SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

"A person can go to church and then leave and go participate in an orgy. (U know what I mean)."

Unfortunately I know too well what a duplicitous pew sitter EXWH was while engaging in a dangerous to me secret second life.

As for counselors who want BS to just go on with their lives to spare a wayward’s fragile feelings, I say to them "until it happens to you". Then maybe you will not be so judgmental as to actually being willing to hear what it is that BS need to know and experience to feel safe.

The truth would have been an amazing starting point for me. No truth equals no consent on my part. If I do not know what EXWH did then I cannot consent to staying with him after he did whatever it was that he would not tell me. For all I knew he had had unprotected rough sex with sexually unsafe people and lied to me about it to cover himself (oops that was actually what did happen, imagine that).

This is hard stuff because Betrayed Spouses I think were appropriately bonded and committed to their spouses. Another word for attached. Finding out was a shock. Cheaters like and relationships with them are by definition then nonconsensual until there is truth.

I wish you peace and healing. I am not saying I am in a good spot but I did get to the point where if EXH was the last man standing in a global apocalypse he would still be a no never again for me. Hard pass.

Oops lie not like sorry for the typo

I’m going to suggest you stop this nonsense and get off the hamster wheel that is basically the road to hell.

You have have gotten the "lies or answers" he’s going to provide. That’s it.

You keep trying to chop down a tree with a spatula and you are making no progress. Never will. And your "friend AKA spouse" is standing by offering no support.

The day I decided my H was not my main concern was the best day of my life. I did not know if we would R or D but I decided to put my effort in healing myself and nit worrying about him.

Try it. I believe you will see a positive result in you.

I think it’s hard because we don’t want to be the ones that set in motion the final ending. For me personally it was also difficult to get over not owing someone a second chance.

It really is a "one foot in front of the other" mentality towards divorcing.

My divorced life as a single mom now is the happiest I’ve ever been. You will go through some sad uncertain moments divorcing, but the end result is SO good!