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D-Day June of 2020 and it's been a journey. I do feel like we are in a better place in R and healing. But there are still moments where the thoughts come up, especially living in a small town. I have many mutual friends with my Husband's EAP. Back then, I had looked her up on SM; I guess out of curiosity. Embarrassing to say that curiosity created an unhealthy habit of looking her up to see if she'd ever say anything about it. I've worked on it during the process, forgiving her too and just working on letting it all go. (It is harder than I thought it would be)
I recently noticed she blocked me. I feel like it's a good thing, that way when I get the thought to just look her up I no longer have that option. I'm now left with the question, Why? Why would an AP block BS 3 years later?

[This message restored by Webmaster at 4:15 PM, Friday, December 8th]

[This message edited by Workinprogress20 at 3:36 AM, Friday, December 8th]

I read your post before you deleted it. I think I remember the gist of it. I’m not sure why you deleted but I’ll respond anyway.

1. I also still check OW social media regularly and google search, etc, over 2 years later. In my case OW barely posts anything any more and it has become a waste of my time. But yet, I still peek. I challenge myself to go a few days, even weeks without looking. And sometimes I follow through. And it is really good when I do because the less I look the less I want to look. But then I fall back into it.

2. I think the main question though, was why did she block you years later.
Maybe she was creeping on you after all this time too and wanted to force herself to stop looking? So she blocked you.
Or, if you are using your personal named social media account to search her, you may have popped up as a "person you might know" and that may have made her suspicious that you were checking out her page and therefore she blocked you. It’s hard to say.

I hope that you, and all of us who struggle, can overcome the desire to search up AP. In my head I know there is no logical reason to do so. We really shouldn’t care about what these filthy people are up to. But, it’s hard to put it to a stop!
Wishing you the best.

Maybe she's been checking your social media all this time, as well, and decided to block you to help her stop.

@slamsunk here I thought I was alone when it came to this topic. thank you for your input and encouragement.

@HellFire that came to mind although my profile is private. So not much to see.

My guess is that you popped up as a "person you might know" so she blocked you. Consider it a favor.

I block the AP periodically, then unblock and block again. It all has to do with whether or not I'm getting obsessive about looking at her profile, even though it never changes and is locked down tight. Also, sometimes I hope she IS looking at my profile. I've never gotten over wanting her to eat her heart out. Yes, I know this isn't healthy.

Unfortunately, you can't block people on Pinterest. You can block them from contacting you, but you can't block them to prevent yourself from creeping on them. They'd have to make their boards private. After finding a bunch of sus stuff on AP's Pinterest, I look at it about once a week.

I'm hoping to move on from this soon. Maybe it'll be a new years resolution.

I agree you popped up and so she blocked. I agree with OP that it is probably a blessing. The OW in my case has no social media but I check her hiusbad’s.

There are much longer intervals now between when I look. For me it’s like a spider and I feel like I need to know where the spider is at all times. It’s trauma obviously and somewhat embarrassing. Then I remind myself I don’t need to be ashamed of my trauma responses. Just try to ask myself why I’m doing that. Do I need some connecting with my husband.

I’m sure it feels funny for HER to block YOU but it also makes sense. She is the one who caused the pain, of course she doesn’t need to check on your whereabouts.

Anyway, sounds like this will be ultimately a good thing. I wish I could block myself from looking at the OBS’ account.

Virtual hugs to you!

I would say, with the retrospect of 13 years, that you are right where you should be at three years out.

Especially in a small town.

This shit is extremely difficult to deal with. It does not scrub off easily. People who have affairs don't think about the damage that they do, whether it is an emotional affair, or a sexual affair, and subsequent to that they often don't really think about implications of their affair, or their decisions, subsequently the how that might harm/trigger their betrayed spouse.

My FWS's affair partner had an extremely common name, a first name: one of the most common in the English speaking world. So three years out from D-Day, which was actually 12 years out from the actual affair, every time I heard that name, all I saw was his face. And I heard that name a lot. I still do, but I don't necessarily see his face when I hear it.

Even 13 years out, I have to deal with this every single day, I can't even take a walk on the trails, near our house, which is not the house we lived in during the affair, as we moved several miles away from where we used to live, without being reminded of the affair. Because it just so happened, they came once to our current neighborhood, to a vacant property, to fuck in the forest, while they were having the affair.

Of course, when we were looking at this property, and walking on the trails, to make the decision to buy the property, D-Day had not yet occurred, and my wife did not volunteer that it would not be a good idea to buy in this neighborhood, which was expensive, because she had had an affair, and fucked the guy here that she cheated on me with.

After we moved here, we often hiked on the trails, with our kids, and sometimes just the two of us, we literally would walk within 50 yards of where they had sex. We did this a lot, over and over and over. I don't think she thought of the psychological impact it would have her either. D-Day occurred nine years after the affair, three years after we moved here, and our marriage was in a tailspin with my FWS withdrawing a lot with no clear reason.

However, had she volunteered that information, I expect we would've had a very different shopping experience for a new home!

@SacredSoul33 you and I both. it'll be my New Year's resolution as well.

@Stillconfused2022 "There are much longer intervals now between when I look. For me it’s like a spider and I feel like I need to know where the spider is at all times. It’s trauma obviously and somewhat embarrassing. Then I remind myself I don’t need to be ashamed of my trauma responses. Just try to ask myself why I’m doing that. Do I need some connecting with my husband." This! Thank you for that, it really does help/motivate me knowing that I'm not the only one.

@standinghere I'm thankful my H realized it and came forward before it escalated any further. EAP didn't seem like she had any remorse whatsoever (also married) That is why I found it odd that she had blocked me after all this time. oh yes, the common name; I have a few friends with the same name, so needless to say I say their full names now when mentioning them. I'm also sorry you had to go through all of that and hope you keep healing too.

The AP pulled a power move on you. But, for all she knows, you've never looked at her social media ever, or at least after the initial fallout. So in her head, ultimately, she still feels as stupid as ever.

To add: I doubt you popped up under "People You May Know" and she had a lightbulb moment of, oh, this is the person I screwed over, I should block them! She has been thinking about you and hating you since before you knew she existed. She kept it open so you could see her "life" and "how little she thinks about you and WS." And then, after that no longer satisfied her, she blocked to feel superior to you.

I'll be honest, I harassed one of the APs via text after DDay 2. I decided to do it until she blocked me, and I was enormously shocked by the length of time she allowed it to go on for. Like I said, she's hated you for much longer than you've known of her and enjoys having her existence validated.

[This message edited by Revenger at 5:31 PM, Thursday, December 14th]

@Revenger I admit I did look her up when I wasn't blocked and saw how she immediately went on with her life as if nothing ever happened and even stayed at the office for a few short months before quitting. I felt bad for the OBS and often wondered if he ever found out or if he was the type to shrug something like that off.

"I'll be honest, I harassed one of the APs via text after DDay 2. I decided to do it until she blocked me, and I was enormously shocked by the length of time she allowed it to go on for." Maybe she let it go on because she liked the attention. there are narcissistic/egotistical people out there who love any form of attention.