! Be prepared if you know what I mean...

Anyhow, you're not alone on this boat. I've been doing a lot of youtubing of menopause specialists and learning as much as I can in my true nerd fashion. I'm sick of just hearing "you're too young" or "it's normal, we all go through it" and my favorite (from my mom's generation), "it's just the way life goes, better accept it!"

I am in perimenopause but did experience a few months of no period, no sleep and hot flashes, then my period came back with a bang. I too have had healthy cholesterol and blood pressure and both went up to scary levels that I am now on medication for. Good times!

I really just want my period to go away now

It sucks for sure.
The hot flashes and emotions were the worst for me. The anger out of no where was by far the craziest thing to deal with.
The weight gain loss of a waist and increase in lipids is just part of the lack of female hormones. I also have had to start a low dose BP med due to it being elevated after a lifetime of it being LOW.
I did HRT for a while and it helped. Then I just stopped and the hot flashes did not come back. It also helped with the insomnia.

Hang in there it does get better.

I had a complete hysterectomy in my thirties, I'm in my late fifties now.

I was on estrogen for several years but had to stop taking it when I was diagnosed high risk for breast cancer.

I have had hot flashes for NINE years. We keep our house at sixty one degrees in the winter because I can't stand being hot. Humid weather makes me feel ill.

I gained a few pounds around the middle despite eating less and better than I've ever eaten and exercising. I was skinny my whole life and able to eat whatever I wanted.

My cholesterol is now dangerously high. I have been to endocrinology, cardiology and am currently being followed by a lipid specialist. I asked all of them why my cholesterol spiked when I am eating a healthier diet and exercising. Not one of them mentioned menopause. I have had side effects from all the medications for high cholesterol so they kind of make me feel bad like I didn't try hard enough and then scare me about having a heart attack or stroke.

Painful intercourse, ugh.

Insomnia and fatigue, yup.

Everybody I know that is my age or older is done with this crap and most sailed right through with barely a bead of sweat while I have been changing pajamas for nine years.

@ Zebra, it's the drastic decrease in estrogen and fluctuations in other hormones. I got with my biochemistry professor and it's complicated but that is the short answer. I've always had lower range cholesterol, fantastic HDL and almost low LDL, until this year. So I knew it wasn't on me or my diet and exercise routine. My gyn put me on fish oil pills 2x a day and a low dose of rosuvastatin. Fortunately my BP is still great.
"War zone" Snort, I spit up my tea reading that one.
I definitely forgot the mood swings. I cry if anyone on TV cries or looks sad now. I cry if a humane society commercial comes on. Feels like pregnancy emotions all over again.

Oh and I now have on dark thick hair growing on my chin that I pluck once a week. WTF, I never really had much body hair. I don't even have to shave my legs really. Nobody told me about that shit either. Grrrr

Yes, why aren't we more informed on this?? I haven't had many symptoms, yet. The insomnia was kicking my butt, so now I'm on a low level sleep aide. I haven't gained weight, but I can't loose even 1/4 of a pound.
I have a yearly appointment in February and have a few questions.

Has anyone had luck with HRT? I had heard it's made from the urine of pregnant mares. Then I heard that was in the past, current HRTs are bioidentical?

There are a few celebrities who are beginning this phase and questioning why we aren't better prepared for it.
Good Luck, everyone!

Menopause ain't for sissies, that's for sure! I had a hyst 6 years ago (one ovary left) and have had hot flashes since, literally around the clock. I sleep with my overhead fan and a floor fan pointed right at me, even in the winter. Weight gain and sleep issues haven't been fun, either. I am definitely over this crap. No periods is awesome (mine were awful) but WTH universe? Almost 40 years of periods and now I have to deal with this? Ugh.

I also don't take hormones - I was afraid of side effects. Sometimes, I kind of wish I'd given them a try but not enough to pursue it now. I don't even know if I'm too far into this to take them, anyway.

Oh man, so so sorry to hear you’re experiencing all of this and had such heavy menstruation before. 😣

I had no idea menopause came with all of that. More to look forward to as a woman I guess 😵‍💫 le sigh!

HRT definitely helped me with the hot flashes and anger er should.I say rage. I had a vag hyst at 32. So the hormone changes came early and I was through the worst of it before 50.
Last year I had a fun change. I had multiple. UTIs finally saw a urologist and put on uquora and Premarin cream in the hoo ha 2 nights a week the combo has worked no UTI in over a year now. I was afraid things had fallen due to weight loss. It was a relief to find out nope just old and lack any hormones so lucky me.
Ah yes the facial hair. Being of French descent with dark hair and eyes I'm plucking random facial hairs daily and another joy is needing cheaters and a lighted magnification mirror to get them.
Ah womanhood we are soo lucky.

Well, I'm going to throw this whole conversation into a tizzy! About ten years ago I switched my GYN to someone who basically solely does fertility treatment and BHRT for women in transition. He's a BIG believer of BHRT, and I was thrown into surgical menopause after an endometrial cancer diagnosis in 2014. The hot flashes were horrible, and so disruptive to my sleep (despite taking a low dose of Trazodone) that I was getting sick frequently with various viruses because my immune system was shot. Within a week of introducing the right dosage of estrogen, my hot flashes were gone and I stopped picking up every little germ.

He gave me a bibliography handout of the most important literature he has curated over the years that support ongoing BHRT therapy and he's still pissed about the WHI study decades ago which has led many health care professionals to poo-poo BHRT. But those early studies were done on mare's urine progesterone (Premarin). HRT got such a bad reputation and not enough doctors are doing enough now to reverse that trend.

I, too, was at a higher risk of developing breast cancer due to a family history (but no BRCA gene). My first breast surgeon told me he had women who continued BHRT after a breast cancer diagnosis because it became such a quality of life issue. Fast forward to last summer and I got my own breast cancer diagnosis. I consulted with my GYN and what I came to understand is, hormones don't cause breast cancer in hormone-receptor positive breast cancers, but if you develop a breast cancer, it can feed it. And yes, my breast cancer was hormone-receptor positive. My oncology team probably thinks I should be evaluated for lunacy because I'm still taking my estrogen. My old GYN is willing to prescribe it (provided me with more literature that supports my choice), and my new GYN, after I explained to her why I wanted to continue it, basically agreed, but told me she thinks the majority of GYNs are still stuck in the days of what happened to women on Premarin and are afraid to prescribe it for very long. None of this process was made easy by two cross-country moves in five years leading me to having to find new doctors.

In my case, I did halve my dose of estradiol, and my hot flashes have returned to a certain degree, but they don't interrupt my sleep once I'm asleep. I've spoken with my internist about the other positive effects of taking estrogen, many of which are mentioned in this thread: cholesterol (I'm already on a statin), BP (already on BP meds), mood (after a lot of trauma, I'm finally stable on some psych meds); probably most important to me, though, are the cardiac heart disease protection of estrogen (there's an even stronger history of heart disease in my family than breast cancer), bone health (I have a teeny-tiny amount of osteopenia despite lifting weights 3-4 times a week), better vaginal health, and cognitive issues. I already have people look at me funny when I tell them I'm not going to take the hormone-blockers sometimes recommended after diagnosis of a hormone-receptor positive breast cancer. If I went off of my estrogen, I can't imagine what my cholesterol, blood pressure, osteopenia and mood would be like.

If I ever develop another breast cancer in the same breast, though, it would be a mastectomy, rather than just the lumpectomy I had last summer. But that would happen whether I'm taking estrogen or not. I will be very diligent about my screenings.

I'm with you on the hormone replacement, #4, it's the way I want to go. There's a clique of menopause experts in the UK who have mentioned that women with trauma history tend to get hit harder with the mood effects (wonder why? ) due to estrogen decline. They say that often we get put on more and more increased doses of Zoloft or other SSRI's and that it doesn't resolve... because serotonin isn't the root cause! Dr. Coward and Dr. Gottfried have really good info on youtube.

The brain fog is real- that alone is enough for me to push for the hormones. Testosterone too- me and H are tired of my complete lack of desire. Like, really, I could take it or leave it at this point- mostly leave it- and be perfectly fine.

Also- the HAIR! OMG!!!! My chin hair and "mustache" are so bad now!!! I'd be in a traveling circus at this point . Seriously considering lasering it off. Right now I shave and pluck because I can't use bleach or depilatory creams or wax- my skin breaks out too bad. By the time my breakout resolves, the hair is back! Ugh.

My night sweats are weird- the sweat puddles around my neck and is SO GROSS to wake up to, like, really, WTH?

My night sweats are weird- the sweat puddles around my neck

Yea, that's kind of gross. My 60+-year-old breasts (I'm a 36C), sag so much that my sweat tends to be under my breasts. Sometimes, if I'm at home, and am not wearing a bra, I'll put my hands under my top, and hold a boob up in each hand to relieve the sweat that I feel coming on!

I had ridiculous flooding for over a decade pre menopause--to the point I couldn't leave the house and needed transfusions. Had an ablation in 2019 and didn't have a period since. BUT about 1 year ago started with the hot flashes, bit of weight gain (or couldn't lose the weight), awful nerve pain coinciding with the hot flashes, insomnia, and a strange ezcema-like rash. Painful sex but, hey, been about 2 years since I've had any, so not a problem. lol Good times.

I started exercising and weightlifting pretty seriously, eat clean, etc. but the game changer for me was cutting alcohol and caffeine completely. No more hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, nerve pain, or rash. Completely gone. And I was getting them about 15 times a day. Now I'm thinking of competing in September in a bodybuilding competition, if I can make myself walk across a stage in heels and a bikini in front of heaps of strangers.

Menopause is not for the faint hearted.

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 2:16 PM, Sunday, January 7th]

Had an ablation in 2019 and didn't have a period since

Yes, I'd highly recommend an ablation for those who are on the younger side and think they might have sporadic periods for a few years yet. I, too, had one in 2014. Unfortunately, when they biopsied the tissue, they found a very early stage endometrial cancer. When we discussed having the ablation, I thought it was just to get rid of my periods, I didn't realize they were going to biopsy tissues (clueless on my part - when is tissue removed NOT biopsied?). So I ended up with a complete hysterectomy two weeks after my ablation, which took care of my periods for once and for good.

I have had several friends get them and are so happy they did. It's a very easy procedure. I think done under twilight anesthesia, so you're good to go for the rest of the day (except you can't drive that day).

I posted my story in the hysterectomy thread but wanted to echo everyone here. It is crazy that no one talks about these things. I did change GYN and got amazing care and relief from my debilitating endometriosis a couple of years ago. I can't recommend enough the book "Menopause Manifesto" which outlines the symptoms, biology and all the treatments. LOVED it at a health practitioner and recommended it to a patient just today. And count me in as another who had immediate relief with HRT, even at a low dose.

This has been one of my favorite OT subjects of late.

I had an ablation in 2009. No periods since then, just some occasional spotting. I had a hard time telling at first when that beautiful time in a woman’s life was approaching nature has a way of telling you with some pretty clear signals.

I wake up like clock work between 2:30 and 3:30 every night to go to the bathroom and throw all of the covers off because I can’t stand the heat. My husband knows not to turn the heat up and considers me a bed warmer, lol. I have a daily battle with my chin. I never considered being emotional part of it because I am naturally an emotional person. I will cry if you are crying. I definitely feel the fatigue. I don’t have a problem getting to sleep initially but that middle of the night wake up sometimes is a long one because falling back asleep is difficult.

My doctor has told me that I am not a candidate for hormones due to my high risk of cancer. I don’t know that I feel like I need them but maybe I have no idea how much better I would feel if I did?

I wish that it weren’t so taboo to grow old gracefully. We have a million products to try to reverse aging. Celebrities getting surgery to stay looking younger, which btw does not help the average woman accept the process any easier.

Valerie Bertinelli is on TikTok and Instagram very natural talking about getting old and I love it.

I work with the elderly, I know what’s coming but there is this window of time between young and elderly I wish I understood more about.

So if I were to take estrogen hrt would that mean I would need to use birth control? Also where does one go to get good hrt? I mean in case I decided to dip my toe in the safe tested monogamous partner pool.

No one in my family really had bad menopause symptoms so I feel lucky.

But I remember going through the trauma of that which we don’t talk about in this thread and my autonomic nervous system was so shot that I was sweating like I had run through a sprinkler. Aweful.

And for the one stupid hair that keeps coming back… I bought a (don’t know if we can say the brand in the thread) small epilator for the face
Works great

I would find someone who specializes in transition medicine. You'll have to ask around for a referral. My guy was referred to me by my internist, when I told him I wanted someone to help me deal with perimenopause. He's an OB/GYN, but only does GYN stuff now, and more specifically hormonal stuff, including IVF.

There are some functional medicine doctors out there who do BHRT, but they may try to take you down a road of functional medicine that is more than you're looking for. You can also tell them you're just there for hormones, and you specifically want bio-identical hormone therapy (I'm not even sure if anyone is prescribing Premarin anymore). Some of these doctors will prescribe solely based on symptoms and not really blood work, but my GYN prescribes based on bloodwork, and then asks me about my symptoms. I get bloodwork done twice a year now, then have a phone consultation a couple of weeks after that.