SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

After my EXWW affair I was 100% convinced that she would never cheat again. It was so out of character, and she saw what it did to me and us, but after reading so many "I’m back again" stories recently makes me question that. I hate to say it, but it reinforces my decision to divorce that it was the right one. I still think it was unlikely, but not having to suffer the pain I am reading here from so many, I’m glad even the slightest possibility was taken off the table.

@waitedwaytoolong

Your perspective is logical. I've always believed past behavior was not only a great indicator of character, but also the greatest predictor of future behavior.

We all want to believe we are special, our life is special, our relationships special, but there are indisputable reasons why bell curves exist.

I’m glad even the slightest possibility was taken off the table.

Me, too. I wanted to believe that my XWW would never cheat again. Perhaps she never will. Nevertheless, the fear was not something with which I was willing to live. It gnawed at me.

I think for some folks the idea of reconciliation is an alluring dream, difficult to resist because there is so much at stake (kids, finances, fear of being single again... even love).

Still, none of us are clairvoyant. The only way to be sure it won't happen again is to ensure that it can't.

Also, I have never believed that an affair is "out of character." I think the opposite is true; people cheat because of their character flaws. Change, of course, is possible. However, it's rare and a constant struggle.

[This message edited by Unhinged at 7:50 PM, Wednesday, December 6th]

If there are so many "unicorns" running around, then it's interesting that,for the first time in over a week, a ws has posted in the Wayward forum.

Also, I have never believed that an affair is "out of character." I think the opposite is true; people cheat because of their character flaws.

I believe this to a certain extent. In my case, she was flawed in that with our kids gone she had lost her sense of self worth. After close to 20 years of being a stay at home mom, she in essence felt like she was terminated from her job. Much like 50 year olds that are let go of companies to be replaced by a cheaper worker. She certainly wasn’t fired, but the feelings were much the same. I am still convinced that without this predator playing on these insecurities that she wouldn’t have had an affair. Her character for all the years before were outstanding.

As to the topic, I am still pretty much convinced that she wouldn’t have cheated again. My point though remains, had she I woukd have felt like an even bigger fool if it had happened again. So in that sense, taking it off the table was good. Sure a new partner could cheat, but I wouldn’t be second guessing myself quite as much.

The sad thing is since this post, a couple of new "they cheated again" stories have popped up.

Hellfire, I think your point is well taken. I will say most of the WS that do post bring a needed perspective. It’s too bad there aren’t more standing up and contributing.